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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask your opinion on casual recreational drug use as a mum?

257 replies

Easylittlethrowaway · 05/06/2022 16:25

this concerns two close friends of mine but I will state up front that my own opinion is that we should mind our own business - a friend disagrees strongly as has made me feel shit about it so reaching out here for opinions.

Friend A is a single mum of a child with SEN. She gets zero help from child’s dad, either in contact or maintenance. She is, in my opinion, a bloody good mum. Fights hard for her son to get him what he needs, works full time in a senior position to keep them afloat. Doesn’t so much as touch a drop of alcohol when her son is in her care. Gets minimal help from family but her son does go for a sleepover at grandparents every couple of months.

When her son is at his grandparents, she dabbles a bit in recreational drug use - usually either weed or occasionally mdma. This is in the comfort of her own home, with her partner. Never uses enough to get completely off her face but clearly gets an experience out of it. I’ve known about this for ages and it’s never phased me, and I’ve been in her company once or twice so I know she knows her limits.

friend B recently found out about this through friend C. Friend B now wants to report friend A to social services.

fWIw I’ve never taken drugs but I think Friend B is being ridiculous and that the child is well taken care of at all times and friend A is allowed to let her hair down once every couple of months. AIBU?

OP posts:
Mally100 · 05/06/2022 16:27

I am completely against drug use so this would be a hard no in my books. I would judge her. It may be her life but she is solely responsible for her SN child and this could be a slippery slope.

FieryPitOfMordor · 05/06/2022 16:29

I personally couldn’t be friends with someone who I know uses recreational drugs.

However, I wouldn’t be reporting to SS if you’re sure the drug use doesn’t happen EVER when children are around,

Subeccoo · 05/06/2022 16:29

Absolutely ridiculous. Social services would maybe call her to check in but nothing of an issue is it.
I don't and have never taken drugs but I can't really see how this is a problem.

Grotbag81 · 05/06/2022 16:30

I think what someone does in their spare/child free time is their business.

I highly doubt social services will act upon it.

RaininSummer · 05/06/2022 16:31

I don't knowuch about MDMA but if she isnt in charge of her child and her job doesn't do drug tests then I wouldn't have an issue with a bit of dope smoking.

Vsirbdo · 05/06/2022 16:32

I know people who do this and as far as I’m concerned it’s none of my business and has no impact on their child.
social services are unlikely to be bothered

failing40s · 05/06/2022 16:32

I really can't see SS bring interested in occasional, low level drug use. If she was addicted to crack, that's one thing, but a spliff and some mdma a few times a year is hardly a child protection issue - especially if the child isn't even there.

I say this as someone who does not use drugs.

Northernsoullover · 05/06/2022 16:32

As a teen/twenty something in the 90s I was no stranger to a rave and all that went with it. Upon becoming a parent I left my misspent youth behind me. Why would I risk my safety as a parent? I have mum friends who take coke. It baffles me but I won't be calling social services.

Chaoslatte · 05/06/2022 16:33

I couldn’t be friends with someone who did drugs either. The harm the drugs trade does to communities and young people (ie county lines) is inexcusable. I probably wouldn’t report to SS myself but I wouldn’t stop anyone else from doing so.

Schwarz · 05/06/2022 16:35

It's something that would stop me being friends with someone - I don't think I'd report to SS unless I thought a child was in actual danger.

Apart from being illegal, the worry of a child ever getting near drugs and the issue of supporting the drugs industry, I'd be concerned about someone willingly putting their life at risk by taking something like MDMA.

CharSiu · 05/06/2022 16:36

I don’t think SS wouldn’t be that interested but I wouldn’t be friends with anyone that did drugs. As other posters have mentioned lots of exploitation amongst the drugs trade.

buckeejit · 05/06/2022 16:36

What does she think SS will do? Leave the poor woman alone, you sound sure that there's no risk to the child. I'd keep an eye on the mum & support where possible. Your friend may not like it but a lot of parents take recreational drugs occasionally, many celebs especially- it doesn't make them bad parents.

ElenaSt · 05/06/2022 16:37

I would think she is an Immature idiot because if she has a bad reaction and becomes ill or worse or it develops into an obsessive habit and she becomes an addict then yes it will impact on her capability as a parent.

I also don't believe it is limited to her only doing it when her child is away.

