To ask your opinion on casual recreational drug use as a mum?

[Easylittlethrowaway]

this concerns two close friends of mine but I will state up front that my own opinion is that we should mind our own business - a friend disagrees strongly as has made me feel shit about it so reaching out here for opinions.

Friend A is a single mum of a child with SEN. She gets zero help from child’s dad, either in contact or maintenance. She is, in my opinion, a bloody good mum. Fights hard for her son to get him what he needs, works full time in a senior position to keep them afloat. Doesn’t so much as touch a drop of alcohol when her son is in her care. Gets minimal help from family but her son does go for a sleepover at grandparents every couple of months.

When her son is at his grandparents, she dabbles a bit in recreational drug use - usually either weed or occasionally mdma. This is in the comfort of her own home, with her partner. Never uses enough to get completely off her face but clearly gets an experience out of it. I’ve known about this for ages and it’s never phased me, and I’ve been in her company once or twice so I know she knows her limits.

friend B recently found out about this through friend C. Friend B now wants to report friend A to social services.

fWIw I’ve never taken drugs but I think Friend B is being ridiculous and that the child is well taken care of at all times and friend A is allowed to let her hair down once every couple of months. AIBU?

And what exactly do you know about drugs? You're completely against them are you? Tee total then? No paracetamol? Antihistamines?
What an absurd generalisation.
Ignorance is no justification for vilifying someone that is different to you.

You clearly know nothing about what you're talking about

Nah I think it's grubby to be honest, don't agree with it at all

Threads like these really make me realise how far removed my life is from that of most MNers. Most of the opinions here are incredibly pearl clutchey to me.

I work in London in a professional role and most of my friends here are also in similar roles with good salaries. I would say at least half of the parents I know dabble in recreational drug use when they socialise - usually cocaine or MDMA. I'm not condoning it but it's extraordinarily common and I have to say, I don't see how there's a massive difference between that and drinking a bottle of wine or getting drunk on spirits.

People implying a grown woman and mother might get addicted to drugs because of the odd spliff or bit of MDMA are hilarious to me, I have to say. I didn't think anyone over 14 really believed that 'slippery slope' stuff.

Social services wouldn't give a monkeys.
I wouldn't condone it as you are enabling the drug industry which involves nothing but misery, violence, self destruction and death.

Everyone on here who are totally against drugs I will presume are also teetotal?

Alcohol is simply a legalised drug, and also the most dangerous of them all by a long way.

Personally I think that if certain narcotics were legalised so that people could take them in a safe environment, be sure of their contents and pay tax on them rather than to the criminals currently handling the job, we'd have far fewer issues with drugs.

I would tell the pearl clutching friend to mind her own business.

Does friend B drink alcohol or have friends with children that do? Only asking because I think alcohol is much much worse than weed. Anyway tell her to crack on with phoning social services, and while their time is being taken up on a complete non issue, that child on the next street over who desperately needs help to save their life can just wait.

From the perspective of risk to her children, how does this differ from drinking alcohol when kids are away? I assume most people would think that was acceptable.

This is why the less harmful drugs such as weed, MDMA, speed etc should be legalised and regulated.

It would cut so much crime, suffering and violence. People could be sure of what was in the stuff there buying. Win win all round.

@GetThatHelmetOn
Are you speaking from experience? Do you have a child with special needs? Do you know each and every different form of specials needs and what life is like with each case? Give over, unless you've walked a mile in her shoes you know f all about it.

Friend B is definitely of the “wine o clock” variety which I find ironic. Friend A doesn’t drink - not decidedly teetotal but just never was a big drinker, even when younger and childfree. Might have a glass of wine at a wedding but that’s it. She’s not really a party animal kinda girl either and much prefers her home comforts.

Her partner smokes weed more frequently, and that is the reason they don’t live together, because she doesn’t want it around her child at all (her partner is nice enough and would definitely not smoke around her son but she doesn’t want it in the house at all when her son is there) so I really don’t think she’s using drugs any more frequently than her occasional childfree nights.

