Think MIL caught me adding gin to my drink ! Help !!!

[Whywhywhypinky]

We had guests over. No one was drinking . I ‘secretly’ poured myself a large gin in my lemonade . After , I Realised that my MIL was now sat in a seat where she could have seen through from the lounge into the kitchen . ( if she had of turned her head backwards !!!!)

I feel sick . I rarely drink . I poured the drink to calm my social anxiety! Now I feel sick as a dog that I might look like an alcoholic!!!!!!! My husband would be mortified if he found out .

MIL seemed quiet when I tried to talk to her after but then she has a history of being quiet and abit moody ? I feel so paranoid and angry at myself . Did she see ? I am not sure if she would ever bring it up if she did ? I’m totally freaking out . Why did I do this ???

I’m 35 with DS 10 months . MIL is 78
and very anti drinking ! We had a few
of my husbands nephews over .

I don’t know what an Earth I was playing at . I shouldn’t have done it !! I am feeling sick with worry . I even went and put my phone at the window seat and recorded myself pouring the drink ! High chance she could have seen me if she had turned my way !!!!!

But why. Why are you ‘so cross’
this is an absolute non event

She asks you - you say no. Nothing happened.

she assumes you are - you’re not, it’s not her business and you think she doesn’t like you anyway. Nothing happened.

what are you cross about?! Are you cross because you allow yourself to be controlled by this woman, in your own home, without her even saying a word? That should be what you’re cross about.

I’m more alarmed that you can’t say to your husband “ffs husband, I decided to slosh a bit of gin in my drink and when I turned round your bloody mother had moved seats”

She probably didn’t turn round anyway. What was she doing at the time?

OP stop overthinking. Get some sleep now and back away from the thread.
we have all told you this is ridiculous and you are being irrational.
you said you’re suffering from anxiety, so please accept our views on it (as outsiders). What was the point in posting on here if you didn’t want reassurance! Sleep well x

Agree with this

if it's evening no problem or sunny with bbq outside then yes

What would happen if it started raining and you had to go inside and cook on the hob, would it no longer be acceptable to have a G&T?

I’m so worried and anxious about this situation and the issues it might now cause

WHAT issues op?! There are non?
literally every poster is telling you this is not a big deal. You feel anxious, fine, but you need to accept at least on a logical level that nothing happened, this isn’t important.

if MIL makes you feel like it’s important then you definitely need to consider your relationship with her. You’re an adult, no other adult should have that much influence over you.

@Cactusprick what a lovely comment 😊

I am !
@DoIDareSayAnything
@Penguintears
@ClumpingBambooIsALie

i do have huge anxiety. Off the scale. I hate even leaving the house ! I agonise over conversations I had / texts I sent . To the outward world I appear a well presented and semi sane professional!!!!! But I have crippling anxiety and suffer from wanting to people please And it is clear I need professional help as this is all getting out of hand !

You need to just be weird all the time. Then everyone just thinks oh that's a new weird thing she's got. I often keep my cup of tea in the cupboard so the cat doesn't sniff it, seeing you mix a drink in the cupboard would not have even registered to me. Just do all the weird things you want now and people will just forget them 👍 nobody wonders why I do odd things now.

This is what I need to hear x thank you.

i am just so embarrassed about the sneaking around ! But if she saw me then it’s not the end of the world is it. Slightly embarrassing it could have been so much worse .

thank you. Okay ! Bed time for me .

GP. Sertraline low dose helps with anxiety. Counselling. Also tonic, always tonic, not lemonade.

Pretend it never happened and carry on as normal. If she mentions anything about it just laugh and dismiss it saying ‘meant to offer the gin around but got distracted by x’

Night night lovely 😘 x

Thing is, your mil thinks you no longer drink. Do you think she has any reason therefore to secretly watch your every move? You are worried because you know what you did. But your mil wouldn’t have been suspicious at all of you having a secret drink, and I think it’s very unlikely she would have turned right round in order to watch you in the kitchen.

I don't get it? Unless you are pregnant, a recovering alcoholic, driving somewhere later or part of an anti drinking religion why exactly is an adult pouring a large gin in front of another adult an issue?

