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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel miffed after this date?

299 replies

Speckledhen2022 · 09/06/2022 10:57

Hi,

I recently went on a date with a guy who I met on a dating app. We arranged to meet outside a shopping centre. Next to the shopping centre is a row of great restaurants and cafes. I assumed that for the date we would into one of those and have a drink or something to eat. When I met him outside the shopping centre, he said hello then said 'let's go for a walk'. I was a bit surprised, but I started walking along with him. The shopping centre was surrounded by an area which isn't really scenic so there was nothing good to look at on the walk. We walked around the outskirts of the shopping centre for around 10 minutes whilst talking. We got back to where we started and by that point I thought 'well this is strange'. It isn't like a normal date. We stood there talking for another 5 mins and he asked me about my evening plans and I said just cooking my dinner probably. He said 'oh ok same'. He then asked if I wanted him to walk me home and I said 'No thanks' because I did not want him knowing my address. He said 'I will go home for something to eat. I am a bit hungry'. I said 'ok bye'.

Maybe I am being daft, but I just feel kind of miffed and flat after that date. I just went home feeling really deflated. AIBU to feel miffed and deflated after that date?

OP posts:
Ruffelo · 09/06/2022 11:52

he asked me about my evening plans and I said just cooking my dinner probably. He said 'oh ok same'

I'm with the PP who said you shut it down saying you were planning on having your tea at home. If you wanted to get food/a drink then would have been the time to say something like 'I don't have any plans, so we could get a drink or some food just now if you want'.

Also, walking dates I think are a fall-out from COVID. They're pretty common now.

mycatisannoying · 09/06/2022 11:53

My feeling is that he didn't feel an attraction (happens to us all!) and therefore didn't want to put his hand in his wallet Hmm

Boredsoentertainme · 09/06/2022 11:53

I am not sure why you were such a passenger here, why is it his fault for not guessing what you wanted to do and suggesting it, why isn’t it yours?

Sleepytimebear · 09/06/2022 11:53

@Testina I disagree. If he put this little effort in on date 1, and walked away thinking OP would be up for date 2, that is a very bad sign for the future! Her expectations would need to be on the floor! He apparently was happy with how date 1 went as he's asked her out again, OP wasn't. He was the one who suggested a walk and he could certainly have said, are you up for a coffee/food after. It's not OP's responsibility to do the heavy lifting for him and suggest the same particularly when he's just led her around a shopping centre as his "suggested activity".

BorderlineHappy · 09/06/2022 11:54

I'd give him another chance.
You where both at fault.

Just make a definite plan for food this time.

disco82 · 09/06/2022 11:55

You met him for 15 mins, he then waits 4 days to ask to see you again. He sounds a bit bored and not that bothered, and you seem annoyed and confused - not a good way to feel after a date. Just say no thanks.

mycatisannoying · 09/06/2022 11:55

Oh, have just read that he asked you out again. I'd have been very surprised to hear from him again after 4 days.
I would just say 'no thanks, I didn't feel any spark'.

Testina · 09/06/2022 11:55

@Sleepytimebear I’m not sure on what you’re disagreeing with me? I haven’t suggested she go on a second date - quite the opposite! I just don’t think she should give him feedback that it was a shit first date, when it was equally her choice what happened on that date!

Testina · 09/06/2022 11:57

It's not OP's responsibility to do the heavy lifting for him and suggest the same particularly when he's just led her around a shopping centre as his "suggested activity

At least he had a suggested activity, which was one up on the OP!

KatherineJaneway · 09/06/2022 11:57

It was a crap date imo but do agree with pp that you need top take control and not let your date dictate where you go and what you do. I would have said no to the walk but what about a coffee.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/06/2022 11:58

It’s bizarre that he didn’t say ‘Well if you’re hungry, do you fancy grabbing something nearby?’ when you mentioned cooking, yet still asked to see you again. If he’d interpreted ‘I’m going home to cook’ as a brush-off, fair enough - but if he thought you weren’t interested, why ask to see you again?

I’d file this one under ‘Wet lettuce’ and move on.

