Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend told me to get a grip....aibu?

245 replies

ooohpll · 08/06/2022 08:25

I'm the type of person who always needs something coming up and something to look forward too.
We have no trips away now till beginning of September.
We have had 3 weekends away this year and came back on Sunday and went to a gig that night.
Now bf has said we need to start saving money for house renovations (which we do )
We will still have fortnightly date nights and days out but no weekends away till September then November we are going abroad.
It just seems so far away.
3 months with nothing except a meal or night out to the theatre (mamma Mia ) to break it up but that's literally the local theatre.
It's not because I'm demanding (I swear ) I just get bored of normal life and just love being out exploring.
Aibu ?
I have been trying to get a night away booked in for late July /august but bf is adamant we should spend summer months at hone.

OP posts:
kimfox · 08/06/2022 08:50

You can still go exploring - just closer to home & ideally free! Time to get creative & adjust your thinking!

gamerchick · 08/06/2022 08:50

He's right OP.

However, with a bit of imagination there are plenty of free stuff that can be done in the UK. Go out for the day, take some food. Get inventive.

withiceplease · 08/06/2022 08:50

Do free stuff locally and take a packed lunch

MarinoRoyale · 08/06/2022 08:51

Yeah he’s right, you sound high maintenance! Maybe explore the middle ground between weekends away and boredom at home, there’s plenty of things to do in life that are more low key, use your imagination!

Momicrone · 08/06/2022 08:51

I agree with you op, life is for living

Nein9 · 08/06/2022 08:54

YABVU, he is right. You don't need to be constantly spending to "explore". Go to the park on a weekend, read a book in the garden in the nice weather, visit a local beauty spot for a walk... Tbh it just sounds like you won't look forward to it unless it's something that requires spending money.

Rememberallball · 08/06/2022 08:54

YABU - if you don’t knuckle down and start saving then the house renovations won’t get done and, in the medium to long term, it will start costing you more and more money to maintain your house and cover bills. When that happens there won’t be the money for date nights and theatre visits let alone weekends away and holidays. I’d listen to your DP and think how lucky you have been to have so many holidays already!!

Original poster
ooohpll · 08/06/2022 09:00

I'm honestly not a brat or spoiled or anything.
Probably should have included in my op
But I used to be a full time carer for my grandma who had dementia for over 10 years.
I never did anything.
Even going to Tesco was a day out
So now being able to actually make plans and do things is so good.
She passed away 20 months ago and I miss her so much ...I just enjoy having some life back

OP posts:
lap90 · 08/06/2022 09:02

He's right.

Nancydrawn · 08/06/2022 09:04

Why don't you plan an inexpensive day trip and look forward to that?

Skinnermarink · 08/06/2022 09:05

Yes but why does it have to be big events that are planned that you look forward to? Can’t you look forward to the more low key things too?

Original poster
ooohpll · 08/06/2022 09:06

It doesn't have to be expensive
I've suggested picnics at the beach and there's a free concert near us but he says it will be "boring" and he knows he will go to the pub

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 08/06/2022 09:07

Is it the idea of being home alone with him all weekend that bores you? No distraction from how you get on?

WeAreBob · 08/06/2022 09:07

Grow up.
He is 100% right and you sound like a petulant child.

SoupDragon · 08/06/2022 09:08

ooohpll · 08/06/2022 09:06

It doesn't have to be expensive
I've suggested picnics at the beach and there's a free concert near us but he says it will be "boring" and he knows he will go to the pub

But you say you're trying to book a night away in your OP. That isn't the same as a picnic on the beach or a free concert.

Skinnermarink · 08/06/2022 09:11

Ah you’ve changed tack a bit now OP.

dudsville · 08/06/2022 09:12

I think you're getting a harsh time here. I don't think either one of you is right, both are ok ways to live, but they are incompatible, and this is important to understand. Your focus is on adventure. Lovely! His is on saving up for a home. Fabulous! Could he be truly happy and content saving less? Or could you be truly happy and content being less adventurous? This is about each of your individual values and ethics. Only the two of you can decide if comprise makes for an equally satisfying life.

Pleasebeafleabite · 08/06/2022 09:13

During the 12 years it took me to pay off my mortgage, and renovate my house, I went away only once for a week in the UK, and a couple of long weekends with my sister

Beat this MN competitive barrel scrapers

OP - a night in a premier inn is £50. Downscale your weekends and he won’t have much to object to

oviraptor21 · 08/06/2022 09:13

Reverse? Got to be. Surely nobody is that un-self aware

Confusion101 · 08/06/2022 09:14

Regardless of your added info about not doing mucb in the past, you have agreed with your OH to do something every second weekend, to go away in September, and to go abroad in November. How can you not see how much activity that is for one couple trying to save for house renovations??

SleepingStandingUp · 08/06/2022 09:15

oviraptor21 · 08/06/2022 09:13

Reverse? Got to be. Surely nobody is that un-self aware

Maybe not. Sure I've read a similar post recently as they were moving house and he wanted to save and she just wanted to go away every weekend.

I really would think it's a distraction from the relationship if I was him

ThreeonaHill · 08/06/2022 09:18

I think if you "need" things to look forward to that much, you need to have a look at your normal life and improve that. What do you want from life, what do you want to achieve? Holidays and nights out are really only a superficial part.

SummerInSun · 08/06/2022 09:18

Hmmm - if he finds just spending time with you chatting, eg picnic, country walk, visit to a free museum, going to a free concert "boring" you may have bigger issues. It may be that he likes to chill at home more than you do and you want to be out and about. If so, you either both recognise that and agree that you'll go and do those other things with friends or on your own (but not spending joint money that's supposed to be for the renovations) while he relaxes at home or has a quiet drink at the pub with mates - or you decide you are incompatible.

I had one set of friends where her absolutely favourite thing was travel, and her boyfriend was a homebird and didn't like going anywhere. They were so far apart on what made them each feel happy they eventually split up (and each wound up with someone they were much more compatible with).

On the other hand, I frequently have a night out with my friends while my husband indulges his passing n for DIY. I come home happy because I've been out. He's happy because he's fixed a doorknob or filled a crack in the wall or something. And we are both happy the other one is happy.

LadyR77 · 08/06/2022 09:21

Good grief, you sound like extremely hard work. YABVVVU!!

LaingsAcidTab · 08/06/2022 09:21

What are you actually missing in your life that you're trying to avoid looking at by distracting yourself, OP?