Page 8 | Husband "too tired" after business trip

inaplace · 2022-06-06T08:33:23+00:00

My husband has been away for almost two weeks, so of course I missed him. He was in France, and we live near the airport so not a huge journey or any jet lag. I've been alone with two toddlers the whole time, plus I work full time, so it has been hard at times but bearable. He runs his own company, so going on this trip wasn't pushed on him by any means. He got home at about 8 this morning. Straight away starts saying he's tired. My parents live nearby and offered to take the children for a few hours after lunch. I assumed (my mistake), he would be up for sex, or at least to cuddle and chat for a while. Straight away, he goes "great, I can have a nap". I took the dog out and did laundry. That took an hour. I let him sleep another hour. Knowing the children would be home in another hour or so, I woke him up. Ohhh but he's sooo tired, so I left it. I wouldn't mind if it was a one off but he's always tired. We haven't had sex in months. He pulls his weight around the house but he just has no get up and go. Every time we do something, I'm chivvying him along to get ready. I think I just feel resentful, disappointed and starting to feel ugly and unattractive. I really missed him when he was away but it feels like he just wants to work and sleep.

SmartCarDriver · 07/06/2022 17:59

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Enny70 · 07/06/2022 18:00

@DontBlameMe79

Lol, so basically men should have sex when we want it because we should “get what we want” but “it doesn’t have to be the same in reverse and we should stand our ground”.

So men should cater to us but we shouldn’t cater to them?

If you really think that women have been gaslighted out of getting the sex they used to get upon demand you have no idea. If anything it’s men who have lost out on being able to demand sex,.

Enny70 · 07/06/2022 18:06

@SmartCarDriver

The possibility of being next to people who have covid and having to stay home quarantined if you get it. And maybe get quite sick. That’s different.

jaffacakesareepic · 07/06/2022 18:23

DontBlameMe79 · 07/06/2022 17:44

Oh for goodness sake. This is Pious righteous indignation. Sexual assault indeed. I’d poke him in the ribs and ask him if he wanted to shag me. If he moaned he was tired I’d ask if he wanted me to blow him first then do all the work. Do you expect him to call the police? You lot really are miserable human beings.

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Not pious indignation or a miserable human being, just a normal person who treats her dh with respect, and understand no means no works both ways

FirewomanSam · 07/06/2022 18:28

This thread has jumped the shark now. I’ve typed and deleted a dozen replies but to be honest I’m not convinced a certain poster has even had sex before, much less being married with a husband. Their posts read like a teenager pretending to know what what sex in a marriage is like.

I’m so glad my husband and I have sex when we both feel like it and that neither of us has ever felt the need to do it to be ‘polite’, or to punish the other for not wanting to do it.

wellhelloitsme · 07/06/2022 18:52

@DontBlameMe79

Not pious righteous indignation, I just think it's really fucking weird to want to have sex with someone (man or woman) who isn't in the mood / is too tired / literally any reason they don't want to.

I can't imagine enjoying shagging someone I know is only doing it to be, as you put it, 'polite'.

You must not have very satisfying sex if that's the standard you're happy with - polite, begrudging, unwanted sex.

Wanting to have sex with someone who doesn't really want to is gross. And should be something you reflect on.

SmartCarDriver · 07/06/2022 20:11

Enny70 · 07/06/2022 18:06

@SmartCarDriver

The possibility of being next to people who have covid and having to stay home quarantined if you get it. And maybe get quite sick. That’s different.

Quarantine is no longer needed?

Nonsense!

SmartCarDriver · 07/06/2022 20:19

Enny70 · 07/06/2022 18:06

@SmartCarDriver

The possibility of being next to people who have covid and having to stay home quarantined if you get it. And maybe get quite sick. That’s different.

So why is that a drag? Why should it be more "so exhausting", how would you know you'd got it??

Tandora · 07/06/2022 21:09

DontBlameMe79 · 07/06/2022 16:39

And the outrageous part of my post is what exactly?

Seriously???

you said “I’d expect sex to at least be offered almost straight away… it would be the polite thing for him to do.”

this has nothing to do with gender, nobody OWEs anyone sex at any moment in time EVER if they are not in the mood. How has offering sex got anything to do with politeness? And how is persuading someone to have sex with you, who doesn’t really want to , by offering to do most of “the work” in anyway satisfying/ sexy/ intimate/ good for a relationship???

TruthHertz · 07/06/2022 23:02

Get his GP to check his testosterone and don't take the doctor's word that it's fine. Get a print out and Google it. I know a few guys who were fobbed off for years. One had the testosterone level of the average 100yo bloke but they said it was 'just in range' as the range doesn't account for age.

allboysherebutme · 07/06/2022 23:06

Maybe he's depressed. X

thedancingbear · 08/06/2022 07:49

TruthHertz · 07/06/2022 23:02

Get his GP to check his testosterone and don't take the doctor's word that it's fine. Get a print out and Google it. I know a few guys who were fobbed off for years. One had the testosterone level of the average 100yo bloke but they said it was 'just in range' as the range doesn't account for age.