AryaStarkWolf · 09/06/2022 12:00

disco82 · 09/06/2022 11:55

You met him for 15 mins, he then waits 4 days to ask to see you again. He sounds a bit bored and not that bothered, and you seem annoyed and confused - not a good way to feel after a date. Just say no thanks.

either that or he's really shy and has no confidence and asking the OP her plans was him hoping she would suggest that they got a drink or ate together? If his exact wording to her saying she was going home to eat was "Oh, Ok" the Oh makes it sounds like he was a bit disappointed? Still though all this guessing for meanings etc would have me drained, people should just be straight with each other!

AlternateFri · 09/06/2022 12:00

Did you like/ fancy him?

Aprilx · 09/06/2022 12:01

It was a rubbish date, but yes you do need to take some responsibility for that. it obviously is a no to the follow up.

Although I think it is a bit creepy that he asked if you wanted him to walk you home, as if you were somehow safer with this man you had known for fifteen minutes than by yourself!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/06/2022 12:01

I also think you’ve been and are still being too passive!

You could/ should have suggested food or a drink at the time. He might have had a “game plan” by suggesting the walk, he might just be very awkward.

You had a shit date and didn’t enjoy it but are considering seeing him again? Say no! “No, I didn’t enjoy the walking date and found it a bit insulting”, is what I’d be saying before blocking.

Snowflakes1122 · 09/06/2022 12:01

Could he just have been a little socially inept? Seems a strange thing to do on a date. Weird he asked you out again after such little effort the first time around.

What have you said back to his text about date #2?

SoupDragon · 09/06/2022 12:01

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 09/06/2022 11:45

He didn't want to spend any money, so ignored all the obvious places to go and took you off on a hike around a shopping centre. I expect he was also hoping by walking you home you would invite him and provide food/drinks for free. Same idea with him asking what are you doing this evening, fishing for an invite where no money would be spent by him.

And how much money did the OP spend or suggest spending...?

The fault for the "shit date" lies with both of them.

Testina · 09/06/2022 12:03

I think the Covid / walking date hangover is a good point. My OLD days were all pre-Covid and I didn’t realise this was a thing - but it makes sense!

Watchkeys · 09/06/2022 12:04

Speckledhen2022 · 09/06/2022 11:33

He actually got back in contact yesterday so four days after the date saying he would like to see me again. So I am a bit confused really. I don't really know what to respond.

Why are confused? You went on a date with him and he baffled you. He's a no-no.

Would you even entertain the idea of seeing him again? If so, why? If not, why are you analysing him?

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 09/06/2022 12:04

In my opinion, the point of the walking date was to size me up and see if he fancied me but without spending any money. I have replied to him saying 'I am not interested in seeing you again'.

OP posts:
Testina · 09/06/2022 12:05

“I’d file this one under ‘Wet lettuce’ and move on.“

Tbf, you could file ‘Wet lettuce’ under ‘Something in common’ here 😉

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 09/06/2022 12:05

Aprilx · 09/06/2022 12:01

It was a rubbish date, but yes you do need to take some responsibility for that. it obviously is a no to the follow up.

Although I think it is a bit creepy that he asked if you wanted him to walk you home, as if you were somehow safer with this man you had known for fifteen minutes than by yourself!

I also thought it was weird that he wanted to walk me home. It was broad daylight in a very safe area. Perhaps he was hoping I would invite him in for a cup of coffee

OP posts:
Sleepytimebear · 09/06/2022 12:06

@Testina yes, you suggesting she is equally responsible for the bad date. Anyone who thinks a 15 minute walk around a shopping centre qualifies as an activity of any kind, let alone a date activity, is not worth my time. You are letting him off the hook massively here. Basically he suggested something so unbelievably shit I wouldn't have even bothered leaving the house for it and that OP should have then saved the date by suggesting food/coffee whatever. I mean I would have turned around, left, and blocked him immediately after this poor show.

easyday · 09/06/2022 12:08

Next time speak up! If you were so blindsided by the suggestion of a walk you could have then suggested a coffee afterwards, you didn't need to wait for him to decide. He sounds a bit of a wet rag anyway.
So next date say 'let's meet for a coffee/drink at X if that's convenient for you'. If someone is unwilling to pay £3 for a coffee then I'd think they were mean.

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 09/06/2022 12:09

I would have suggested getting food or drinks after the walk but I felt put out at that point after he took me walking around a shopping centre surrounded by gyms, a car park, and a building site, rather than going into a café. I was a bit annoyed by that and felt like leaving. I don't understand why he said 'let's go for a walk' as soon as we met rather than saying 'let's go into this cafe'

OP posts:
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