Think MIL caught me adding gin to my drink ! Help !!!

[Whywhywhypinky]

We had guests over. No one was drinking . I ‘secretly’ poured myself a large gin in my lemonade . After , I Realised that my MIL was now sat in a seat where she could have seen through from the lounge into the kitchen . ( if she had of turned her head backwards !!!!)

I feel sick . I rarely drink . I poured the drink to calm my social anxiety! Now I feel sick as a dog that I might look like an alcoholic!!!!!!! My husband would be mortified if he found out .

MIL seemed quiet when I tried to talk to her after but then she has a history of being quiet and abit moody ? I feel so paranoid and angry at myself . Did she see ? I am not sure if she would ever bring it up if she did ? I’m totally freaking out . Why did I do this ???

I’m 35 with DS 10 months . MIL is 78
and very anti drinking ! We had a few
of my husbands nephews over .

I don’t know what an Earth I was playing at . I shouldn’t have done it !! I am feeling sick with worry . I even went and put my phone at the window seat and recorded myself pouring the drink ! High chance she could have seen me if she had turned my way !!!!!

Yes. I’m paranoid they associate me with drinking as they know in our youth hubby and I liked a drink ! So now we never mention drinking and I can tell in law as are so happy we don’t drink . So I’m paranoid my sneaky episode looks really bad .

But WHY were yoi hiding in a cupboard?

My MIL doesn't approve of women drinking. That's fine, she can hold any opinion she likes. Makes no difference to me.

You need to get some help for your anxiety.

You need to calm down
if you don’t normally drink and you are confident you aren’t an alcoholic, stop giving this woman so much power. Who cares what she likes or doesn’t like?
who cares what she thinks? Youve already said she’s moody and not very nice so you think she doesn’t like you. So how are you worse off now

is there more to this? Your reaction just doesn’t make sense tbh. What’s she going to do ask you if you’re an alcoholic and you will truthfully say no? Is that the worst possible outcome?

Why does it matter if your MIL knows you drink once a month? Why are you so worried about this OP? There was no episode today, you just poured yourself a drink. You weren't drinking from the bottle or drunk. You just had a drink.

You're giving your MIL a lot of power over you.

Also, am a bit concerned that you say DH would be mortified if he found out. Why?

Im paranoid because I would have caused a big issue if she saw me . I’m not sure what on Earth I was thinking . Either I don’t drink or I pour a drink like a normal person .
I belive my MIL thinks I liked Alchol a lot when I was young and my sneaking around would of made her worried: confused.
i do have massive anxiety/ stress about people liking me and I can see now that I do need some help!
I am so embarrassed about today as I was sneaking alchol into a drink . I should have made my original post clearer .

FFS grow up. And use less exclamation points.

HRTHT. Your first mistake was doing it sneakily. Stop that! You are an adult and can have a drink if you want and you don't have to justify it to your MIL or your husband.

@leavethewallalone I’m not an alcoholic. I wasn’t drunk . I thought a gin would calm my nerves as I was finding the afternoon so overwhelming.
it was about 6pm. Everyone was in the next room . I offered no one else a drink . I ‘secretly’ poured the gin in my glass in the cupboard. But realised suddenly MIL had moved and was now at the window . I could see the back of her head . She could of been watching the whole thing .
Had I of just poured a drink normally ( not in the cupboard ) I would be less stressed about it . But I was clearly sneaking around!

I just can't imagine wanting a gin in my own home and having to sneak one.

The fact that you were drinking or even putting your drink in your glass on the sly isn't an issue IMO.

What is an issue is how big a deal this is to you, the approval you feel you need to have from others, and the level of anxiety you feel around this. This truly is a complete none issue. It doesn't matter if you used to drink when you were younger (who didn't). I went out drinking most weekends in my early 20s but nobody panics if I now have a drink age 30. I do think you need to seek help for your anxiety and maybe look up some grounding exercises that you can do in times like this, as you are ruminating.

HRTWT

if this is all you have to worry about! Next time hide the gin in the garage and nip out for snacks - or miniatures in your bra and nip to the loo!

What do you think would happen if she did see? Complain there’s a grown woman having a drink? Report you to your husband?

Hey hubby I snook a drink when your mother was here - DH ‘where was mine?’

I’m not an alcoholic. I wasn’t drunk

I know you weren't, that's why this event really isn't an event. It's highly likely that nobody but you is thinking about this.

@Shedcity

i suppose worst case , she either asks me .
Or she doesn’t , and She assumes I am .

i am just so cross I was sneaking around .

You sound bloody nuts😂

But WHY do you care AT ALL what she thinks?
It’s actually so sad that you care whatsoever what she thinks of you.
You’re married to her son, not her. She just so happens to be his mum. You do not have to live up to any expectation of hers whatsoever.

please stop caring immediately. It’s so pointless. You will instantly feel better once you have come to your senses, realised how ridiculous this is, and let it go!

The only unreasonable part was having lemonade with your gin, not tonic.

Yes in a standing cupboard but she could have seen from her position ! I was clearly hiding it!i know she would be so concerned about my behaviour if she did see .
I am suffering with huge anxiety, I am currently on drs waiting list . I suffer massively from worrying of what others think . I probably sounds weak and pathetic but I’m so worried and anxious about this situation and the issues it might now cause .

The alcohol is a bit of a side issue I think. Nobody should have to deal with social anxiety so severe they feel they need help from alcohol with guests they invite into their own home. Either your guests are horrible, in which case IMO you're entitled to choose not to be around them, or they're not and you deserve help dealing with your social anxiety.

Interesting. People don’t usually tend to start drinking less when they move to Scotland…

(I’m Scottish, I’m allowed to say that 😉)

Look up people pleasing. I think you would really benefit from some counselling. Not saying that to be rude or snide but genuinely you are giving other people so much power over your life. It is likely to be what is at the root of your social anxiety. Get some counselling now and you won't spend the rest of your life feeling like this.

Please do just get a grip. So what if she saw you, and you don't know she did for sure and if she won't say anything you will never know anyway. Just assume she didn't and in future have a drink in your own home if you want one, without sneaking. Forgot what she thinks, stop letting your thoughts of her view point on you control you.

Does your MIL also live in Scotland, did you move there to be closer to her? Sounds like the proximity is not helping your anxiety.

This is absolutely fucking bonkers. Fucking hell, you're an adult in your own home. What your MIL thinks is irrelevant, and your paranoia is insane.