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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel miffed after this date?

299 replies

Speckledhen2022 · 09/06/2022 10:57

Hi,

I recently went on a date with a guy who I met on a dating app. We arranged to meet outside a shopping centre. Next to the shopping centre is a row of great restaurants and cafes. I assumed that for the date we would into one of those and have a drink or something to eat. When I met him outside the shopping centre, he said hello then said 'let's go for a walk'. I was a bit surprised, but I started walking along with him. The shopping centre was surrounded by an area which isn't really scenic so there was nothing good to look at on the walk. We walked around the outskirts of the shopping centre for around 10 minutes whilst talking. We got back to where we started and by that point I thought 'well this is strange'. It isn't like a normal date. We stood there talking for another 5 mins and he asked me about my evening plans and I said just cooking my dinner probably. He said 'oh ok same'. He then asked if I wanted him to walk me home and I said 'No thanks' because I did not want him knowing my address. He said 'I will go home for something to eat. I am a bit hungry'. I said 'ok bye'.

Maybe I am being daft, but I just feel kind of miffed and flat after that date. I just went home feeling really deflated. AIBU to feel miffed and deflated after that date?

OP posts:
Alwayspaintyournails · 09/06/2022 13:10

Speckledhen2022 · 09/06/2022 13:06

He is 27

Show quote history

I think you did the right thing declining a second date. In all honesty the 20min late would have done it for me regardless of the shit date.

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 09/06/2022 13:10

bubblesbubbles11 · 09/06/2022 13:00

Haven't read the whole thread so apologies if you have already explained this.
How did you meet him before the date was set up? Did you know him before this date (say beyond just being an acquaintent/met online)?
Depending on your answer I would guess at one or more of:


  • very young and immature

  • very inexperienced at dates

  • was literally just hoping for sex (but still very inexperienced etc) and so was testing the waters in the bizarre hope you might say "lets go somewhere and get it on right now" or "lets meet up tonight and set the world on fire in bed" hahaha

  • completely broke financially so reluctant to spend money on food etc

  • lives with his mum who had cooked his dinner and he was thinking about that during the date

  • hates "shopping" in a typical bloke kinda way so reluctant to spend more time than absolutely necessary near shops hahahaha

But seriously OP sounds like you had a lucky escape!

I met him on a dating app and we agreed to meet outside the shopping centre. If he hadn't have said 'let's go for a walk', I would have said 'Let's go into this cafe for a drink'

OP posts:
pattish · 09/06/2022 13:10

luxxlisbon · 09/06/2022 13:06

I dunno why it’s only on men to plan dates in the early days. At least he suggested the walk, you told him you didn’t want to see him again because he didn’t suggest going for food or a drink but neither did you! The entire exchange is weird on both parts.

No, I disagree. He is clearly lazy/lacks gumption. Not attractive.

Triselly · 09/06/2022 13:10

Go on dates with guys who are enthusiastic enough to want to impress you OP. You can do waaaaaay better!

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 09/06/2022 13:12

@bubblesbubbles11 I didn't know him before the date. He has a job which is relatively highly paid and he lives at home with his parents so I wouldn't have thought he is too broke financially but obviously I don't know someone else's financial situation.

OP posts:
bubblesbubbles11 · 09/06/2022 13:13

27 - right
Does he live with his family/parents?
Did you meet him via online dating?
My sense is that he was, in a really inexperienced clumsy way, (assuming this is the first time you had met) literally wanting to see whether there was any "chemistry" i.e. whether he fancied you during this date. With a view to (having the temerity!) asking you out again once he had got home and thought - yeah she was attractive.

If you had met him before in anyway beyond just acquaintances, I would say he is super inexperienced at dates and literally did not know what to do.

Again not read the whole thread but noticed he talked about a holiday with his ex girlfriend so, depending on the background to that and how that ended, he might still be smarting from the end of that relationship and in two minds as to whether he wants to jump back in again - that is no excuse for such a poor effort mind! If you formally set up a meeting with someone you hardly know who goes out of their way to meet you, you don't just say after 15 mins "oh there is somewhere i need to be" etc.

CaptSkippy · 09/06/2022 13:15

Perhaps he is a hobosexual? He doesn't have a place to live and was hoping to be able to stay at your appartment. It could also be that he was looking for a quick hookup and when he realized he wasn't going to get that he left.

Either way, I think you dodged a bullet. Just block and delete and date guys who put more effort into dating.

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 09/06/2022 13:16

CaptSkippy · 09/06/2022 13:15

Perhaps he is a hobosexual? He doesn't have a place to live and was hoping to be able to stay at your appartment. It could also be that he was looking for a quick hookup and when he realized he wasn't going to get that he left.

Either way, I think you dodged a bullet. Just block and delete and date guys who put more effort into dating.

I never heard that term before! Haha. He lives with his parents though

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 09/06/2022 13:17

pattish · 09/06/2022 13:10

No, I disagree. He is clearly lazy/lacks gumption. Not attractive.

