Husband "too tired" after business trip

[inaplace]

My husband has been away for almost two weeks, so of course I missed him. He was in France, and we live near the airport so not a huge journey or any jet lag.

I've been alone with two toddlers the whole time, plus I work full time, so it has been hard at times but bearable. He runs his own company, so going on this trip wasn't pushed on him by any means.

He got home at about 8 this morning. Straight away starts saying he's tired. My parents live nearby and offered to take the children for a few hours after lunch.

I assumed (my mistake), he would be up for sex, or at least to cuddle and chat for a while.

Straight away, he goes "great, I can have a nap".

I took the dog out and did laundry. That took an hour. I let him sleep another hour. Knowing the children would be home in another hour or so, I woke him up. Ohhh but he's sooo tired, so I left it.

I wouldn't mind if it was a one off but he's always tired. We haven't had sex in months. He pulls his weight around the house but he just has no get up and go. Every time we do something, I'm chivvying him along to get ready.

I think I just feel resentful, disappointed and starting to feel ugly and unattractive. I really missed him when he was away but it feels like he just wants to work and sleep.

@inaplace I wouldn't mind if it was a one off but he's always tired. We haven't had sex in months. He pulls his weight around the house but he just has no get up and go. Every time we do something, I'm chivvying him along to get ready.

This is not about "husband too tired to shag after long trip" (which is a normal thing after a trip), this is about the OP is not getting her sexual and emotional needs met in her marriage (which is a serious issue and unfortunately a common thing with couples). It can be a case of mismatched libidos, him watching porn or getting it elsewhere. Who knows. She has all the right to be angry.

@inaplace I wouldn't mind if it was a one off but he's always tired. We haven't had sex in months. He pulls his weight around the house but he just has no get up and go. Every time we do something, I'm chivvying him along to get ready.

This is not about "husband too tired to shag after long trip" (which is a normal thing after a trip), this is about the OP is not getting her sexual and emotional needs met in her marriage (which is a serious issue and unfortunately a common thing with couples). It can be a case of mismatched libidos, him watching porn or getting it elsewhere. Who knows. She has all the right to be angry.

Dunno if you're still watching op, but your only solution is to talk to him about it. You need to discuss it and look for a solution, maybe a designated date night once a month at least?

DH used to travel a lot so I understand your DH’s tiredness from travelling. I recently said something to him about being lucky to have had a quiet hotel room to himself and a good night’s sleep but he then reminded me of the late nights and/or early mornings awake prepping, multiple back to back meetings and getting to the airport for early flights. And DH generally does not sleep well.

I need my sleep and I’m initially miserable when I’m abruptly woken up too early by DH or DC, especially on the weekends and on my days off from work.

I like sex but DH has learnt not to initiate sex first thing in the morning until I start to wake up naturally. DH is up for sex whenever regardless of tiredness. This has been an ongoing topic of conversation for 25+ years!

A few years ago, we decided to ring fence monthly date nights as we’re always too busy and/or too tired to spend quality time together without the DC around. It was meant to be monthly but that plan quickly fell by the wayside due to COVID-19 lockdowns and our last date night was months ago. We’ve recently decided that I will go and meet DH for lunch on my weekly day off once DC are back to school in Jan.

I understand how not having sex for months is an issue. Get your DH to see a GP about this specific issue. Have you and your DH spoken about it? Is it an issue for your DH?

Also a few years ago, DH went to the GP about something else/ a general well-being check and there was an imbalance and particular levels being too low. DH said his libido levels increased after finishing his prescribed course of medication.

Young DC in the mix can also makes things even tougher. I hope you get through this. Communication is the key.