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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend told me to get a grip....aibu?

245 replies

ooohpll · 08/06/2022 08:25

I'm the type of person who always needs something coming up and something to look forward too.
We have no trips away now till beginning of September.
We have had 3 weekends away this year and came back on Sunday and went to a gig that night.
Now bf has said we need to start saving money for house renovations (which we do )
We will still have fortnightly date nights and days out but no weekends away till September then November we are going abroad.
It just seems so far away.
3 months with nothing except a meal or night out to the theatre (mamma Mia ) to break it up but that's literally the local theatre.
It's not because I'm demanding (I swear ) I just get bored of normal life and just love being out exploring.
Aibu ?
I have been trying to get a night away booked in for late July /august but bf is adamant we should spend summer months at hone.

OP posts:
Lollypop701 · 08/06/2022 10:21

10 years of doing nothing means op will value her free time now! Does your Dp want a pub to be involved in every outing op? Because he’s still up for date nights.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 08/06/2022 10:25

ooohpll · 08/06/2022 09:06

It doesn't have to be expensive
I've suggested picnics at the beach and there's a free concert near us but he says it will be "boring" and he knows he will go to the pub

It’s interesting how often people’s story changes when they find they are getting a little bit of criticism.

Going by what you actually posted, yes, you are being unreasonable.

If you want to get out the house more why not get an evening or weekend job? A few hours work in a pub a couple of nights a week would give you something to do and help get some money in.

billy1966 · 08/06/2022 10:30

Are you really suited?

How old are you?

You are locked into costly house renovations when you want to live a bit more?

I can certainly understand this OP.

You gave up a lot for your grandmother.

Who owns the house?

Herewegoagain84 · 08/06/2022 10:33

It’s adult life and managing a budget etc. You sound quite hedonistic and a bit concerning you’re bored with “normal life”. He’s right.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 08/06/2022 10:33

I swear Ive read this before.

BrunoMadrigal · 08/06/2022 10:37

ZeroFuchsGiven · 08/06/2022 10:33

I swear Ive read this before.

I came to post the exact same thing.

I’ve read this before.

RainCoffeeBook · 08/06/2022 10:41

You sound like a nightmare. You've had more trips and treats than the vast majority of people and you continually demand more.

Wotrewelookinat · 08/06/2022 10:43

There must be some free/ cheap things you can do more locally for a change of scene.…walking around the local area, local history, cycling, take up a sport, a hobby, do some volunteering…

LindaEllen · 08/06/2022 10:45

Sit down with DP and work out what you want to do to the house, when by, and how much it's going to cost. Then agree on an amount to put aside each month for the renovations, and stick to it.

From there, if you have anything left, you can make other plans.

I know people can disagree about how much to spend and what on, but you really shouldn't be prioritising holidays over getting your house sorting, that must be so infuriating for your DP.

Also saying you need breaks/holidays sounds really spoilt and whiny.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 08/06/2022 10:51

You sound really spoilt

LampLighter414 · 08/06/2022 10:52

Wow you seem like hard work

zingally · 08/06/2022 10:58

I'm similar to you. I get bored easily and need things to look forward to. I have ADHD though, so in some ways, my brain craves stimulation. And being away from home scratches that itch quite unlike anything else. That being said, there's also a fine line for me, too many nights away and I get discombobulated and need a good length of time at home to re-balance.

Being a responsible partner though, and adult, is about balance. If there are house renovations that need doing, they really should take precedence over a jolly.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 08/06/2022 10:59

You sound like hard work and appear to change your narrative based on the responses you got.

You need to grow up and prioritise like an adult.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 08/06/2022 11:01

Go out without him. Maybe friends could join you sometimes?
I love going out and exploring too and my dh doesn't so I just go without him. It's not ideal but I'm not going to sit around at home every weekend when there's a world out there.

Andromachehadabadday · 08/06/2022 11:01

I would have told you to get grip.

You both need save. I am guessing for getting a house, rather than renovations. Since this almost identical to the other thread that was posted, I am guessing this another chance at getting the answers you wanted.

You do not have the income to save for renovations and have the same amount of trips away that you used to. If you were a full time carer for 10 years and got a well paid job quite quickly, that affords either of those options I would say you are doing fantastically.

But That’s just how it is. You can’t afford both.

mumofone1980 · 08/06/2022 11:01

Topseyt123 · 08/06/2022 08:35

You have plenty to look forward to.

To be honest, you sound exhausting. Maybe he just wants to slow down a little from this whirlwind, as well as save money.

I agree with you! You have more going on than anyone I know and as far as I can see ALOT to look forward too

BrownieBanana · 08/06/2022 11:04

Ffs half the country is trying to scrape by and you're upset your holiday isn't until September?

Ballcactus · 08/06/2022 11:04

Lucky you

Shedcity · 08/06/2022 11:04

We will still have fortnightly date nights and days out but no weekends away till September then November we are going abroad.

This sounds like a lot to me and is more than most people have. It’s also a lot of you have already been away 3 times this year, can go away lots of times at the end of the year and get your house renovated. I appreciate if you’re used to more this may be difficult but if this is too boring to face you probably need to look at the rest of your life. Aren’t there other fun things you can do. Does it have to be going away? Is that the only time you have fun?

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 08/06/2022 11:05

He sounds sensible.

Maybe go camping, if you have a tent.....that's pretty cheap. Otherwise try and enjoy some time at home, cook some nice meals and have friends over.....

StaunchMomma · 08/06/2022 11:06

Sorry but yes, YABU.

Your (utterly unreasonable) needs will push back being able to afford things that are way more important.

Also, if you are planning on settling down and having kids, it's a good idea to get used to not being able to do what you want to just because you want to.

Fortnightly date nights and days out are more than a lot of families get.

Make do, OP! And yes, get a grip!!

Rewis · 08/06/2022 11:13

You said in your op that you will be having days out but not weekends away. But your update says that you won't be when having picnics or free concerts in the area? These are two very different things.

Calmdown14 · 08/06/2022 11:16

Can't you just allocate the date night budget differently? Miss a couple of nights and spend the money on a weekend break in a premier Inn? Or go camping?

I do get where you are coming from. I like things to look forward to but they are all cheap.

You'd be better assigning an entertainment budget and then deciding how to use it.

Is the issue here really that your partner would rather socialize in the pub for the budget but your priorities are different

AryaStarkWolf · 08/06/2022 11:19

I agree with your b/f, go on a hike or something if you're bored and want to explore, it doesn't have to cost a lot to get out of the house you know

barneymcgroo · 08/06/2022 11:19

My eldest is 4. Have had 1 night out in the past 4 years. YABU.

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