That's fine. Your house, your rules, you can pour yourself one large gin any time you like. Who cares what MILs think? Most MILs (as described on Mumsnet) seem to be as nosy as! Why would your husband be mortified? That needs looking into. If she says anything to him, he should have your back and tell her it's none of her business and adults are allowed to pour themselves a drink when they feel like it, whether or not anyone else is drinking at that point! (Would only be possibly anyone else's business if you are: co-sleeping with the baby before the drink will have cleared your system, ditto driving or operating machinery, on medication where it would be dangerous for you to drink, or these large gins are more frequent than one a day, and hence could genuinely be a problem when you are caring for the children, which is not the case here.)

I think people are being a bit unfair saying you sound nuts etc. Anxiety can do awful things to you - I know from experience.

I can understand how you feel, I really can. My mother in law is extremely anti-alcohol, won't touch it and makes her views known about other people drinking too. Because of how she can be with forcing her views onto others and how unpleasant she can make you feel over things, if this had happened to me, and I thought she'd seen me, I'd be feeling exactly like you. I'd be worrying about what she was going to say after the event because she would most definitely have something to say about it. She's the same about anyone swearing or spending too much money on things she wouldn't approve of or would see as wasteful, like eating out or even having coffee out. I know, I know, she sounds like a real bundle of laughs! She's honestly really nice apart from that 😂

I hope you're OK, OP.

Unless you really do have a problem with alcohol, this is about your anxiety. Most people wouldn't give a curse if their MIL disapproved of alcohol in the scheme of things. I think you should really try to get urgent help for your anxiety - it must be excruciating for you if are trying to self-medicate with hidden gins.

When DH's and my parents met for the first time before my wedding it was for lunch. I wasn't a drinker then - and my parents were pretty much teetotal. My sister handed me a glass of coke just before they arrived and said "there is a shot of vodka in this, it will help" my mum would have been so disapproving :)

Can't really fathom the situation in general - why you are panicking so much about your MIL seeing you pouring a gin, why you had to hide it etc

But YABU to use exclamation marks to the excessive level you do, and in every sentence. Its only adding to the general impression you're giving of being very dramatic and immature.

This whole situation is a bit like a cringeworthy comedy sketch but as it’s your actual life then own it.
If you want a drink and you’re not an alcoholic have a drink.
Btw gin smells pretty strong so next time you want a secret drink choose vodka.

i was trying to hide in a cupboard and pour a gin! I should have just bloody poured it like a normal person !

well if I saw you trying to hide in a cupboard to pour a drink I'd look at you too as of course it looks odd

You sound in a complete tizz tho. Trying to be who you're not, ie saintly, will do your mindset no good at all. If you were yammering on to your MIL after Gingate it's no wonder she sat quiet, likely asking herself what on earth you are going on about.

Good luck with GP appointment

How do people live like this? It must be exhausting?

Can we stop with the fucking mean comments.nuts,get a grip wtaf where is your compassion.this lady obviously suffers really bloody severely with her mental health.would you say this shit to other people with non mental health issues/illness.does she want to feel this anxious,ruminating,delibatated by such small things I very much doubt it.imaggine having these thoughts,how horrible and all consuming.then be kind to her.lets help her rationalise a bit.shes said over and over she has crippling anxiety mental health stuff.wht are we kicking her and using terms of the stigmatising variety.
Doubt anyone would feel like this if they could "just stop get over it" we have so fartoo go on how we support those suffering with mh.no wonder they don't seem help eh.
Op.your house your rules really.tour mother on law can think what she will you can't control that and nor do u need to just be you,do you.and it's over now.gojng round it all won't change or fix it just weigh you down .what would you tell me or a loved one if they were having the thoughts you were?

I feel if we had Mumsnet hQ edit the post to swap out "poured myself a small gin into my lemonade" and replace with "snorted a cheeky line of coke off my kitchen counter" the thread would make a whole load more sense...

You speak of "alcohol" like it's some sort of ultimate shameful taboo!

Op, I hope you feel better about this after a nights sleep. You haven’t done anything wrong and it’s awful you felt you had to hide having a drink in the first place. I hope your Drs appt happens soon and that everything else improves for you as well.