Boyfriend told me to get a grip....aibu?

[ooohpll]

I'm the type of person who always needs something coming up and something to look forward too.
We have no trips away now till beginning of September.
We have had 3 weekends away this year and came back on Sunday and went to a gig that night.
Now bf has said we need to start saving money for house renovations (which we do )
We will still have fortnightly date nights and days out but no weekends away till September then November we are going abroad.
It just seems so far away.
3 months with nothing except a meal or night out to the theatre (mamma Mia ) to break it up but that's literally the local theatre.
It's not because I'm demanding (I swear ) I just get bored of normal life and just love being out exploring.
Aibu ?
I have been trying to get a night away booked in for late July /august but bf is adamant we should spend summer months at hone.

Sounds like that fundamentally you and him have different priorities and aren't compatible.

Neither is better or worse. Just different.

I think you need to be really honest with yourself about whether this relationship is right for you.

So go by yourself or with a friend?

Go without him then?
No reason why you have to do everything together
Go alone, or with friends, or family, or there are loads of fb, meet up groups etc near me where people meet up with others interested in going to various events.

I'm with your boyfriend. You sound like hard work.

Unless you have a money tree in the garden, he's right.

Renovations ALWAYS cost more than you anticipated as well, so you need to make a slush fund or accept that you will progress more slowly.

I'm unimpressed that you changed your story when posters didn't all side with you, plus the dripfeed about caring for your grandmother. I actually understand how you feel in that respect as when I was a child, we rarely got to go anywhere or do anything and grabbed any opportunity to get out with both hands, ie "Do you want to go and watch X practise their hobby?" "HELL YEAH"...

You have additional priorities now, you are going to have to compromise in order to build up funds or get stuff done. You are still getting to have breaks and have a holiday abroad booked for later this year, so you don't really have anything to complain about?

Do you have a decent pot of savings for emergencies? I think you need to really think about your compatibility, there are plenty of people out there who would want the same as you.

Times are tough right now, I couldn't be with someone so frivolous. You need a similar mindset as your partner in life on lifestyle choices.

@TheNoodlesIncident makes insightful points.

you were a carer and feel you’ve missed out on a lot. I get it, I’m there myself and have been basically all my adult life, however, the whirlwind has to settle at some point and it’s not missing out on life to find a balance that sometimes includes no one ‘big thing’ to motivate you. It’s just not sustainable.

if you live your life as a series of adventures eventually that just becomes as monotonous and ‘normal’ as everything else. If you’re chasing that high of experiencing something new and the feeling of freedom it’s going to get harder and harder to achieve. Then, as happens in life, you will find yourself with periods where it just isn’t possible and nothing to fill that void.

basically I think you need to concentrate on building a better balanced, more rounded life. One that you can find happiness in a variety of circumstances with.

Yabu. Your bf is right. He has priorities and sticking to them. You have been away plenty and still have lots to look forward to. You are sounding like a bit of a childish brat and I would be irritated with your attitude.

If he doesn’t want to go out with you to do free things then you either need to go out with friends or go by yourself.

It's clearly terrible for you that you won't get to have any holidays for a few weeks bit at least in the meantime you can console yourself with your Biggest Dripfeed Of The Year award.

Money aside, why do you need him to have something to look forward to? Can't you arrange stuff with friends? Doesn't have to be a holiday...

I Understand your perspectives op

This. Op mentioned absolutely nothing about the other stuff he declined. Her entire op was about holidays. It quite obvious op

You sound very high maintenance.

Why do you constantly have to have something like a holiday planned? Is your life that boring that you have to have something booked in all the time?

"It's not because I'm demanding (I swear"
You sound totally self entitled and infantile.
Your other half sounds like a mature adult.

Op definitely isn’t wanting a picnic. She says they have nothing but date night, trip to theatre and days out between no and the next holiday.

it’s not like they are doing nothing. How would a couple of picnics change that.

Op is either a very spoiled person OR she is deeply unhappy and can only cope by having an escape very close on the horizon

OP I am just curious - can I ask the respective ages of you and your boyfriend?

I honestly am not 100% happy.
I don't want to be accused of "drip feeding" but I've lost my mam and nana /grandmother in 3 years and I just feel so lonely with them gone.
Having "big " things to look forward too makes me happy...and yes it is nice not to have to walk past there houses for a few days and just feel like someone different.
I know that makes no sense.
When we go away we don't stay in fancy places.
I'm happy in a premier inn..it's Just a nice escape.
Without having to come back home and realise all my people have now left.
I'm 26 and bf is 37

I think this comes down to differing levels of maturity now I’ve seen your ages. You’re at different points with your life priorities.

Meant to add, I was more like you at 26- grasshopper who played all summer- now at 36 financial priorities have shifted big time.

everybody needs things to look forward to - but if you want to make a home together renovations eat up a lot of time energy and all the money.

I don't know what might work for you guys but I know of people who've looked forward to a 'painting party' for after a room was 'done' and the plaster was dry enough to paint. Friends come over, everybody paints you supply beer and pizza?

If you're working on the house most weekends could you plan a weekend off? Lazy lie in, walk in woods, picnic, long bath, cinema trip? Could you do this once a month or once every six weeks?

Honestly. You need To talk to a professional to process your grief, rather than running away.

And you and your boyfriend are at different life stages. Nothing better or worse but that you are not wanting the same things out of life at the moment

This OP. I know everyone grieves in their own way and that's ok but you are going to have to face it at some point :(