Husband "too tired" after business trip

[inaplace]

My husband has been away for almost two weeks, so of course I missed him. He was in France, and we live near the airport so not a huge journey or any jet lag.

I've been alone with two toddlers the whole time, plus I work full time, so it has been hard at times but bearable. He runs his own company, so going on this trip wasn't pushed on him by any means.

He got home at about 8 this morning. Straight away starts saying he's tired. My parents live nearby and offered to take the children for a few hours after lunch.

I assumed (my mistake), he would be up for sex, or at least to cuddle and chat for a while.

Straight away, he goes "great, I can have a nap".

I took the dog out and did laundry. That took an hour. I let him sleep another hour. Knowing the children would be home in another hour or so, I woke him up. Ohhh but he's sooo tired, so I left it.

I wouldn't mind if it was a one off but he's always tired. We haven't had sex in months. He pulls his weight around the house but he just has no get up and go. Every time we do something, I'm chivvying him along to get ready.

I think I just feel resentful, disappointed and starting to feel ugly and unattractive. I really missed him when he was away but it feels like he just wants to work and sleep.

I’m confused on business trip that has him flying home at some ungodly hour of Monday morning? Why was he not back Friday night? What sort of business is it that it is 2 weeks solid including over weekend? That is very unusual in france given they definitely work to EU working Directive.
that raises all sorts of alarm bells for me….I used to travel with work a lot - sometime very other week..yes it is tiring as days are usually full on concentration and long. I’d be knackered for those longer 2 or 3 week trips..so I can understand the being tired but. Especially if he was up at something like 3 or 4am ins morning to arrive home at 8am ..why would he do that? If he’s not working today he could have had longer sleep where he was and travel at decent time. Just all seems very odd to me

Don’t know the industry the OPs DH is in, but my DHs company is in an industry where many of their large events for customers are held on weekends and holidays. Think big conventions. There is commonly lead time to set up for them, hold them over the weekend/holiday and then head home Sunday night or Monday morning.

Fgs. Wouldn't it just be simpler, and frankly more entertaining for posters, if we just decided he was probably cheating?

We're not interested in your facts here.

Btw the conference I (am forced to) annually attend finishes with an enormous, and crushingly dull, event on the saturday night.

Not necessarily. My last two business trips involved working at sporting events. In both cases, the tournament final was on the Sunday evening, followed by a flight home on the Monday. I'd imagine the same could be true of various cultural events / festivals as well (I've certainly attended plenty that ended on a Sunday, albeit not for work).

Lol, we could go one step further and say he absolutely has a second wife and family in France and is a bigamist leading a double life and everyone knows leading a double life makes you very tired. Meanwhile his gorgeous French wife and their two ridiculously attractive children are complaining about all his “business trips” to the U.K. leaving her to manage the children all week while he plays Disney dad on weekends and holidays.

If anyone bothered me like that after a lengthy business trip they'd be under the bloody patio.

Leave him alone and let him rest. You can't launch yourself at someone at 8am and pretend to be disappointed. It just sounds like you wanted to squabble. Imagine coming home to that.

Watching people who don't work trying to pretend to know how business trip dates are planned is frankly hilarious.

Quite. One even seems to think that the French have had an extended bank holiday in honour of our Queen.

How is that relevant in this particular case though where OP's issue is that she feels he isnt having enough sex with her, is she owed this because she was doing the child care and working full time while he was away? Or is she owed that because she also works hard, as does he?

Your point about her (or his) contributions are irrelevant because she isnt complaining that he isnt contributing

my business trip involved restaurants, tomfoolery and stumbling into a session at 9...most are not hard corework....I knew psychiatrist friends who attended an annual conference,they were out hammered on day 1 and continued to day 4.....so be interested in OP DH tough two weeks

Mine - and there have been maybe a couple of dozen - are really hard work. You start at 10 and may not finish til 11. They're a constant string of appointments with people you're trying to impress, and whilst you get a drink or two at the end of the day, you can't get drunk because you there to win work.

Please to hear your single trip was a piss-up though.

Bloody hell, so let me get this straight: apparently OP’s husband is depressed, suffers from anxiety and hypothyroidism, is having an affair, and went on an unnecessarily long business trip just for the jollies. All because he wanted a nap when he got home from an early morning flight. Gotcha.

Thanks so much for weighing in with this invaluable contribution! It’s really helpful to hear from someone who has been on one business trip and who has some friends who went to a conference once, that’s the kind of expertise this thread really needed.

"my business trip involved restaurants, tomfoolery and stumbling into a session at 9...most are not hard corework...."

I've had a few trips that are just 9-5 with time to relax in the evening. Even the 'relaxing' is not really relaxing though if you're with work people and the travel itself is tiring.
I also once travelled for work to Asia and got about two hours sleep for the whole flight, got an hour to unpack and shower and then straight back to work. First few days had 14 to 16-hour days before going down to shorter days, but still tiring because of the situation. Then the travel back when your body starts to relax. I don't do that job any more, thank God, but people who think work travel is fun should do a bit more of it!

"One even seems to think that the French have had an extended bank holiday in honour of our Queen."

Today is Whitsun/Pentecost there. Not a four day weekend though, you're right.

And Ascension day May 26th was a Bank Holiday Thursday. When I am led to understand everyone makes the "bridge" and takes Friday off too for a 4 day weekend. You can google the traffic warnings.

So why would you organise a business trip in the middle of that? And miss out with your holiday with your own family? (Unless you weren't that fussed about spending time with them)

Give the poor man a break. When your tired your tired. Maybe ask him to go away on a weekend together then he’d have time for just you.

He has been fucking someone in 'France'

He has no desire to fuck the op

What sort of 'business trip' requires him to be away for almost two weeks? That's suss in and of itself. It sounds more like a getaway holiday with a woman from work.

And too tired, nah, clearly cheating imo.

How do you get to a point of no sex in months without having a chat about it?

Really? Why? She isn't pestering him... she woke him after a nap and then left him to it when he said no.

If my husband didn't try to get sex after 2 weeks apart I would be questioning what he'd been up to.

Even if it was true, which it probably isn't, do you honestly think this kind of comment helps someone? An already upset woman clearly looking for some support and you post this kind of shit!

People really think there is only one type of business trip don’t they?

Even with the bank holidays in France I can think of plenty of industries he could work in that might necessitate business travel at that time. He could work in events/sport/music/hospitality etc as someone else said. Plenty of people will have been working over our own bank holiday weekend with all those events happening!

I’ve taken business trips that required me to be at the airport five hours before the flight left, standing on my feet in the cargo warehouse for hours on end before I finally get on the plane, then back to work as soon as I get off the plane at the other end. Long days and early starts for the rest of the week with loads of manual handling, walking and standing for hours. You better believe I’m fucking exhausted at the end of those. Not every business trip is a conference or a piss-up with clients. It’s shocking how many people don’t seem to be able to imagine anything outside of their own life experience!

In any case, OP didn’t ask for people to decide whether or not her husband’s business trip was legit and she doesn’t seem to have any concerns about that, so people can stop trying to play amateur detectives based on absolutely nothing.

What a thoughtfully worded, kind post. Christ.

OP,

I would get a tonic like Floradix with Iron, and put you both on it.
A bottle each which you both consume in 10 days.
It is great stuff for giving an energy lift if you are feeling a bit meh.

Try it.

You both sound very busy and it can lead to feeling a bit burnt out and wanting to just rest whenever you get the chance.

I would put you both on the tonic, tell him why and see how things go.