Megapint · 05/06/2022 16:38

I can't see a problem. She's not in charge of small children at the time. I like to do mushrooms when I have child free time.

Doremisofarsogood · 05/06/2022 16:41

If the child isn't there then what's the problem? The friend should keep her nose out. My child free time is spent drinking lots with an occasional dabble with drugs. So what.

DogsAndGin · 05/06/2022 16:42

I am completely against drugs so this disgusts me. I feel very sorry for the child that they have a mother who is on drugs. She should be ashamed of herself

Ihatethenewlook · 05/06/2022 16:44

Alcohol is the only drug that has been proven to make people violent. Statistically it is worse for you in most ways than any other drug in the world, but it’s perfectly legal. For example half of all murders are committed by people who are drunk. Half of all murder victims are drunk. Most victims of attack, abuse and murder have been injured/killed by drunk members of their own family. If you want to risk death then statistically you should go and get drunk with your family! I wouldn’t judge someone taking drugs occasionally away from their children.

WhiskersPete · 05/06/2022 16:45

DogsAndGin · 05/06/2022 16:42

I am completely against drugs so this disgusts me. I feel very sorry for the child that they have a mother who is on drugs. She should be ashamed of herself

Except for the sort of drug that is in gin...according to username.

WhiskersPete · 05/06/2022 16:46

Which might I add is more harmful to society than smoking a bit of weed once every few months.

Whatafustercluck · 05/06/2022 16:47

I've taken drugs in the past, including MDMA, but it all stopped when I had children. I also only drink alcohol at weekends, and even then only a couple of glasses.

I've seen people smoke cannabis who are far more in control than the people I've seen getting drunk around their dc at parties.

I couldn't get worked up about what you've described at all, providing she wasn't doing it when her child is around. I think your other friend should mind her own business if thr child is not in danger and is otherwise well loved and cared for.

I generally have bigger issues with the normalisation of alcohol misuse and "wine o clock" culture where children are concerned. This is far more widespread and far more damaging than a bit of pot.

WaltzingWaters · 05/06/2022 16:47

It’s fine as long as it’s definitely during child free time.

RhiRhi1996 · 05/06/2022 16:49

I am personally fine with recreational drug use. Alcohol is so much more damaging than weed or MDMA. The same people who get drunk yet judge others for drugs like weed etc is laughable.

As long as she doesn't have her kids of course. But how many people drink with their kids ? Even get drunk. It is not uncommon, and it is wrong.

But if parents have a night off or weekend off from kids I see nothing wrong in spending that how you like. Nobody would say anything about Her getting drunk. Not everyone likes alcohol & it's effects . Lots of negative aspects of alcohol (mostly everything?) So I can understand some people don't drink, yet may not want to be sober every moment of the rest of their life.

As long as it isn't affecting her looking after her kids and she doesn't do it when they are in her care, I don't think she is doing any harm.

So many people just have the "drugs are bad" stuck in their head, and know nothing about different drugs and their effects to judge. Now excessive use of anything , and any drug is bad. But the odd bit of recreational use here in there is no worse than people drinking. Weed especially is a very safe and peaceful drug in comparison to booze

ChairP0se9to5 · 05/06/2022 16:51

Yeh, I agree with you, it wouldn't seem worth it to me, I'd be trying to invest in to my free time in a way that served me better in a slightly longer term way (but I'm not judging her). I'm a single parent and my dc has sn and although he's at a mainstream school and I work, it's NOT EASY. But, drugs? not worth it imo. The ''friend'' is incredibly unsupportive and judgemental though. What is she hoping to achieve? Has the ''friend'' said what outcome she'd like here?

anon2334 · 05/06/2022 16:52

I don't care how good a mum you claim she is, that's awful to do that. A glass of wine will two is better. Great example to her child with SEN. Not

Ihatethenewlook · 05/06/2022 16:52

WhiskersPete · 05/06/2022 16:45

Except for the sort of drug that is in gin...according to username.

Show quote history

I was about to point that out 😂 drug users are disgusting but she’s named herself after the worst one out of the lot. According to the British government drug adviser, alcohol use is more harmful than crack or heroin. Interestingly Canada has just legalised cocaine and mdma for personal use in a 3 year trial. It’ll be interesting to see what happens there