Think MIL caught me adding gin to my drink ! Help !!!

[Whywhywhypinky]

We had guests over. No one was drinking . I ‘secretly’ poured myself a large gin in my lemonade . After , I Realised that my MIL was now sat in a seat where she could have seen through from the lounge into the kitchen . ( if she had of turned her head backwards !!!!)

I feel sick . I rarely drink . I poured the drink to calm my social anxiety! Now I feel sick as a dog that I might look like an alcoholic!!!!!!! My husband would be mortified if he found out .

MIL seemed quiet when I tried to talk to her after but then she has a history of being quiet and abit moody ? I feel so paranoid and angry at myself . Did she see ? I am not sure if she would ever bring it up if she did ? I’m totally freaking out . Why did I do this ???

I’m 35 with DS 10 months . MIL is 78
and very anti drinking ! We had a few
of my husbands nephews over .

I don’t know what an Earth I was playing at . I shouldn’t have done it !! I am feeling sick with worry . I even went and put my phone at the window seat and recorded myself pouring the drink ! High chance she could have seen me if she had turned my way !!!!!

Sorry OP bit this isn’t healthy. Getting drunk is bad for you but there is nothing wrong with having a healthy relationship with alcohol and enjoying the odd drink every now and again. They don’t get to dictate what you do.

Thank you ! I’m trying to say this over and over again to myself!

Sorry you have anxiety.

can I just ask though, are there really people who go around telling other people not to drink? My dad hates alcohol but would never ever tell anyone not to drink? That’s insane.

has your MIL actually told you not to drink? That she is happy you don’t drink? If yes then no wonder you are sneaking drinks. Next time hide it in the toilet cistern.

I might be way off the mark here but you've said the following:

• I was known in my youth as "liking a drink"

• "I never drink" shortly followed by "sometimes i like the odd drink"

You are sneaking alcohol into your drink at a family event where no one else is drinking

You are disproportionately distressed at the thought of someone witnessing you drink

Perhaps just make sure you don't have a problem and are in denial

She’s clearly said she’s got anxiety! Those of you calling her “dramatic” and a “loon” etc should be ashamed of yourselves.

@Whywhywhypinky I agree 100% with WifeMother.

You were considerate of your MILs feelings however wether or not she noticed, you’ve not actually done anything wrong.

It sounds as if your MiL didn’t see anything - because you’d know about it if she had. So on this occasion, stop worrying!

yes - see your GP because your anxiety is crippling you.

And going very much against the grain here - if you want a drink, but don’t want to confront your in-laws, just have one in secret without shame - maybe before they arrive, or when you pop the kettle on for tea. It doesn’t make you an alcoholic, it makes you someone who doesn’t want to rock the boat. Maybe when you feel less anxious you will be able to assert yourself more.

Youre placing yourself in the position of a naughty child and her as a critical parent. Shes not the boss of you.
Youre an adult in your own home.
Im sure a lot of people have a large gin or two when hosting the in-laws.

If she does or doesnt like you, thats on her, not you.

You do not need to worry or apologise for doing what you like in your own bloody house! If MIL doesn't like it tough shit.

First of all calm the F down and use fewer !!!!!!!!!!
You can drink what you want in your own house unless there is a really good reason why not, and you sound unhealthily afraid of your MIL.
I imagine this is a symptom of something else entirely so perhaps you could work on that?

My late MIL was a devout Methodist and despised alcohol. She wouldn’t have any in the house. In our house, however, we would happily open a bottle of wine with dinner or have a whisky and ginger in the evening. She’d say things like “ugh the smell is disgusting, I don’t know why you drink that stuff” amongst other negative comments. After resisting the urge to throw my drink in her face the first time, I then ignored her - apart from pointing out the good Lord himself turned water into wine according to the New Testament 😂😂😂

OP, i hope you get help, definitely worth getting some CBT, i've had anxiety for years and had a really intense round of CBT recently and its REALLY helped, like night and day with it.

Maybe try to break this down a bit so its not such a huge thing in your head.

You had a drink in your own home. You hid it because you didn't want people to know you weren't coping with the situation, and think you might have been caught/seen.

Ok, so.. what is the WORST that could happen? Your brain has already told you its that MIL saw and would disapprove and think you have a drink problem, right?
Do you have a drink problem? No, you don't. So her thoughts about it are irrelevant to you.

You sound like an alcoholic in desperate denial tbh, paranoid anyone will find out and the extent of the issues but also 'wanting' too be caught so you they can hold you accountable is a common issue - dont play games just ask for help.

