Boyfriend told me to get a grip....aibu?

[ooohpll]

I'm the type of person who always needs something coming up and something to look forward too.
We have no trips away now till beginning of September.
We have had 3 weekends away this year and came back on Sunday and went to a gig that night.
Now bf has said we need to start saving money for house renovations (which we do )
We will still have fortnightly date nights and days out but no weekends away till September then November we are going abroad.
It just seems so far away.
3 months with nothing except a meal or night out to the theatre (mamma Mia ) to break it up but that's literally the local theatre.
It's not because I'm demanding (I swear ) I just get bored of normal life and just love being out exploring.
Aibu ?
I have been trying to get a night away booked in for late July /august but bf is adamant we should spend summer months at hone.

Yabu to need more time away/gigs booked. You have done a lot have plans from Sept and house renovation is a priority.

Yanbu to expect him to make cheap plans like picnic or beach.

Get a bloody grip and be grateful you can have such luxuries. Wars and poverty everywhere and you're whining you've to wait 3 months for a holiday ffs. Pathetic.

I thought you were being unreasonable but have seen your updates and if he wont do a picnic at the beach or a free concert then I'm not sure you're compatible if you enjoy these things. It's fine for him to say you need to save money or chill out a bit more. It's not fine for him to refuse to go anywhere or do anything with you.

The solution is surely to do some other cheap stuff with your friends

i think the problem is not the problem.....seems to me that for whatever reason you want different lifestyles....are you sure that you are compatible?

I was going to ask how you coped during lockdown, OP, but your update helps. I don't think what you're asking for is ridiculous or unreasonable but if your BF is focused on getting the renovations done as quickly as possible he may see it as sabotage rather than meeting your emotional needs. I hope you find a solution.

He's right about savings and renovations (and honestly renovating is a huge exhausting and also rewarding project in itself even if you are managing rather than actually doing the work).

But your boyfriend's attitude to you suggesting cheap/free stuff to do is very negative. No point unless he can go to a pub - oh dear! So he'd rather do nothing??? Haven't you got friends you can go and see free concerts and have picnics with? Maybe when he sees you having a good (and cheap) time he will realise he's missing out.

The drip feed doesn’t help you as you’ve already had 3 weekends away, have a holiday booked and do something out every fortnight.

Having read your follow-up posts, I do have some sympathy.

I also get quite restless if I don't have anything interesting to look forward to or somewhere/something new to see. In an ideal world, yes, I'd go away loads - but if not, it doesn't have to be anything expensive or exotic. It could be an interesting country walk or a wander round a nice town I don't usually go to, or a trip to a museum or a gallery or something. Just any change of scene really.

I think your boyfriend is reasonable to say that you can't keep spending money on loads of weekends away if you need to save up to renovate a house. However, you've suggested doing some nice, inexpensive local things and your boyfriend says they will be boring and that he'll go to the pub - that's unreasonable of him.

You and your partner are not compatible.

Do you normally get on ok when you haven't got anything planned to do? Or do you need to be doing something to enjoy his company?

I get you girl but he is right 🤣

What about going walking / exploring, OP? Is fun and cheap and visits to the odd coffee shop wouldn't break the bank. Picnics good too.

YABU He is right.

You go out a lot and you have a holiday in a few months. It sounds good.

Just noticed he said that sort of stuff was boring. Go on your own!

Good grief! - talk about wanting it all! Get a grip indeed!

You need to be the architect of your own happiness and not let your BF have the deciding vote on how you achieve that.

Having said that YABU in that you sound like you’ve expensive (both money and time) tastes and there does come a point you have to make a decision on cutting down on things to achieve something else. That’s not to say to sit at home but it would do you good to find a sustainable activity/hobby/friendship/voluntary position that isn’t reliant on grand plans or a partner.

YABU, many homes can't afford fortnightly date nights and holidays! There's plenty you can do which is either very cheap or free, find a new place locally to walk, have a pre planned film night where you have popcorn/drinks/blankets on the sofa, cook a meal from scratch together.

You need to grow up. If you don't want the responsibility of the house renovation then leave him. He deserves better support from a partner.

Didums

Your bf is right you need to accept things and find enjoyment in simple activities rather than weekends away all the time.

Tbh it does make me wonder how much compromise goes on in this relationship. I wouldn’t be surprised if the BF’s side of the story included enjoying their adventures but now wanting to concentrate on their home. It’s possible there’s an element of ‘we’ve been doing what’s important to you and now this is important to me’.

it may just be they’re incompatible but not necessarily if it’s a case of being more mindful of each other’s needs.

He is right. You have lots of nice things.
You've had a difficult time but I'd say you are more than catching up now.

You need to be comfortable in just being and not needing the next thing to make you feel better.. where does it stop.?

We prioritised travel and going out over home renovations. After locked and we managed to get the house sorted as we did save some money but very glad we did lots of travel etc when we still could. That said it was a joint decision.

Maybe plan days, bbq’s, days at the beach. There’s always summer fairs and free festivals at this time of year. Doesn’t all have to be with your boyfriend if he’s not keen on the gig and other things you’ve found. Go with some friends.

It sounds like cutting back will be worth it in the end for both of you. We are doing similar over summer to sort out our house. I’ve picked up an extra job over summer to do it as otherwise we’d never afford it. At least you have the time to go out and explore!

You need a hobby