To ask your opinion on casual recreational drug use as a mum?

[Easylittlethrowaway]

this concerns two close friends of mine but I will state up front that my own opinion is that we should mind our own business - a friend disagrees strongly as has made me feel shit about it so reaching out here for opinions.

Friend A is a single mum of a child with SEN. She gets zero help from child’s dad, either in contact or maintenance. She is, in my opinion, a bloody good mum. Fights hard for her son to get him what he needs, works full time in a senior position to keep them afloat. Doesn’t so much as touch a drop of alcohol when her son is in her care. Gets minimal help from family but her son does go for a sleepover at grandparents every couple of months.

When her son is at his grandparents, she dabbles a bit in recreational drug use - usually either weed or occasionally mdma. This is in the comfort of her own home, with her partner. Never uses enough to get completely off her face but clearly gets an experience out of it. I’ve known about this for ages and it’s never phased me, and I’ve been in her company once or twice so I know she knows her limits.

friend B recently found out about this through friend C. Friend B now wants to report friend A to social services.

fWIw I’ve never taken drugs but I think Friend B is being ridiculous and that the child is well taken care of at all times and friend A is allowed to let her hair down once every couple of months. AIBU?

All it would take is for the child to find something down the back of the sofa and social services will be involved anyway.

Friend B is correct. There's letting your hair down and there's being a responsible parent. When drugs are involved, the two can't possibly be achieved concurrently.

It's not acceptable and completely disgraceful.

When drugs are involved, the two can't possibly be achieved concurrently.

They absolutely can. You don't have drugs in the house when the kids are there or they are locked away, the same as you should be keeping painkillers locked away and out of reach.

I think you should tell Friend B to wind her neck in.

Sounds like your single mum mate well deserves to be able to put her feet up / let her hair down occasionally

Surely there is more risk to a child finding household medicine down the back of the sofa than some weed anyway.

MDMA diff story. But who hides MDMA down the side of the sofa....

There's letting your hair down and there's being a responsible parent. When drugs are involved, the two can't possibly be achieved concurrently.

yeah they can. that a pretty small minded way of looking at things.

Also, people leave wine open in their fridge, spirits in their cupboards. If a toddler got into those what would happen? Anything that is harmful, alcohol medication, or of course that bit of weed you have left over, should all be kept where children cannot get their hands on them. How is weed more dangerous to have in the house than say codine?

@JaniceBattersby

what would you want social services to do?

Nope, it's irresponsible to have recreational drugs in the house. It's not irresponsible to have prescription medication or painkillers locked away.

How is weed more dangerous to have in the house than say codine?

It isn't, because to get high from weed you need to bake/cook it into food or make a tea or smoke/vape it... All you need to do with codeine is take the pill or liquid as it is found. Codeine is way more dangerous to a child and therefore more dangerous to have in the house.

YANBU at all.

Nope, it's irresponsible to have recreational drugs in the house. It's not irresponsible to have prescription medication or painkillers locked away.

If they are both locked away it's the same. Weed also wouldn't damage a child if it were found because they aren't going to cook or smoke it. Prescription meds are far more dangerous than weed to a child.

Because weed is illegal. It's entirely different to legal medication. If you feel that illegal behaviour is fine when vulnerable children live in your house then you need a good slap.

So by your logic if a toddler found a bud of weed and munched on it, they would be in much more danger, more ill etc than if they munched down half a pack of codine, yeah?

im not sure I’m with you on that one.

I wasn’t taking about legalities, I was talking about actual tangible harm that could occur.

MDMA could kill a child if found, true, but if it were locked in a safe box or money box or similar and isn't able to be reached by a child, I don't see how it's not the same as having any other drugs locked away and out of reach. Either way, who says she has them in the house with the child? For all you know she collects the MDMA on the day her child goes to grandparents, and it's gone by the time they come back... So it's not in the house with the child anyway!

Obviously not, but either way the toddler would be taken to hospital (I hope).

Tell the doctor your kid has eaten weed will get a completely different response to telling them your kid has eaten codeine.

Because weed is illegal.

It still isn't as dangerous for a child to find as prescription medication would be.

What if it became legal here, what would your argument be against it being in the home be then? Because it can't be the harm element.

Kids won't get high from eating a bud of raw weed. You need to smoke it or decarboxylate it. The only way to get even a minim high from eating a raw bud of weed is to eat a significant amount of it, and it's not going to taste nice or be easy to eat. Even then, if you did get any sort of high, it would be minimal as the THC is activated through heat! Hence smoking or baking it...

I'd much rather my child ate a raw weed bud than took my anti-depressants. The anti-depressants could kill her. The raw weed bud would do fuck diddly all.

You've still got an unnecessary risk in your house, legal or not. Why subject your children to that whilst also knackering your own mind and body?

I have no time for drug users.
DS's best friends parents smoked weed and didn't see it as an issue (deputy head and head teacher).

My main concern was that I didn't want their ethos rubbing off on my child. He respected them and I know if the question had come up their views would have been Liberal. Not that one can influence one's children's friends forever. It didn't sit right with me. They purchased the stuff, their roles meant they knew the sorts of criminal activity behind it and how young people get caught up in drug related crime.

You've still got an unnecessary risk in your house, legal or not.

So you would apply this to alcohol too? Legal or not, it's an unnecessary risk to have in the house. And more likely to be found by a child than weed in a locked box.

Does judgey friend drink alcohol? It's exactly the same apart from the legality.

From your description it sounds like this mum is a brilliant mum who needs a bit of an escape from time to time. I would only be supportive of that, and you sound like a good friend.

@Verbena87 I just don’t want to be friends with someone who behaved in a way I felt was reprehensible and didn’t share any of my values. Kind of like boycotting their shitty personality 😆

But the kid would be a lot more sick if they’d eaten codine. I care more about the health of the child than what anyone thinks of me.

Friend B is being ridiculous.

If you cared about the health of your child, there would be no weed in your house at all and the codeine would be locked away.

Reality is, you're too self-centred to realise it.