Show quote history

Disagree with what exactly? I didn’t make any character or physical assumptions based on the story of one single interaction.

Everything this guy did the OP replicated too.

BiscoffSundae · 09/06/2022 13:17

Didn’t you find out what the date was going to be before going? I can’t imagine going on a date without actually finding out what was planned first 😬

bubblesbubbles11 · 09/06/2022 13:17

Ok well the living at home with his parents is probably the key to this. I would guess he has either not been on many dates before or is really just looking for sex at least initially.
He certainly sounds very immature / inexperienced notwithstanding the fancy holidays and good job.
Depending on your personality and if you are up for it (i.e. you like him as a person notwithstanding what he did) I would not hestitate with a jokey reply should he ask to meet up again along the lines of "no chance if our next meet up is going to be as dull and uneventful as the last..." and if he asks what you mean say "well what are you thinking we should do on our next date? " that will give you an idea in advance.

DonnyBurrito · 09/06/2022 13:18

What a weird guy and a really creepy date, too... like he was trying to see where he could lead you and how far you'd go along with it. It sounded 100% like he was after getting into your home very quickly for one reason or another.

Dodged a bullet.

knittingaddict · 09/06/2022 13:21

Testina · 09/06/2022 12:05

“I’d file this one under ‘Wet lettuce’ and move on.“

Tbf, you could file ‘Wet lettuce’ under ‘Something in common’ here 😉

😂

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 09/06/2022 13:21

BiscoffSundae · 09/06/2022 13:17

Didn’t you find out what the date was going to be before going? I can’t imagine going on a date without actually finding out what was planned first 😬

No I didn't. I genuinely thought that we would just walk into one of the cafes. I have learnt my lesson!

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 09/06/2022 13:22

Inexperienced and just wanted sex.

Thought that you would see him and drag him back to your lair and ravage him.

toastfairy · 09/06/2022 13:25

Sorry if you've said this anywhere else but was he hot? Like really really hot? If so I suppose you could be a bit "let's grab a coffee" and give him a second chance. Otherwise I think it's a no thank you.

pixie5121 · 09/06/2022 13:25

In true MN style, all the pickmes are out defending a cheapskate weirdo who thought dragging someone round the outside of a shopping centre was a 'date'. Totally, unbelievably rude and unacceptable.

knittingaddict · 09/06/2022 13:27

Speckledhen2022 · 09/06/2022 12:30

We just agreed to meet outside the shopping centre. He was 20 mins late too. No apology from him.

Show quote history

The last time this happened to me was 5 decades ago when I was 9. Why wait so long with no communication.

I think he wanted sex with no outlay on his part.

Don't give him another seconds thought.

Galvanisa · 09/06/2022 13:28

pixie5121 · 09/06/2022 13:25

In true MN style, all the pickmes are out defending a cheapskate weirdo who thought dragging someone round the outside of a shopping centre was a 'date'. Totally, unbelievably rude and unacceptable.

LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

TheHaka · 09/06/2022 13:28

Perhaps he’s very wealthy & wanted to see how you’d react to going on a walk round the block for a date. Looks like you passed the test OP.

Inthesameboatatmo · 09/06/2022 13:29

I've had my fair share of monumently shit dates op but wtf. I wouldn't see him again. Reply saying thanks but I'm not feeling it. Or don't even dignify it with a response it's really not worth one. He's either had loads of dates and is now jaded by the whole thing or he really hasn't got a clue. Either way leave it alone and onwards and upwards.

fib88 · 09/06/2022 13:29

You've had a lucky escape...maybe, in more than one way

Galvanisa · 09/06/2022 13:30

shinynewapple22 · 09/06/2022 12:21

Fair enough . But next time you have a date i think you ought to be more proactive rather than waiting for the man to take the initiative and going along with their suggestions .

Show quote history

Or simply go out with men who actively plan a museum visit/a walk around a nice botanical garden/dinner/afternoon tea/a gig/a play/book a table at a nice roof top bar?

you’d honestly think there was a dick shortage around here with the amount of desperate women skipping around being ‘proactive’ for these basement dwelling weirdos

The bar is so low it is in hell

Ohmybod · 09/06/2022 13:31

Well I got to the bit where you wrote “I assumed…” and there’s your answer. YABU because you decided how the date was going to go IN YOUR HEAD and didn’t share this with your date. He was equally vague about the plans and so you both wandered aimlessly. Be more assertive and confirm the plan up front.

pixie5121 · 09/06/2022 13:31

TheHaka · 09/06/2022 13:28

Perhaps he’s very wealthy & wanted to see how you’d react to going on a walk round the block for a date. Looks like you passed the test OP.

What does wealth have to do with anything? Does not wanting to be dragged around the outside of a shopping centre after spending time getting ready for a date make someone a gold digging princess now?