@DogsAndGin
Hoisted by your own petard there dogs and gin. Mother's ruin o'clock anyone?

I’m with you - wouldn’t do it myself but she is clearly not a risk to her child.

I am appalled at all the people leaping to condemn drug use who don’t apply the same to alcohol. Im also a bit surprised about people who ‘couldn’t be friends’ with someone who buys drugs sometimes because of the harm in the supply chain whilst they post on their mobile phones (supply chain for the internal components is horrifying), and I’m willing to bet, buy clothes on the high street where fast fashion retailers routinely fail to pay their workers, and eat chocolate which still very commonly involves child labour and slavery in the supply chain. Not saying we shouldn’t all try and avoid funding atrocity, but the drug trade really isn’t the only culprit.

I suggest you look into the cocaine industry, your friends drug of choice to see the destruction it causes.

Go tell the families of the dead to stop clutching their pearls🙄

Social services would not even visit if it while her child is not in her care. It is no ones business what she dies when she has child free time.

@pixie5121 I was thinking exactly the same. I literally do not kn

I suspect she has in the past wondered about her own life and it’s worth, it can be extremely lonely and stressful being a solo parent much less to a SEN child.

If you posted that she occasionally gets off her face drinking when dc was with dgp a lot more would be saying yeah what’s the harm etc, we’ve all done that. Coke in my experience is much more prevalent amongst mums I know than is ever spoken about publicly.

Its such a high and mightly place to shout from to say she should be ashamed, guessing life has been pretty sweet for you.

Ditto also the idea that this is bad but drinking to excess around children is seen as appropriate and acceptable.

I’m with you op, non of my business, kids are safe, she’s allowed to do what she wants with her free time. I say this coming from someone who doesn’t do drugs or care for them.

Well I guess if she’s happy for her kid to forge a county lines career or for there to be a trap house next door, or for her own house to be cuckooed then I guess she should crack on.

Or is she just happy for other people to have to put up with this shit to support her habit? These are the realities of drug use. It’s not ok to ignore them.

That said, social services will do fuck all so I wouldn’t bother reporting her.

@Verbena87 excellent point. We're all writing this on technology mined by child slaves in parts of Africa. Lots of clothing is made by slave children and not just cheap Primark clothes. I'm sure there was a report where they traced threads of cotton to slaves in China and those companies included Nike. So yes posters when you're not buying clothes or using tech with batteries from Africa then you can get on your high horse about cocaine.

Know any teetotallers, except for the husband of an acquaintance who is an alcoholic. Also don't know many wine o'clock mummies as most of my friends are two professional job couples. However, the odd recreational drug use is not uncommon but never benders. Everyone is too bloody busy

Having a joint, a pill or a line is fairly common late teens/early 20's experimentation ime. I did all three between ages 17-20. I didn't think of the risk, the wider damage drugs do and neither did my friends. As a fully fledged grown up I know better now.

Carrying it forward into your adult years is just a bit sad though. I know plenty of women my age, 30's-40's who still take coke or pills on a night out and imo it's just a bit pathetic that they didn't grow out of it like most people do.

I know too much about the drugs trade, and the manicure trade for that matter, to support either with my trade.

Through my job I have to spend a lot of effort rescuing and rehabbing people affected by people on here's "harmless" habits.

Alcohol can be bought in the supermarket without any concerns that children were groomed and abused to supply it.

You drink gin, though, right?

Studies have found that alcohol is more harmful, more addictive and higher risk than MDMA.

Friend A needs to be told that Friend B can't be trusted and Friend C can't keep their mouth shut.

“know plenty of women my age, 30's-40's who still take coke or pills on a night out and imo it's just a bit pathetic that they didn't grow out of it like most people do”

My friend was a young carer for her mum until she was 22, then had her DC shortly after her mum passed away. She’s not “carrying on” with behaviour from her 20s that she hasn’t grown out of. She never had a chance of a social life really.