The truth is if she saw or not doesnt matter, you're drinking a 'large' gin in the middle of the day around children people are GOING to know... thats like slipping out for a cheeky fag or joint, popping a gum and thinking no one can smell it anymore.

A 'large' gin has obvious effect (and would moreso if you truely arent an alcoholic and the claim not to drink is real).

Wisewords from @Branleuse

@Whywhywhypinky it’s awful that your anxiety is so bad and I want you to know that it can and will ease.

I used to cringe at myself and others would say I don’t know why you let it worry you. Seek the help. Don’t go along with your husband’s idea that your behaviour can be explained, it really doesn’t need to be. Stop trying to earn your MIL’s approval, she either needs to like you for yourself, or she won’t and, if she doesn’t it’s more her judgemental attitude than anything you’re doing.

While you wait for an appointment, in the short term get some mindfulness or meditation podcasts and try to work on breathing techniques. It might be psychosomatic but get some Rescue Remedy pastilles. I reckon even thinking they might work as you suck them slowly, helps take the focus off whatever might unsettle you socially.

Reading this made me feel sick !!! I used to like a drink . I drink do much less now . Stopped drinking for a few years .

Maybe deep down I’m scared I’m slipping into old habits? I wanted to use alcohol for anxiety Which isn’t good.
i was attempting to hide my drinking not good .

I think my MiL would judge my behaviour as worrying hence my paranoia. I don’t feel comfortable to sit down and talk with her !

what do you suggest I do from here ??
In regards to the situation- drinking and MIl?

Really @mam0918 (possibly MIL has found the thread )

Apart from the fact that you obviously haven't read all the OP wrote, use the See All blue linky thing in any of her posts and you will see that quite a few of your 'facts' are incorrect.

That and I'd hazard a guess that your knowledge of alcoholics is paper based!

what do you suggest I do from here ??

Off Mumsnet, where posters like that exist, and off to your GP, as your DH suggested.

DH is supporting you, is sad for your predicament. He knows what it is and wants you to get help with it. So get off the internet and get on the phone.

NOW!

I think the OP has made the circumstances regarding past and present drinking habits clear - they both stopped drinking for a while and now enjoy the odd drink. She was sneaking the alcohol because her MIL disapproves and she’s distressed because of that and because she has anxiety. None of that suggests problem drinking, so why try to add that to her problems ?

Are you her mother in law ?

You need to forget about it.

Yoi are an adult - MIL obviously makes you feel like a child in her presence - address’s that first.

If it was actually just gin, then you are being ridiculous. If it was really a line of coke sniffed off the chopping board then yeah, I get it.

You're an adult, in your own home. You decided to pour yourself a gin (regardless of the reason) and tried to do this subtly, as you're aware and respectful that others around you don't like alcohol and you didn't want to cause upset unnecessarily.
You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You should not be ashamed, embarrassed or paranoid about what you did ir that your MIL might have caught you doing it.
If anyone (no matter who they are- husband/MIL) says anything about this or passes judgement. You are within your rights to politely tell them to mind their own business and f**k off if they don't like it!

Seriously don't waste your time worrying about what others think, because it won't gain you any respect or get you any further in life. Live how you want to and do what you want to without apology!!!!

You pored yourself a gin in your own house….not as though you lit a joint and smoked it in front of her? I have social anxiety too, I rarely drink but when I do it’s usually to help with my anxiety or to help me sleep. I don’t think you did anything wrong, your family sounds a bit crazy if they judge you for having one drink in your own house.

She obviously didn’t see you if the back of her head was facing you when you looked over. If she’d been sat there craning her neck 180 degrees to watch you then other people would have noticed and she would have looked very odd.

I’m teetotal and have my own private opinions about alcohol but I’d never judge a grown adult for having a gin in their own home! What’s not healthy though is leaning on alcohol to help with anxiety (which, in my experience, it doesn’t anyway - alcohol makes the anxiety and paranoia worse) and then getting THIS worked up about it. I agree with others that you need to try to work on your anxiety rather than stressing about this one particular instance.

(I also agree that at least a couple of people in a room full of non-drinkers would be able to smell a ‘large gin’ a mile off so in future, it would definitely be best to drink your gin out in the open rather than try to sneak it)

It's not illegal to have a gin in your own home. There's literally nothing at all to worry about. It's a complete non issue.

If I saw somebody secretly pouring themselves an alcoholic drink I woukd assume they probably had a drinking problem.