Great idea. I ship my wife off to a private hospital to get her hormone levels and her fanny checked out generally, each time she's not up for it after a business trip and a 5am flight.

SmartCarDriver · 08/06/2022 08:22

@thedancingbear have you read the OPs posts? It's been going on for several months, not a one off at all.

thedancingbear · 08/06/2022 08:26

I have read the thread, thanks. And do you pack a woman off to the GP for a full work-over because she's been working hard, on overseas trips etc. and has not felt particularly chatty or sexy for a period of 'several months'?

of course you don't. Men are not allowed to be knackered, and they are certainly not allowed not to feel like sex, are they? This thread has proven that.

SmartCarDriver · 08/06/2022 08:36

thedancingbear · 08/06/2022 08:26

I have read the thread, thanks. And do you pack a woman off to the GP for a full work-over because she's been working hard, on overseas trips etc. and has not felt particularly chatty or sexy for a period of 'several months'?

of course you don't. Men are not allowed to be knackered, and they are certainly not allowed not to feel like sex, are they? This thread has proven that.

Your precious post only noted the one occasion and wether it was relevant t if female to have their Danny checked for a one off incident.

Yes, I think if it's a several months issue, it is worth getting hormone levels checked, sex is a healthy part of a relationship and if after several months nothing is happening, it's worth discussing and ruling out physical reasons IMO.

Otherwise, like the OP unhappiness gets onto the relationship, which is not good really?

Several months, with no end in sight is not reasonable.

Not sure what would be checked in a woman's fanny, I think it's more hormones etc?

HELLITHURT · 08/06/2022 09:04

SmartCarDriver · 08/06/2022 08:36

Your precious post only noted the one occasion and wether it was relevant t if female to have their Danny checked for a one off incident.

Yes, I think if it's a several months issue, it is worth getting hormone levels checked, sex is a healthy part of a relationship and if after several months nothing is happening, it's worth discussing and ruling out physical reasons IMO.

Otherwise, like the OP unhappiness gets onto the relationship, which is not good really?

Several months, with no end in sight is not reasonable.

Not sure what would be checked in a woman's fanny, I think it's more hormones etc?

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I agree with Smart Car Driver, it's been several months, time to investigate where the problem lies.

SystemOverloadedNameChange · 08/06/2022 09:26

FirewomanSam · 06/06/2022 21:04

Bloody hell, so let me get this straight: apparently OP’s husband is depressed, suffers from anxiety and hypothyroidism, is having an affair, and went on an unnecessarily long business trip just for the jollies. All because he wanted a nap when he got home from an early morning flight. Gotcha.

This.
What is this fucking thread?! Full of double standards, absolute claptrap speculation and encouragement of controlling/coercive behaviour.
Maybe he's like me and just absolutely bloody knackered. I haven't had sex for a few months because I haven't felt like it. I run a business and have two teenagers, animals and a lot of stress. I still fancy DH, there's nothing medically wrong with me, I'm tired! Would I want a shag after getting off an early morning flight following a two week business trip? Nope. Would I want more than a two hour nap? Yep.
Op, if I was you I'd not read this anymore. You'll probably discover that your DH has been hiring sex workers for orgies in France while snorting coke and going to all night raves. If someone on here tells you, it must be true. He can't possibly ever just not be in the mood or tired.

thedancingbear · 08/06/2022 09:43

SystemOverloadedNameChange · 08/06/2022 09:26

This.
What is this fucking thread?! Full of double standards, absolute claptrap speculation and encouragement of controlling/coercive behaviour.
Maybe he's like me and just absolutely bloody knackered. I haven't had sex for a few months because I haven't felt like it. I run a business and have two teenagers, animals and a lot of stress. I still fancy DH, there's nothing medically wrong with me, I'm tired! Would I want a shag after getting off an early morning flight following a two week business trip? Nope. Would I want more than a two hour nap? Yep.
Op, if I was you I'd not read this anymore. You'll probably discover that your DH has been hiring sex workers for orgies in France while snorting coke and going to all night raves. If someone on here tells you, it must be true. He can't possibly ever just not be in the mood or tired.

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Don't you think you should go to the GP to get your hormones checked? It's not normal, you know, and your husband has a reasonable expectation or regular intercourse.

If you were my missus, I'd be carting you off right now.

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/06/2022 10:09

DontBlameMe79 · 07/06/2022 13:07

Apologies I have not read the entire thread, but on the original post situation I think you’re right to be a bit miffed OP.

