Think MIL caught me adding gin to my drink ! Help !!!

[Whywhywhypinky]

We had guests over. No one was drinking . I ‘secretly’ poured myself a large gin in my lemonade . After , I Realised that my MIL was now sat in a seat where she could have seen through from the lounge into the kitchen . ( if she had of turned her head backwards !!!!)

I feel sick . I rarely drink . I poured the drink to calm my social anxiety! Now I feel sick as a dog that I might look like an alcoholic!!!!!!! My husband would be mortified if he found out .

MIL seemed quiet when I tried to talk to her after but then she has a history of being quiet and abit moody ? I feel so paranoid and angry at myself . Did she see ? I am not sure if she would ever bring it up if she did ? I’m totally freaking out . Why did I do this ???

I’m 35 with DS 10 months . MIL is 78
and very anti drinking ! We had a few
of my husbands nephews over .

I don’t know what an Earth I was playing at . I shouldn’t have done it !! I am feeling sick with worry . I even went and put my phone at the window seat and recorded myself pouring the drink ! High chance she could have seen me if she had turned my way !!!!!

I should think she'd be able to smell it too, I find it a strong smell, she might me moody that no one else was offered one. X

I totally get it. I did that once in the morning (we had a big night and I needed hair of the dog to stop the shakes). I realised then a friends son would have seen me from his room.
I was so mortified I practically stopped drinking after.
I guess my situation was worse as it was 10am.

Swig it from the bottle like Keith Richards next time she’s over.

I do get it OP.

My dad is the fun police. Hates anyone drinking. But you need a fucking drink to get through an evening with him sucking they joy from life.

Dh and I decant cans of Stella into large tea mugs. Now, that really makes you feel like a closet alcoholic.

OP , it’s highly unlikely that she saw you. She was facing the other way. Presumably focussed on her grandkids etc.

People don’t usually randomly turn their heads all the way round just to look, unless she addressed a comment to you or you spoke to her. Which didn’t happen.

This is ALL about your anxiety.

For which you have an appointment booked - well done.

It will all be OK.

Talk to your DH about it.

OP - you’re a 35 year old woman
If you want a gin, you have one

Mumsnet really needs a new Anxiety topic.

Not sure if you were serious or joking but I actually agree. So many threads are just WTF. An Anxiety topic to put them under would be helpful.

Oh @Whywhywhypinky i feel you. I suffer with anxiety and I've found gin takes the edge off if I'm feeling jittery and have on occasion knocked on back at very odd hours. I doubt she saw and I don't want to add to your paranoia but gin is quite fragrant. I'd suggest openly having a drink in front of PIL next time,ask your DH to do same and diffuse the issue. You're not alchollics
, occasional or even regular light drinking is nothing to be ashamed of and then you can enjoy a drink I front of the without fear.

There is a difference between secretive and being discrete. Have a good think about it and work out which side you were in.

If you were being discrete because you know you MIL's stance on alcohol, then you're fine, but you might want to mention it to your husband. I totally get this, the majority of my family are tea total due to religious beliefs. I am mindful where and when I have alcohol when with them.

If you feel that you were being secretive because you wouldn't even want your husband to know, then you have a problem. Either a drink problem (possibly related to anxiety) or a relationship problem, either of which need examining.

You're an adult, don't worry! It's perfectly normal to have a gin, if she asks just own it. I think it would be weird if she did ask.

Op, I think you need to repeat to yourself ....

'I am a grown woman. I can do as I wish. MIL's views are completely irrelevant.'

ten times every morning and every night. Then forget about it.

I’m laughing, so sorry, OP.

Are you worried about the consequences?
Will MiL ground you for two weeks?
Take away your allowance?
Send you to your room?

What is it exactly that you’re so afraid of?
Just carry on like everything is normal and stop freaking out!!!
If you don’t stop freaking out you’ll give yourself away.

Dear lord, you are a grown ass woman with a child. If you want a bloody drink in your own home, have one!

Unless she was sat very close to the window and was intently focussed, or it was dark outside and the light was on inside, it's unlikely she'd actually have even been able to see what you were doing.

But yeah it's weird that you're more upset about your H or MIL knowing you had a drink than the fact you're uncomfortable having a drink in your own home

Op you’re in your own house so you don’t need to sneak alcohol; if you want a drink then have a drink

It does sound like you need some professional support for your anxiety

I think you might need to see a professional regarding your anxiety. A real overreaction.

It's your house, you wanted a drink, you're a grown up. You should be angrier that you feel this was due to her lack of tolerance of something that is normal and by no means a crime. Get a few cans of G&T in next time and crack one open in front of her.

@Whywhywhypinky

Thank you, you just reminded me that I put a can of Pepsi max in the freezer yesterday evening to rapid cool & forgot about it. I hope I can rescue it before it explodes!!

I hope you can get an appointment for your anxiety soon!

You sound a bit scared of your MIL. That's not good. She's actually quite elderly and powerless. If you reframe your thinking on who she is, it might help with your anxiety. You also need to learn to just not give a sh*t. A bit of gin really does not make you a bad person

OP, don't stress. Some responses have been worded harshly but the fact remains you are a grown woman in your own house, and poured one drink to help with what sounds like crippling anxiety.

I would tell your husband (so if MIL starts being funny or dripping poison in his ear about your "drink problem") then put it completely out of your mind.

It would be wise to see your GP and get beta blockers for these sorts of occasions. Gin (and vodka!) smell, and your anxiety was actually made worse by having the gin and worrying you'd been caught.

I hope you can see things a little more clearly this morning

I don't really understand why you're waiting to get to the top of the GP's list. Get yourself a private counsellor who not only deals with anxiety but also how it affects relationships. You clearly have a internalised view of not being good enough in your relationships which also needs to be explored.

You're only likely to have six sessions with the IAPT service through the GP anyway, and you probably need more than that as your anxiety sounds pretty deep rooted. You may also need some medication to help support you. I'd go back to the GP to discuss this and find yourself a private counsellor, through the BACP, Counselling Directory or Psychology Today. Choose someone who is relational but also deals with anxiety.

Good luck.

OP this is a non issue. You are a grown adult and had a single drink in your own home. You behaved bizarrely because MiL is overbearing and likes to impose her values on other people.

To be blunt it doesn’t matter what she thinks. At all. You don’t have a drinking problem you have anxiety - you need to calm down and get professional help.

Also, whose idea was it to move to Scotland, DH? Pressured by MiL?

I don’t know if it’s the case but uprooting you from friends/family and then having a baby without their support may have brought you to your current position. Particularly if his family are as you describe.

Blimey! Next time, say, "I'm having a g&t, anyone else?"
Assuming it was after midday, I'd be amazed not to be offered a decent drink at an awkward family event. It oils the social wheels.