To ask your opinion on casual recreational drug use as a mum?

[Easylittlethrowaway]

this concerns two close friends of mine but I will state up front that my own opinion is that we should mind our own business - a friend disagrees strongly as has made me feel shit about it so reaching out here for opinions.

Friend A is a single mum of a child with SEN. She gets zero help from child’s dad, either in contact or maintenance. She is, in my opinion, a bloody good mum. Fights hard for her son to get him what he needs, works full time in a senior position to keep them afloat. Doesn’t so much as touch a drop of alcohol when her son is in her care. Gets minimal help from family but her son does go for a sleepover at grandparents every couple of months.

When her son is at his grandparents, she dabbles a bit in recreational drug use - usually either weed or occasionally mdma. This is in the comfort of her own home, with her partner. Never uses enough to get completely off her face but clearly gets an experience out of it. I’ve known about this for ages and it’s never phased me, and I’ve been in her company once or twice so I know she knows her limits.

friend B recently found out about this through friend C. Friend B now wants to report friend A to social services.

fWIw I’ve never taken drugs but I think Friend B is being ridiculous and that the child is well taken care of at all times and friend A is allowed to let her hair down once every couple of months. AIBU?

Lol, well spotted the hypocrisy is outstanding. Alcohol wrecks so much more lives , and is way more widespread.

Getting regularly shitfaced is not only accepted but almost glorified in the UK. If

How come you are sure she only uses them when the kid is away? It’s a slippery slope, more so for a person under so much pressure.

Exactly, so easy to become a slippery slope situation when you have people like the op supporting her. Disgusting really, she is solely responsible for her dc and dabbling in such bad habits. I couldn't be friends with someone like this either.

Completely agree. How many young children are used. What about trafficking ? Its wrong

@GetThatHelmetOn would you say also indulging in alcohol on child free nights is a slipper slope ? No? Why the double standard? Alcohol is very addicting.

My main concern is she has it in the house, but you could say the same about alcohol. The mdma is a little more worrying as it’s pill form right? I don’t like it but I think you’re right about not doing much about it. Addiction does happen though so keep an eye on her (and her partner). Ideally she’s not mixing with any other drugs or dodgy people as that’s when it becomes more tricky.

Oh get a grip. You’re more in control of your actions on either weed or MDMA than you are if you’ve drunk a load of gin.

please don’t act like this woman is some sort of drug addict. She’s allowed to let her hair down. 🙄

Social services won't care as long as she doesn't use it around the dc or look after them on a come down. She's not endangering her dc. This wouldn't be investigated.

Also MDMA is not trafficked in with children or made with child slaves. It's usually made in someones house.

What a drama

they would be far more concerned if she was heavily drinking while caring for her children

Yes they do - for some people. Alcohol is a drug and also causes harm to communities and young people (and not so young people). The fact it is legalised in the UK does not make it any less of a drug. Occasional and responsible use of alcohol is no different than sensible and occasional use of drugs deemed to be illegal (in the UK). For the record, I don't and have never experimented with or used drugs, but a single malt whisky is most welcome. There is no difference. And the law even (perversely) recognises that by effectively "ignoring" the possession of small amounts of recreational drugs which are otherwise deemed illegal.

Plenty of people drink in front of their children. They do so sensibly, and don't give it a second thought. And nobody bats an eyebrow. Family friendly pubs anyone? This woman is occasionally using drugs out of the sight of her children and when they are not in the house. Shock horror.

Friend B needs to get a life, and speaking personally, if she did this I would (a) never speak to her again and tell her why and (b) tell both my friends that she was the person responsible. If she genuinely has something to say she should say it to her "friends" face. But then she isn't really a friend, is she? No friend would even consider doing such a thing.

Doesn't matter whether it is casual or recreational, it is still drug use.

In what way is alcohol 'better' @anon2334 ?

And how is this any example to her child - WHO IS SAFELY WITH HIS GRANDPARENTS whenever his mum has her every-other-month dabble?

Why??

I wouldn't report her for taking recreational drugs but I'd be worried for her dabbling in mdma.

@anon2334 as pointed out by several other posters, she really is not better off drinking!

I’m confident she’s not using it more frequently. I spend a lot of time with her, a couple of evenings a week at least once our DC are asleep we have dinner together etc as our children are best friends too and have regular sleepovers. I don’t know for certain but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t keep it in the house either, I think her other half brings it round when the child isn’t there.

The issue is not the substance but the fact the poor woman is under so much pressure taking care of a child with specials needs 24/7.

It is not unusual for addiction to flourish on people who are under a lot of pressure and stress, and that addiction could be from drinking a glass of wine too much at night when alone at home, to spending a fortune you don’t have on fags. That’s were the slippery slope is.

Is that a fact?

Can you back your assertion that having a smoke once every 2 months is a 'slippery slope' with any research or statistics?

Alcohol causes far more damage in society

I haven't touched drugs in years, but I wouldn't judge anyone who did a bit of weed/ MDMA/ etc when their kids aren't around. As pps said, though, what is far more concerning is this normalisation of drinking culture, even when kids are around.
I know people who would be utterly horrified at the idea of smoking a joint, yet think nothing of sinking a bottle of wine or more when in charge of their kids at a family party. It's bizarre.

I have zero tolerance for drug use; too many friends ended up dead or lifetime-damaged

I’d rather be friends with an occasional drug user than someone who sinks multiple glasses of wine a night because it’s socially acceptable. The latter is far more damaging. I really couldn’t get worked up about this, occasional recreational drug use is pretty widespread among middle class professionals. Legalise it all, it would probably be safer.

Children's services won't care. Lots of the parents in my circle of friends dabble in drugs occasionally. Some are teachers doctors, lawyers, nurses, psychotherapists and one is even a social worker.
A social worker may make a phone call but if there are no other reported concerns that would likely be the end of it.

And your point is ..?

Urgh so many of you are being sooooo parochial!!

she does it every so oft, the child isn’t even there!

for those of who saying it’s so wrong of her to put herself at risk when she has a kid- well you could say that about anything and everything couldn’t you?! Every time she gets into a car she’s putting herself at risk

the woman sounds she has a lot on her plate and is doing a great job, if the odd bit of recreational drug use helps her relax, have a good time, whatever - then she absolutely deserves it!