Boyfriend told me to get a grip....aibu?

[ooohpll]

I'm the type of person who always needs something coming up and something to look forward too.
We have no trips away now till beginning of September.
We have had 3 weekends away this year and came back on Sunday and went to a gig that night.
Now bf has said we need to start saving money for house renovations (which we do )
We will still have fortnightly date nights and days out but no weekends away till September then November we are going abroad.
It just seems so far away.
3 months with nothing except a meal or night out to the theatre (mamma Mia ) to break it up but that's literally the local theatre.
It's not because I'm demanding (I swear ) I just get bored of normal life and just love being out exploring.
Aibu ?
I have been trying to get a night away booked in for late July /august but bf is adamant we should spend summer months at hone.

*home

Well he’s not wrong, is he, if you need to save?

I get what you mean. I get restless if we have too much time with not much on. If you like exploring you can try and do things that don't cost money or are cheap though as a compromise.

YABU! You have a foreign holiday booked for November, and are still going to have a date night once every 2 weeks. Catch yourself on! That is far more than an average couple who are saving for house renovations would achieve! If you like being out exploring, book a day trip away to a free activity!

YABU. September isn't that far away! If you need to save money the only way to do that is to cut down and actually save it rather than spend, spend, spend. You need to actually respect and listen to what he's saying.

You have plenty to look forward to.

To be honest, you sound exhausting. Maybe he just wants to slow down a little from this whirlwind, as well as save money.

Can you put your energy into something like the house renovation plans?

Unless you increase your income I don't see a way for you to have these nights away and save money.

Get a grip.

He’s got a point.

Yabu

Sound a bit a spoiled tbh

Are you wealthy?

It is a long way and when you’re used to going away frequently, I can see why it is annoying to be told you can’t have anymore trips this year.

However, it’s about priorities and if the house needs renovating and you’re on board with wanting to get those done, then you can’t have renovations and lots of trips away - your budget just won’t allow it.

I’ve hit a similar realisation this year that I won’t be able to go away very much (but for different reasons) and so have used the money that I would have spent on breaks on making the garden nice so I don’t have to be going away to relax.

I’m sure that there are loads of things to explore in your locality, so use your date nights to try some new restaurants and experiences. You could also look on Groupon (but avoid the travel section!)

You can go out exploring without spending lots money though. Picnics, museums, swimming pool etc. Try to make everday life more interesting. Do some volunteering or try a new hobby.

Could you agree an amount to save each month and then as long as you're saving that then you can do what you want with your extra cash? I presume you're both earning and paying equally for these holidays etc.

We will still have fortnightly date nights and days out but no weekends away till September then November we are going abroad. I mean this sounds like quite a lot to me.

YANBU and your BF is NBU either. Some people are just like to get out more. But I get your boyfriend wanting to stay at home too, you guys will just have to find the right balance.

Yabu. You are hardly deprived. Tbh you are coming across as being a bit of a child.
Its a choice - you either want to do the house renovation or you don't. Having presumably bought a house that needs work, you would be wasting your investment to spend all the money on going out instead. Listen to your bf!

Few people can have it all. Some are lucky enough to be able to have all the things they want, but most of us cannot.
During the 12 years it took me to pay off my mortgage, and renovate my house, I went away only once for a week in the UK, and a couple of long weekends with my sister. As I’m single, my earnings wouldn’t stretch to a lot of things, like new furniture, days out, or holidays. I do lots of hiking, which satisfies my need for outdoors exploration, and nurture the relationships I have.
Perhaps you need to have a think about what’s important to you, and concentrate on that? It does sound like you’re being unreasonable, tbh.

He's right, you sound like a spoilt brat.

Remember a similar thread where the poster was most upset that they had no long holidays booked till nearer the end of the year, 'only' weekends and short breaks in the uk! She actually thought she was being hard done to! 🙄

Yeah, he's right.

I think you're being a bit OTT since you are going out a lot really. But maybe the way to do it is decide how much to save each month for the renovations to meet £X target in Y months. Anything leftover over and above that amount each month is spent on fun stuff.

Ultimately though it sounds like you have different priorities, which doesn't mean there is a strict right or wrong. You just need to agree a fair compromise and move forward.

It does sound like you need to rein your spending in.

That you are 'bored of normal life,' is something that you need to address. You clearly use these trips as a focus and you live from trip to trip hence the need for booking yet another trip.
In the long term, that's unsustainable.

You sound as though you aren't even ready to settle down with someone.

You need to focus on house renovation not fun, sorry but he is right