to feel miffed after this date?

[Speckledhen2022]

Hi,

I recently went on a date with a guy who I met on a dating app. We arranged to meet outside a shopping centre. Next to the shopping centre is a row of great restaurants and cafes. I assumed that for the date we would into one of those and have a drink or something to eat. When I met him outside the shopping centre, he said hello then said 'let's go for a walk'. I was a bit surprised, but I started walking along with him. The shopping centre was surrounded by an area which isn't really scenic so there was nothing good to look at on the walk. We walked around the outskirts of the shopping centre for around 10 minutes whilst talking. We got back to where we started and by that point I thought 'well this is strange'. It isn't like a normal date. We stood there talking for another 5 mins and he asked me about my evening plans and I said just cooking my dinner probably. He said 'oh ok same'. He then asked if I wanted him to walk me home and I said 'No thanks' because I did not want him knowing my address. He said 'I will go home for something to eat. I am a bit hungry'. I said 'ok bye'.

Maybe I am being daft, but I just feel kind of miffed and flat after that date. I just went home feeling really deflated. AIBU to feel miffed and deflated after that date?

Why didn't you suggest getting food?

Oops, posted too soon.
Why didn't you ask to get food? It sounds like you shut it down by saying you'd be cooking your tea, aka you didn't want to eat out. Then he said he was hungry. You could have just suggested grabbing food?

Maybe he wasn't interested? His asking your plans was so he could finish the date.

You could have taken control and suggested getting a drink/food. He may be tight or he may have had a lot of dates that came to nothing after he'd forked out for meals/drinks and didn't want to be burnt again. He may genuinely be broke. Who knows but you don't have to just go along as a passenger

That was an epically shit date! I always put those down as an experience, don’t let it get you down or feel deflated. Honestly, it’s not worth the headspace.
Onto the next one

I think you made too many assumptions. Doesn’t sound like there will be a second date anyway so I’d just learn from this one.

Arrange to meeting point and an activity such as coffee/dinner.

I find walking dates very low effort and unappealing. It seems to be quite popular at the moment though (I think they were made more culturally appropriate due to covid restrictions).

To the people asking why didn't you suggest something... honestly I'd feel very put off by a guy not taking the initiative to suggest something himself. I'm not saying a guy always has to be the one to plan things, but for a first encounter it's way too passive.

He didn’t fancy you / you weren’t his type, so you got one circuit of the shopping centre! Don’t give it too much head space , You’ll laugh about it soon I’m sure.

He wanted to go for a walk to get a sense of whether he liked you before deciding whether to spend the time and effort having a meal with you. It's a pretty cut throat way of sizing someone up in my opinion but at least he didn't waste your time I suppose. I wouldn't bother chasing for a second date op.

Did you like him? It is weird to suggest a walk around the shopping centre but you have a mouth too why didn't you say lets get a drink or something to eat instead?

So you spent only 15 mins together in total?

That’s… weird.

I don’t object to a walking date, but I’d expect it to be a walk somewhere pretty!

and was the date over in 15 minutes? Wow.

Yes

He's very very sensible.

Meet somewhere where there's option to do something.

Do a quick get to know you ten minutes walk. Then decide if you want to spend more of the evening.

He obviously didn't fancy you and rather than waste both your time and money he was really clear.

I should have suggested getting drinks or food really. I got the feeling that if he wanted to get food or drink, he would have said 'let's go into this café' rather than saying let's go for a walk and starting to walk along. I was kind of surprised which is why I didn't say anything. I half expected him to suggest it after the walk but he didn't

When I was young and dating I would never agree to a meal for a first date. There's nothing worse than sitting opposite someone you know you'll never see again. You should have suggested a coffee maybe? I wouldn't give ot much headspace.

He actually got back in contact yesterday so four days after the date saying he would like to see me again. So I am a bit confused really. I don't really know what to respond.

Why don’t you know what to respond?
Surely it’s no thanks - as you haven’t posted that you enjoyed your 15 minute trial with him 🤣
Stop being so bloody passive!

Man who leaves me miffed and deflated asks to see me again: what shall I say?

Yeah, this. No faffing.

Alternatively, you could have used your words. YABU for assuming.

I feel like sending a message saying either that the date was shit or just saying no thank you

Crossposted with this.

Since you were miffed enough after the first date to start a thread, you say no. I would imagine.

He didn't want to spend any money, so ignored all the obvious places to go and took you off on a hike around a shopping centre. I expect he was also hoping by walking you home you would invite him and provide food/drinks for free. Same idea with him asking what are you doing this evening, fishing for an invite where no money would be spent by him.

But you’re also at fault for the date being shit. You can’t let him take the lead, do nothing yourself, then complain to him about it!
I happen to agree that it’s not a date format I’d want - I’d always spend that 15 minutes having a drink together. But you had equal chance to make your suggestion.

How odd, I'd say no tbh, bad first impression and seems like the type of guy who would always send out weird messages. I'm far too old for playing games like that