to feel miffed after this date?

[Speckledhen2022]

Hi,

I recently went on a date with a guy who I met on a dating app. We arranged to meet outside a shopping centre. Next to the shopping centre is a row of great restaurants and cafes. I assumed that for the date we would into one of those and have a drink or something to eat. When I met him outside the shopping centre, he said hello then said 'let's go for a walk'. I was a bit surprised, but I started walking along with him. The shopping centre was surrounded by an area which isn't really scenic so there was nothing good to look at on the walk. We walked around the outskirts of the shopping centre for around 10 minutes whilst talking. We got back to where we started and by that point I thought 'well this is strange'. It isn't like a normal date. We stood there talking for another 5 mins and he asked me about my evening plans and I said just cooking my dinner probably. He said 'oh ok same'. He then asked if I wanted him to walk me home and I said 'No thanks' because I did not want him knowing my address. He said 'I will go home for something to eat. I am a bit hungry'. I said 'ok bye'.

Maybe I am being daft, but I just feel kind of miffed and flat after that date. I just went home feeling really deflated. AIBU to feel miffed and deflated after that date?

Or perhaps not everybody thinks the same way as you, and you're not an authority on 'How We Should Judge People'.

"Didn’t you find out what the date was going to be before going?"

I have not done online dating. However:

• I don't think OP is in any way a "wet lettuce" for not insisting on going to a cafe etc, if someone says to you "lets go for a walk" at the start of the date, you might even think to yourself "this guy knows of somewhere good locally which I do not" - I suppose when he suggested a walk you could have said "sounds nice? where are we going to go?" as it might otherwise be dangerous to walk somewhere like an industrial estate with someone you dont know well but even so I do not think OP is at fault
• i think it is entirely reasonable to assume if you agree with someone to meet up with them near cafes etc that you are going to sit down and have at least a coffee and chat for a bit. otherwise why pick that meet up place?
• i agree with a pp the fact that he asked if you wanted him to walk you home suggests he wanted to check out your place as somewhere you might be having sex sometime soon. Lucky escape OP. If he contacts you again and you can be bothered to pick up the phone, have a few sarcastic remarks up your sleeve!!

It sounds like maybe the chemistry isn't there, but there is no law that says the man must take all the initiative on an early date. You can make suggestions too.

@skybluee. I had a date take me to McDonald's. He didn't eat anything and I bought my own drink.

Sadly most people are pickmes in relationships with lazy thoughtless Nigels and desperate to make excuses

just wander over to the bin fire that is ‘Relationships’

Yes....fucking hell....why would anyone put up with this? If a man can't manage to think of a nice activity on date one when he's trying to impress you, why would he be partner material? I guess this is how it starts for all the women posting on the Relationships forum about how she's got three kids under five, a full-time job, and is cracking up looking at a dirty kitchen and massive pile of laundry while her partner is sitting on the sofa playing video games, claiming she 'just needs to tell him what he needs to do to help'.

With internet dating, you never know what to expect. A walk is a good plan because you both know quite quickly whether there's any chance of a spark between you. Going together for a meal is a bad idea, as you could both get stuck with someone who you don't get on with.

Imagine thinking so little of yourself and other women that you make out that a man turning up 20 minutes late, not apologising, not heading to one of the many cafes and restaurants they're standing next to (it's a very reasonable assumption that if you're meeting next to one, you'll be going into one), going on a weird walk around a shopping centre and then trying to get into her house is somehow the woman's fault.

Truly pathetic.

Sadly most people are pickmes in relationships with lazy thoughtless Nigels and desperate to make excuses

Ridiculous claim. Yes, the relationships board is full of people in unhappy relationships, because it's a board for people in unhappy relationships. Only a very dim sort of person would think this is representative of 'most people'.

I agree. I think perhaps he was wise. If they'd got on like a house on fire, one or other of them would have said 'Hey, let's go for a coffee down by the river!' or 'Have you seen the new exhibition at the gallery? Fancy going?'

But it didn't happen. No problem. Move on. That's what dating's for. Finding out. There's so much drama on these threads.

NEXT !!

"Or simply go out with men who actively plan a museum visit/a walk around a nice botanical garden/dinner/afternoon tea/a gig/a play/book a table at a nice roof top bar?"

So true HOWEVER with online dating there is this very tricky void type point in the communication between the "talking online" and the "meeting up" which does NOT allow you often/easily to get the measure of people before you meet.

And even the "talking online" stage is fraught (so I hear) as some people literally say once they have matched with you online that they do NOT WANT to talk online they want to meet up (because they want to determine the chemistry from their perspective asap and are cynical enough not to want to "waste time" getting to know someone they could never contemplate having sex with) - now you might hit gold and find prince charming notwithstanding very little prior chatting online, but usually it is blokes who see it as (they hope) and extremely transactional and efficient way to get sex fast. (often they do this on a prolific level as it is a numbers game).

Thank God i am not dating (online or in real life)!

Absolutely right. If you are internet dating, with the aim of meeting someone to date, what's the point of sitting with someone all evening, "having a nice date" if clearly you don't have any sort of spark between you.

In the 21st century a woman can't suggest something to do on a first date? Are we going backwards or something.

Exactly!

@AryaStarkWolf I wasn't over keen on him tbh after he took me on a shit date walking around a shopping centre while telling all about an expensive trip he took his ex gf on.

Sorry OP but a ten minute walk around the outside of a shopping centre (not even inside the shopping centre 😂) is one of the funniest dates I’ve heard of 🤣🤣

Exactly! He immediately said ‘Let’s go for a walk’. She wasn’t being passive. I can’t believe the posters who are making out this is OP’s fault.

Call me old fashioned, but a bloke should be making an effort to impress on a first date. This guy was late and couldn’t even be arsed to have a coffee with her.

@pixie5121

Only a very dim sort of person would think the behaviour described was acceptable

Why do you think you have the final word on what's acceptable? There are no rules. He can do what he likes. OP can walk away. What's acceptable is a matter of opinion, and your insistence that you are right and that anyone who disagrees with you is wrong is very amusing because you just can't see how silly and egotistical it is. There are as many 'right' opinions as there are opinions, when it comes to what's acceptable, unless someone is breaking a law.

Good grief. It was a bit of a rubbish date but it doesn't make either OP or this man bad people. There's lots of overinterpretation of people's personalities and intentions based off very little!

Just write it off and move on, I wouldn't be giving this any headspace.

Yes, God forbid a man should actually have to make the tiniest effort when dating. It's not enough that practically everything else in life is easier for men. Let's not expect the poor little lambs to go to all the trouble of taking us for a coffee or a glass of wine or to do something we might actually be interested in, when we're risking our safety to meet him in the first place. It's just way too much to expect.

It's hilarious how low the bar is. And tragic.

I think his plans were to walk you home, walk up the stairs and then ride you! His plans did not include spending a penny on you. Better you found out now what he was like.

@toastfairy He was quite good looking I suppose, but certainly not 'hot' or very good looking. More like between average and good looking to be more accurate.

You walked for 15 minutes . He offered to walk you home.

I'd assume he was hoping for a shag rather than a free meal tbh.