To ask your opinion on casual recreational drug use as a mum?

[Easylittlethrowaway]

this concerns two close friends of mine but I will state up front that my own opinion is that we should mind our own business - a friend disagrees strongly as has made me feel shit about it so reaching out here for opinions.

Friend A is a single mum of a child with SEN. She gets zero help from child’s dad, either in contact or maintenance. She is, in my opinion, a bloody good mum. Fights hard for her son to get him what he needs, works full time in a senior position to keep them afloat. Doesn’t so much as touch a drop of alcohol when her son is in her care. Gets minimal help from family but her son does go for a sleepover at grandparents every couple of months.

When her son is at his grandparents, she dabbles a bit in recreational drug use - usually either weed or occasionally mdma. This is in the comfort of her own home, with her partner. Never uses enough to get completely off her face but clearly gets an experience out of it. I’ve known about this for ages and it’s never phased me, and I’ve been in her company once or twice so I know she knows her limits.

friend B recently found out about this through friend C. Friend B now wants to report friend A to social services.

fWIw I’ve never taken drugs but I think Friend B is being ridiculous and that the child is well taken care of at all times and friend A is allowed to let her hair down once every couple of months. AIBU?

and??

To all those so against it, what's the difference between smoking a joint and having a few glasses of wine? Other than the legalities?

And SS will do fuck all which is absolutely right. Like what does your other friend think they will do exactly ?! Put the child in care?! Like there’s that many foster caters around - they are needed for children who are actually in danger

I really wouldn't care what she does in her own child-free time but in these circumstances i would tell her to be careful about being so open. I'd probably even tell her who the friend threatening to call social services is so she knows not to be so candid with them.

I'm a single mum with almost no backup. Ex has ds about 14 nights per year.
For me, drugs and dcs don't mix at all. And that includes alcohol. If I'm the responsible adult on duty, then I don't drink. Period.
But ex is an alcoholic so I have fairly dim views on the topic.

Plenty of predictable hypocrisy from the wine-o-clock but drugs-are-bad mmmkay posters that normally pop up on these threads.

OPs friend isn’t caring for the child at the time and it’s occasional.

Research the damage done by the various drugs to society. Alcohol is very high up. Higher than weed or mdma which is quite a long way down the list.

I’d ditch friend B personally.

Its having no impact on the child. Tiny risk from a legal perspective (ie being criminalised), if shes sensible with how she uses it then there's a small risk re her health.
Wouldn't judge at all and social services wouldn't be interested either.

Fwiw a lot of people seem bizarrely ok with a few lines of coke on a night out at the pub and that is far, far more dangerous from a health point of view (both in terms of how much more addictive it is, and with how dangerous coke + alcohol is)

As others have said 'wine o'clock' and 'mummyneedswine' culture is far, far more damaging to children.

It's shameful mdma? How old is she 17 if her kid is there or not she has drugs in her house Iwouldn't t be friends with a druggie I mean out in a club would be bad but sat at home is worse! It's weird.

I'm a bit surprised at the people who think alcohol is worse than drugs. I say that as a lifelong teetotaller who has also never done drugs but I have worked in a mental health facility and no one was admitted due to alcohol, cannabis induced psychosis was not at all unusual. If you see a formerly fit healthy teenager lying in their own filth because they have become almost catatonic it would also make you question how harmless drugs are.

Having said that if it is occasional and a moderate amount I would mind my own business.

I wouldn't report and I wouldn't judge her as long as it wasn't around the kids. But then, I am not anti-drugs generally. If it were crack, heroin, meth or anything like that, yeah I would judge those, they are worse than the rest. I might encourage her to try something safer over MDMA like mushrooms, I've had wonderful spiritual experiences on those.

Does Friend B offer anything in terms of support or is she more interested in being judgemental? A family member of mine a few years ago was reported to SS due to alcohol addiction. Sw actually suggested that she do exactly what your friend is doing amd limit her drinking to one night a week when dcs were at grannys for sleepovers.

If she's not in charge of the child then why would it make a difference what she's doing? If she's getting stoned while in charge of the kid it's not the end of the world but not great, MDMA is different though and I would judge someone taking that while actively in charge of a child.

Calling social services is an insane and dangerous reaction. I don’t do drugs, I don’t think most of them should be legalised for a variety of reasons but neither of these drugs are anywhere near as or more dangerous than alcohol and I know plenty of families destroyed by that. It doesn’t mean I look down on people who do have a few glasses of wine around their children. I hope you never confide in friend B OP, not to be trusted.

Do people not realise that alcohol is a drug...the only difference is that is that it's a socially acceptable one. Get rid of your judgey friend.

@ancientgran I think you've missed the bit where the usage is once every couple of months. I doubt you've had anyone admitted to your mental health unit for drug induced psychosis when they've used 4 -6 times a year.

I'm a bit surprised at the people who think alcohol is worse than drugs

Many city centres get pretty nasty around kicking out time, it’s Alcohol that causes it, granted it’s often that and cocaine together but we’re not talking about that here. It certainly isn’t weed or mdma.

I would assume alcohol is the most common problem when looking at cases of DV too.

Nobody is saying that alcohol is worse than drugs. They are both drugs, legality is the only difference. And I've seen plenty of formerly fit healthy teenagers lying in their own filth and almost catatonic after downing too much alcohol. I am simply amazed that you have never seen anyone suffering mental health problems as a result of excessive use of alcohol - it's common that mental ill health and alcohol are linked. www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/a/alcohol-and-mental-health

I'm 100% with you Easy. It's no one else's business what she does to let her hair down, in her own home, when she is not responsible for a child.
She sounds like she's doing a good job with very little help. ( for clarity I don't drink, smoke or do drugs at all).
Social services will just laugh your nosey nightmare friend out of their offices.

Social services won’t give a shit about this.

I judge people who get drunk around their kids more harshly than those who occasionally use low-risk drugs like weed and small doses of MDMA away from their kids.

(i am teetotal, don’t take any drugs and work in children social care, for context)

Social services will not give a shit

They literally can’t do anything about hard drug users, who are known to be using, when they are bloody looking after the children.

not my cup of tea- but I wouldn’t judge if the child is cared for and outside the home with a family member.

So OP presents the situation in her post but, oh no, you know better. Anyone who is different to you is not to be trusted then, is that it? What a load of tosh.

No one on here has said drugs are harmless. And yes heavy drug use is more likely to have an impact on your mental health than alcohol abuse. But in this case it’s only occasional. And alcohol is more responsible than other drugs for causing all sorts of things like violent crimes/abuse/homelessness/accidents etc. You generally need to abuse drugs pretty heavily over a long period of time to get to the examples you’ve given. Whereas it only takes getting drunk a single time for someone to potentially do something really stupid.

If I had to leave my small children in the care of someone who had smoked a joint or someone who had drunk a bottle of wine, I would choose the person who had smoked the joint.

probably not a popular opinion, but I believe alcohol is far, far more harmful than weed smoked in moderation. In fact the only harmful thing about a moderate amount of weed is the fact that it’s usually smoked.

I thought I was going to be a lone voice, but I think a couple of posters agree with me...

Personally, I ditch friend B and warn friend A that C can't keep her gob shut.

someone has suffered violence and abuse for those drugs to get produced and distributed

if nobody took drugs, the drug trade would die