Think MIL caught me adding gin to my drink ! Help !!!

[Whywhywhypinky]

We had guests over. No one was drinking . I ‘secretly’ poured myself a large gin in my lemonade . After , I Realised that my MIL was now sat in a seat where she could have seen through from the lounge into the kitchen . ( if she had of turned her head backwards !!!!)

I feel sick . I rarely drink . I poured the drink to calm my social anxiety! Now I feel sick as a dog that I might look like an alcoholic!!!!!!! My husband would be mortified if he found out .

MIL seemed quiet when I tried to talk to her after but then she has a history of being quiet and abit moody ? I feel so paranoid and angry at myself . Did she see ? I am not sure if she would ever bring it up if she did ? I’m totally freaking out . Why did I do this ???

I’m 35 with DS 10 months . MIL is 78
and very anti drinking ! We had a few
of my husbands nephews over .

I don’t know what an Earth I was playing at . I shouldn’t have done it !! I am feeling sick with worry . I even went and put my phone at the window seat and recorded myself pouring the drink ! High chance she could have seen me if she had turned my way !!!!!

For Goodness’s sake, please ignore this twatty post!! You don’t have a drinking problem, and anybody who thinks having a gin at 6pm is the makings of an alcoholic, should climb in the bin!

However, you do need to get a grip on your lack of confidence. Your MIL’s issues are not yours. She doesn’t like alcohol, I’m assuming from some trauma associated with it - that’s for her to deal with. You’re a grown woman, take control of your life.

Oo you don’t need to see your go for social anxiety! You need to be allowed to act as an adult in your own house! WTAF are you not allowed to drink because your MIL says she doesn’t like it? Just stop seeing her

Just popping on to give you a virtual hug OP.

I have chronic generalized anxiety disorder and a history of alcohol dependency, which is under control these days but could easily not be if I let it. I totally understand how you feel, and wish I could reassure you that it's fine in a way you would actually believe. But I know your anxiety will make that difficult. Am glad you are seeking medical help, things can improve for you with the right support.

And for those of you with sound mental health saying "this is a non-issue", you clearly have no idea how mental health disorders turn everything into an issue. Lucky bloody you!

Ignore this ridiculous post.

You are most definitely not an alcoholic - I can imagine doing the same to be honest in your position if you suffer from social anxiety. Not that it would help but I can imagine the scenario.

As others have said you are HUGELY over thinking this and the likelihood of MIL turning around at that precise moment and catching you is extremely unlikely, a quick pour out of a bottle into a glass must have taken mere seconds. I would try and get some help with your anxiety and just put this behind you. Easier said than done but I highly doubt anyone would think you an alcoholic, it's not like you are drinking neat gin for breakfast and stumbling around and slurring your words.

You sound someone who hasn't read the OP's posts &/or is confusing extreme anxiety with alcoholism.

One gin in 18 months doesn't make someone an alcoholic.
It was 6pm, not the middle of the day.

OP, it's great you told your DH & he was so understanding.
Now look back at how worried you were about his reaction. That was the anxiety talking - in reality, he is concerned FOR you not ABOUT you.
Please arrange to see your GP asap & get a referral for counselling or therapy. Your anxiety is debilitating & you shouldn't have to feel this way.
I imagine a course of CBT, plus some deeper therapy to uncover the causes of your people-pleasing tendencies & worry about what others think will help you, alongside medication if necessary.

And ignore the silly scolding & finger-wagging above - it's hard to believe that a PP would jump on you like that when you are clearly in a bad way, & you did not deserve it. Look after yourself, & get to the GP!

Come on woman! Stop sniveling round people apologising for having an alcoholic drink in your own home!

And if you feel like your MIL doesn't like you, all the more reason for a drink!

I engage with substance recovery support groups, not because I am a raging alcoholic but because I do not want to become one (again!). Could you look for an organisation near you? I find it so helpful and supportive to interact with non-judgmental people who totally understand because they're fighting - or have fought - their own battles. And because I am a very harsh self-critic, it is good for me to remind myself that I too deserve the concern and compassion that I feel for them.

It's fine op, don't worry. I understand anxiety as I have it too and it's awful. But honestly next time just say I fancy a gin does anyone want one? If they all say no and are anti drinking that's perfectly fine, you smile and go into the kitchen and get yourself one. Don't over think things. Who really gives a shit if she's tutting at you having a gin? You're not doing anything wrong.

Put this behind you, try and have a giggle about it with your husband and move on. Don't worry :)

@Whywhywhypinky

what do you suggest I do from here ??

In regards to the situation- drinking and MIl?

1. See your GP, counselling, CBT, propranolol could help. You are not an alcoholic but stressed, unhappy, and anxious.
2. Book a trip to go and see your family and friends!! Ripping you away from them - a major source of support - to go to Scotland when you’re a first time mother is bound to cause mental health problems. You have a ten month old baby and you have sod all support —> go to where your support and kindness is as much as possible!!!
3. Don’t give a monkeys about MIL, she’s 78, unless she is extremely long lived within the next decade you won’t have to worry about her domineering opinions. Brutal but true. Why shape your life around her controlling notions?! Tolerate her as needs but get on with what makes you happy.

