To ask your opinion on casual recreational drug use as a mum?

[Easylittlethrowaway]

this concerns two close friends of mine but I will state up front that my own opinion is that we should mind our own business - a friend disagrees strongly as has made me feel shit about it so reaching out here for opinions.

Friend A is a single mum of a child with SEN. She gets zero help from child’s dad, either in contact or maintenance. She is, in my opinion, a bloody good mum. Fights hard for her son to get him what he needs, works full time in a senior position to keep them afloat. Doesn’t so much as touch a drop of alcohol when her son is in her care. Gets minimal help from family but her son does go for a sleepover at grandparents every couple of months.

When her son is at his grandparents, she dabbles a bit in recreational drug use - usually either weed or occasionally mdma. This is in the comfort of her own home, with her partner. Never uses enough to get completely off her face but clearly gets an experience out of it. I’ve known about this for ages and it’s never phased me, and I’ve been in her company once or twice so I know she knows her limits.

friend B recently found out about this through friend C. Friend B now wants to report friend A to social services.

fWIw I’ve never taken drugs but I think Friend B is being ridiculous and that the child is well taken care of at all times and friend A is allowed to let her hair down once every couple of months. AIBU?

Your friend needs to mind her own business and get a life!

I'd agree.

In most areas social services departments are extremely overstretched. The situation described wouldn't be a priority by any means. And unless the drug user herself confirms her drug use then an uncorroborated allegation is no basis for any further action.

@Hrpuffnstuff1

i wouldn’t say anyone feels threatened by your choice.

I personally just feel a bit sad for you.

It sounds like since being a parent you feel constantly “on duty” like you have to be a paragon of good behaviour all the time whether your kids are there or not. Constantly hearing the weight of “parental responsibility that never ends”. You sound very uptight and serious!

in my opinion when a parents are looked after elsewhere that parent can do what they want! Obviously not go around murdering or whatever but they do not have to be in parent mode and can get pissed, take Pills, have casual sex, whatever.

When do you get to let your hair down and just have fun and just be you not just so and so’s parent?! You are a person in your own right, remember who you were before you kids- that person doesn’t have to be lost entirely just because you are now a parent.

Why would I feel threatened by a random man on the Internet 😂?

But you can't do the "I don't judge, I just do me" when you're throwing around comments like "children deserve better" than parents who occasionally get drunk when they're safely elsewhere because "parental responsibility never ends" which is a judgement on other parents not doing the right thing by their kids because their lax about their duty.

I'm comfortable with my kids growing up to understand I am not just Mom, I'm also Sleeping, that I have needs which matter too (although theirs will likely take priority) and that I'm entitled to some freedom away from them to enjoy stuff they can't be a part of. I don't think we do our kids any favours as future parents to teach them they aren't just the centre of the Universe but the only planet on the solar system.

Exactly!!

I quite like my identity as a parent. I don't have another one.
Out with the old in with the new.
Apart from the ethical considerations of drugs and excessive alcohol.

My neighbour is a social worker and her husband works with special needs children. They both smoke a huge amount of weed 🤷‍♀️