Think MIL caught me adding gin to my drink ! Help !!!

[Whywhywhypinky]

We had guests over. No one was drinking . I ‘secretly’ poured myself a large gin in my lemonade . After , I Realised that my MIL was now sat in a seat where she could have seen through from the lounge into the kitchen . ( if she had of turned her head backwards !!!!)

I feel sick . I rarely drink . I poured the drink to calm my social anxiety! Now I feel sick as a dog that I might look like an alcoholic!!!!!!! My husband would be mortified if he found out .

MIL seemed quiet when I tried to talk to her after but then she has a history of being quiet and abit moody ? I feel so paranoid and angry at myself . Did she see ? I am not sure if she would ever bring it up if she did ? I’m totally freaking out . Why did I do this ???

I’m 35 with DS 10 months . MIL is 78
and very anti drinking ! We had a few
of my husbands nephews over .

I don’t know what an Earth I was playing at . I shouldn’t have done it !! I am feeling sick with worry . I even went and put my phone at the window seat and recorded myself pouring the drink ! High chance she could have seen me if she had turned my way !!!!!

OP I understand.
My mother is ike this with alcohol, I have stopped even having wine at the christmas table because she is so anti- alcohol.
She would cold shoulder me for weeks if she saw me drinking.
It is horrible feeling so judged.

You do know that this is them , their hangups, their rigidity and disapproval that is at the root of this?

Tell them, your DH, anyone and everyone, to fuck off!

Please do get some help with that anxiety. Though, like everyone else here, I am pretty sure that moving away from such controlling, disapproving muppets will do wonders for you!

That does sound worrying but I think You’ll have more constructive advice if you start your own thread,

Awww stop worrying… you are a grown up and you had a gin at 6pm in your own house, it’s perfectly normal. You were sneaky because your MIL dislikes alcohol and you didn’t want to be judged. If, and it’s a big if, she saw you then so what!?
Stop stressing now x

It's not so easy if we want to maintain good relations though.
If I openly drank over a meal there would be a ton of glares, comments,
it would really sour the ocassion, and there would be repurcussions for days afterwards.
We have even been known to fill a bottle of elderflower juice ( which my mother doesn;t like) and bring wine to the table at christmas lunch that way.
I have lived with this for years. My neice (her granddaugher) stayed with us one christmas- she knows the score, we were all drinking mulled wine out of mugs, pretending it is coffee. THankfully my mother has a really poor sense of smell.

I would say to your DH today…-I was so stressed about having your mum round today, I poured myself a gin in the kitchen. I think she saw and now I’m spiralling about what she thinks of me. This is ridiculous to be so scared of her-I feel like we are pretending to be something we’re not to make her happy. How do you feel?

You’re going to make yourself very ill if you’re not careful.

MIL can’t abide alcohol so i never even mention I drink- I think she thinks I don’t drink. so im
worried she will think I’m a lair and have some drink issue !!!

First of all, from what you have described, it sounds like it is extremely unlikely that she saw you. However, even if she did see you... Fuck it, who cares? Who cares if she can't abide alcohol? Who cares if she saw you having a fun? You are a grown up and you can do whatever you like. And you know perfectly well that you don't have a drink problem so that's all that matters. Absolute worst case scenario here is that she did see you, she actually thinks you're an alcoholic, and she tells your DH that she thinks it's terrible that you are an alcoholic. And then your DH can say "no she isn't, it was a misunderstanding" and then your MIL might not believe him. And then the world keeps on turning and nothing happens. You won't be arrested. You won't be beaten. Your DH won't divorce you over it. It's a total non issue.

This thread has inspired me to go and have a massive gin and tonic!

Gin has a distinctive smell, she'd likely have smelled it anyway. It's your own home, have a gin if you like. MILs attitude to drinking only affects her own alcohol consumption it's none of her business what you do.

@Whywhywhypinky I think you should go to your GP and ask about beta blockers for your anxiety. This is full blown paranoia and isn’t healthy. You really need a psychologist too.

Do you suffer social anxiety in all situations or just with these people? If it's just these ppl can you reduce contact with them? Anything that makes an adult secretly pour gin or any alcohol in their own home is odd to say the least.
If you were the only one drinking didn't others notice you being "merry"

Everyone you spoke to or sat next to will know you were drinking, they will have been able to smell it surely?

If you can afford it pay for counselling privately and start now.

OP was glad to read your update when you called it 'embarassing'. That's what it was.... not terrible or disastrous, just really embarassing! We've all done embarassing stuff. Best to tell your husband and laugh it off together, take the power out of it.

Sorry, wrong thread! 🤦🏼‍♀️

This really made me laugh 😅

OP I think you need some firm but very gentle reassurance here. Yes, slightly odd behaviour - but we all behave oddly when we're under extreme stress. You didn't piss in her tea or spit over her lunch. When we're very stressed, the rational brain goes offline and creates all of these stories about what we've done.
What stands out for me is the relationship you have with your MIL. From another perspective, she's actually behaving very oddly, too - the surveillance of your/everyone else's drinking - it's very controlling. Everyone here who is packing you off to the psychologist - counselling would definitely help, but with the focus being on your relationship with her, not on your 'weirdness'.
We're all capable of acting pretty weirdly when we're stressed.

I’m confused by this because everyone there would have been able to smell you’d been drinking gin anyway?

YANBU to have a gin. YWBU to hide it. DH and MIL need to get over themselves.

Was also going to write this, unless your inlaws are puritanical hell fire and brimstone? That's not the Scotland l live i people drinking less! 😆----

No offence OP but you’re batshit crazy and I love it 🥰 Honestly, it’s your own home, have a gin if you fancy it 🤷‍♀️

Your mother in law doesn't drink but you do. So just pour yourself a drink.

If she questioned it you say "I fancied a gin, you don't like alcohol so I was not making a big deal of it"

Get some help for your anxiety so it doesn't rub off on the baby.

Who gives a flying fuck what your MIL thinks of you! You do what you want, you’re a grown woman, she can do one.

I don’t understand what issues it would cause? Even if she thinks you are an alcoholic, so what?

When we used to visit in-laws I would take wine. They lived around 6hrs drive away so we would set off in morning around 5am and arrive around 11am. They would ask if we wanted a cup of tea/coffee on arrival and I’d say it’s okay, I bought wine🤣. I’d get it out of the cool bag and offer it around knowing they would say no and DH was driving back so didn’t join me. I would drink a bottle and a half and we would get in the car at 3pm and head home. They obviously thought I was a raving alcoholic but it was seriously the only way I could get through the visit. I never did this anywhere else including at home. Couldn’t have cared less what they thought or said really.

If anyone asks (they won't) just laugh it off! 'Yes, it's mad isn't it. 6pm and I didn't feel comfortable adding a bit of gin to my drink in my own home. I think I'm overcooking your mum's thing about booze. I need to drink more so I remember it is one of life's pleasures.'

You're an adult. It is your house.
No one gets to tell you what to do, or what you can or can't drink.
I understand what you mean as you were trying to be discreet, therefore poured it into the glass while the glass was in the cupboard ... that probably did look dodgy!
But you didn't really need to do that.. surely? Or were you worried of the consequences if they saw you?

If they're anti drinking - then they don't need to drink!
However, if you fancy a gin, have one.
I don't know where you live, so drinking could be illegal for all I know!
But if not - it's your choice. You're not harming anyone by making this choice for yourself.
And if they're saying what you should and shouldn't do in your own home, I wouldn't have them round again.