You're suffering with paranoia and I imagine it's triggered by your OHs family's controlling ways. I've been there. Now I'm free I can live how I like with no one to tell me otherwise or get moody if I don't conform. Seriously...leave

I get social anxiety with his parents round too and get so nervous before they come (they don’t visit much). I was prescribed propranolol after phoning the doctors the day after their visit once when I had a full scale panic attack mid conversation. I was red, sweating, shaking, struggling to get any words to come out my mouth 🤦🏼‍♀️ Luckily I managed to cover it quite well I think but I just didn’t ever want to be in that situation again. I took the medication for work and if someone was visiting. I’ve ran out now but going to get more. I can totally see why you’d want a drink because I feel like if I have a drink I have a safety net to manage it a bit so totally feel your desperation to drink! Considered going on antidepressants for it but the side effects keep putting me off. I wouldn’t worry whether she saw or not, we are wayyy more aware of these things than other people are. People really couldn’t care less, we just assume they do

Just because your MIL hates booze, she doesn't get a say in whether you drink or not.

She'd smell it on your breath anyway.

I would. I can smell alcohol at 10 paces. It's got a very distinctive smell.

I mostly don't drink.

It sounds like a deliberate subconscious self-sabotage/statement that you want things to be different.

You obvs find her difficult to cope with. She has a lot of judgement.

The time to drink though is when she's not around.

Also i think you need to look deeper into your anxiety and how you can learn coping strategies to deal with it.

Have you tried CBT? Tapping? Emotional Freedom Technique. Some mindset coaching would be really good.

Try reading The Power of Being Disliked on amazon. I got it as an audible. It's great. You really need a lot of help to find a place of acceptance for these people's judgement of you and realise it's them not you, so you can stop the anxiety. At the moment their power over you is too strong. You need to claim the power back.

Drinking is fine by the way. But if it rocks the boat, why do it in front of them. Your subconscious is trying to get your into trouble. When we take big risks, it's a cry for help.

Get help.

She doesn't have to not have a gin and tonic in her own home just because her mother in law is a non drinker - how ridiculous!

Op please do not get upset about this.

It is your choice to have a gin, your house and your gin.
It is not for anyone to judge you stop being so harsh on yourself xx

I liked alcohol a lot when younger, now I’d don’t drink unless very stressed or celebrating something eg dh was ill and I went from 0 to 30 units a week for 6 weeks 🤷🏻‍♀️

My mil doesn’t drink, that’s her choice and it doesn’t impact anyone else.

To anyone still reading -

I booked an appointment at the GP . I’m being seen June 29th.
I also checked out some books on anxiety and CBT.

I had a message from FIL thanking us for a great party . I am really hoping this means that no one saw my antics .
Or if they did it’s good at least I received a thank you anyway.

To everyone who replied thank you . I have suffered from huge mental health for many years . I try and mask it and my biggest fear is others finding it out.

I feel pressure to be prefect or for people to like me . Which is so sad . That’s why I just like being home with my husband who loves me and I feel safe but I have a DS now and I don’t want him to have to suffer because I’m so anxious !

Thanks all!

Why are you so bothered what MIL thinks?

Its very bizarre to behave how you did yes, but rather than making you look like an alcoholic it makes you look mean, like you wanted a nice drink for yourself but didn’t want to offer anyone else one.

For me the most odd thing is why you would remotely care. Unless MIL is a recently recovering ex addict I don’t have a clue why you should care whether she sees you having a drink or not?

You need to learn to love yourself. Self-love. It's a huge thing that we're never taught in school and even if you had loving parents, it doesn't necessarily replicate to self-love in the child.

You sound like a massive people pleaser. Someone, somewhere in your past taught you that your feelings and desires and needs are lower than others. That you needed to put others before yourself.

GPs can't teach this kind of thing, to learn to love yourself. It sounds new-agey, but there are some very good self-love coaches online - you can sign up for their newsletters and that sort of thing but in the end it took me years and years of reading self-help books and a mindset coach to break the rules that had bound me for nearly 4 decades. I was a massive people pleaser. not so anymore!

It was a lot of money - but so worth it. Please do get help. CBT etc is only the start. You need to look deeper, unravel the patterns, break them and then decide how you want to live the rest of your life and as who.

So glad your starting to get some help now OP. You know a persons biggest critic is themselves so be kind to yourself. You have nothing to prove to no one, just be yourself.

OP just explained throughout the thread. Her actions are not bizzare, they are completly anxiety driven.

Kudos OP, it's not easy reaching out for help. I hope it goes well at the GP.

It looks like you've moved past the panic stage, which is good!

Sorry, in the nicest possible way. Stop being pathetic. You are in your house, if you fancy an gin, you pour yourself one. If she doesn´t like it, the door is that way. Though you were muslim and in Afghanistan for a moment. Calm down!

Maybe MIL should mind her own business?