Husband "too tired" after business trip

[inaplace]

My husband has been away for almost two weeks, so of course I missed him. He was in France, and we live near the airport so not a huge journey or any jet lag.

I've been alone with two toddlers the whole time, plus I work full time, so it has been hard at times but bearable. He runs his own company, so going on this trip wasn't pushed on him by any means.

He got home at about 8 this morning. Straight away starts saying he's tired. My parents live nearby and offered to take the children for a few hours after lunch.

I assumed (my mistake), he would be up for sex, or at least to cuddle and chat for a while.

Straight away, he goes "great, I can have a nap".

I took the dog out and did laundry. That took an hour. I let him sleep another hour. Knowing the children would be home in another hour or so, I woke him up. Ohhh but he's sooo tired, so I left it.

I wouldn't mind if it was a one off but he's always tired. We haven't had sex in months. He pulls his weight around the house but he just has no get up and go. Every time we do something, I'm chivvying him along to get ready.

I think I just feel resentful, disappointed and starting to feel ugly and unattractive. I really missed him when he was away but it feels like he just wants to work and sleep.

Get yer dildo out

I assumed (my mistake), he would be up for sex, or at least to cuddle and chat for a
you did mention sex so I presume that’s where people are getting it from

Have you tried glamming up for an evening and seeing if that gets him in the mood?

I’d be annoyed too. Annoyed that with 2 toddlers I still had to work full time and manage everything at home on my own.
I would be pulling him up on his business’s ability to support the family.

@inaplace I say YANBU, and don’t understand the hard time you’re getting!

Adult time, intimacy and that connection are so important in a relationship. I’d feel the same as you, and be tempted to wonder whether it’s worth continuing in a relationship like this, where he just won’t change.

@inaplace I say YANBU, and don’t understand the hard time you’re getting!

Adult time, intimacy and that connection are so important in a relationship. I’d feel the same as you, and be tempted to wonder whether it’s worth continuing in a relationship like this, where he just won’t change.

@inaplace I say YANBU, and don’t understand the hard time you’re getting!

Adult time, intimacy and that connection are so important in a relationship. I’d feel the same as you, and be tempted to wonder whether it’s worth continuing in a relationship like this, where he just won’t change.

@inaplace I say YANBU, and don’t understand the hard time you’re getting!

Adult time, intimacy and that connection are so important in a relationship. I’d feel the same as you, and be tempted to wonder whether it’s worth continuing in a relationship like this, where he just won’t change.

@inaplace I say YANBU, and don’t understand the hard time you’re getting!

Adult time, intimacy and that connection are so important in a relationship. I’d feel the same as you, and be tempted to wonder whether it’s worth continuing in a relationship like this, where he just won’t change.

How do you know “he just won’t change”? Are you a doctor and a psychic mind reader? It’s far from established whether he can or cannot help his tiredness or whether he wants or does not want things to change.

@inaplace you say he is a hypochondriac, that means he is suffering from anxiety, anxiety is draining/exhausting. My ex (OCD anxiety) could sleep 12 hours at night and still nap in the day, I think it's nature's way of turning off the brain. I'm generally a poor sleeper but when I have had a period when there was a good reason to be anxious I've slept much more. Perhaps if he took something for the anxiety he may be less tired💐

IDK - have you ever been on a 2 week business trip? it sounds like fun but it is exhausting. You are always "on" and when you come back and you want to sleep, that is what you need.

His mistake though was not getting up after 2 hours. That will probably have a knock-on effect on his sleep for a week or so (if he's like me)

Who arrives home on a business trip to France on a Monday morning? That would be very unusual. And a long time for a business trip.

And he planned it he would miss the 4 day holiday with you and the children? Even though I imagine that time is very limited if you work full time.

Now he's finally home and he needs a "rest". What about you and what you need? I don't think you're unreasonable for thinking trying to avoid you.

Sorry, it said posts not loaded: I’ve reported the multiples 😳

He's not up for a shag, probably tired and delighted to be back in his own bed.

You don’t seem to like you husband, by the way you talk about him.

I don’t know. I don’t think I’d have felt like sex in that situation either, I’d have wanted to sleep too.

In general terms it sounds like the relationship does need a bit of work and that he does make much time for you to be together. Something worth talking about.

Im a bit of an introvert too and crave time alone once the kids are in bed - I’m single but if I have visitors or I’m visiting family the last thing I want to do is chat for ages late into the evening. Some people need their quiet time at the end of the day.

Also I do feel that when men have been away on business they get to say “oh I’m so tired from that trip, I need such a big rest”, where as women returning home from a business trip get asked “oh did you have a lovely break? What a nice rest away from the children for x days/ weeks, you must be so rested and ready to get right back to it”. So there’s an element of self indulgence from him too I suspect!

On the fence as you can see!

melicauli My thoughts too. He’s clearly not wanting to spend time with you or the family. Unless you know for certain he was at a business event yesterday it’s very odd to have returned Monday morning.
All you can do is speak to him and say it’s not working for you as things are. You want to spend time together and be intimate.
Drugs or alcohol could be another reason for tiredness and withdrawal.

Just because he wants a lie in after a business trip?

'My missus provides for me and our kids and has just got back at 8 in the morning from a business trip. I wanted to bang her immediately but she says she really needed to sleep off the jet lag. Should I send her to the doctors to have her hormones checked?'

I agree with @Dixiechickonhols Be brave enough to say this isn't working for me, what do you think?

A lot of people are so scared of rocking the boat but there's no point keeping an unsatisfactory boat afloat.

He literally has woken up in the middle of the night to travel home-no amount of going to bed early the night before is going to change how rubbish that makes you feel! Give the guy a break he's probably exhausted!

Was about to say the same thing.

OP it sounds like today isn’t really the issue. But I would cut him some slack about this morning. That just have been a very early start. I used to hate those early European flights. I’d never sleep well the night before for worrying about oversleeping and it would take me most of the week to recover.

For me, the bigger problem is not wanting to spend time with you on ordinary evenings.