After an extended period away I’d expect sex to at least be offered almost straight away. It’s important to keep the relationship as fresh as possible and Understand he might be a bit knackered but it would be the polite thing for him to do. You could suggest doing most of the work (regarding sex) yourself if that helped him get across the line that one time.

Time for a chat with him about expectations regarding sex I suggest.

@DontBlameMe79

one of the funniest and weirdest posts I think I’ve ever read on here

”offering sex” is the “polite” thing to do?!

WTF! 🤣

please come back and post some more

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/06/2022 10:17

DontBlameMe79 · 07/06/2022 17:51

Yes I do maintain we are different and it’s up to us to get what we want, not cater to men if we don’t want to. It doesn’t mean it has to be the same in reverse. It’s about self confidence and standing our ground.

This everything must be the same between men and women seems to have been the most successful gaslighting project in history.

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How do you think men and women are different @DontBlameMe79 ?

SystemOverloadedNameChange · 08/06/2022 10:18

thedancingbear · 08/06/2022 09:43

Don't you think you should go to the GP to get your hormones checked? It's not normal, you know, and your husband has a reasonable expectation or regular intercourse.

If you were my missus, I'd be carting you off right now.

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I hope you are joking. Nobody is "carting" me off anywhere, I'm a women not a horse going to the vet.
Luckily DH is a normal human being and totally understands why I've not been in the mood for a few months. We've been married for 20 years, we've lived through much worse than a few months without a shag. If you can't put up with a few months off the boil then is your relationship really that strong? I've got a friend who CAN'T have intercourse due to illness. Her husband hasn't binned off 30 years of marriage because he can't put his willy in her weekly.
My hormones are absolutely fine thanks. I'm not divulging my medical history to make my point, but no issues here.
Swear to god this thread is a wind up 😂

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/06/2022 10:21

SystemOverloadedNameChange · 08/06/2022 09:26

This.
What is this fucking thread?! Full of double standards, absolute claptrap speculation and encouragement of controlling/coercive behaviour.
Maybe he's like me and just absolutely bloody knackered. I haven't had sex for a few months because I haven't felt like it. I run a business and have two teenagers, animals and a lot of stress. I still fancy DH, there's nothing medically wrong with me, I'm tired! Would I want a shag after getting off an early morning flight following a two week business trip? Nope. Would I want more than a two hour nap? Yep.
Op, if I was you I'd not read this anymore. You'll probably discover that your DH has been hiring sex workers for orgies in France while snorting coke and going to all night raves. If someone on here tells you, it must be true. He can't possibly ever just not be in the mood or tired.

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@SystemOverloadedNameChange

not having sex for a few months isn’t normal for most healthy able couples.

If I was your partner I’d be worrying something was wrong. If it was myself too tired for sex I’d worry something was wrong.

I would not necessarily jump to medical but I’d look at wanting to change my lifestyle first and take some pressure off myself to be less tired. Are you running after your teens too much? Could they do more for themselves? The animals is their any way that caring for them could be less onerous?

letmeeatcrisps · 08/06/2022 10:28

haven’t read the full thread but if a mans libido suddenly drops off a cliff in my experience it’s down to the constantly available porn everywhere, on his phone etc
its extremely addictive and far far easier for him to whack one out alone than wait for sexy time with the wife …

thedancingbear · 08/06/2022 11:03

SystemOverloadedNameChange · 08/06/2022 10:18

I hope you are joking. Nobody is "carting" me off anywhere, I'm a women not a horse going to the vet.
Luckily DH is a normal human being and totally understands why I've not been in the mood for a few months. We've been married for 20 years, we've lived through much worse than a few months without a shag. If you can't put up with a few months off the boil then is your relationship really that strong? I've got a friend who CAN'T have intercourse due to illness. Her husband hasn't binned off 30 years of marriage because he can't put his willy in her weekly.
My hormones are absolutely fine thanks. I'm not divulging my medical history to make my point, but no issues here.
Swear to god this thread is a wind up 😂

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Sorry you've misunderstood me @SystemOverloadedNameChange . I was very much taking the piss, and just echoing what various posters are suggesting the OP do with her husband.

You and I feel entirely the same way. The idea that the OP's husband must be medically unwell, because he's not been feeling randy or particularly chatty the last few months, is nuts.

Sandra1984 · 08/06/2022 11:11

@inaplace I wouldn't mind if it was a one off but he's always tired. We haven't had sex in months. He pulls his weight around the house but he just has no get up and go. Every time we do something, I'm chivvying him along to get ready.

This is not about "husband too tired to shag after long trip" (which is a normal thing after a trip), this is about the OP is not getting her sexual and emotional needs met in her marriage (which is a serious issue and unfortunately a common thing with couples). It can be a case of mismatched libidos, him watching porn or getting it elsewhere. Who knows. She has all the right to be angry.