...to be really pissed off when people don't tell you...

[FedUpWithInLaws]

that their kid is ill before you see them...

Niece has a horrible cold and nasty cough (better not be COVID). We didn't know til we arrived to stay with the family (drove a few hours to get here and been stuck here 4 days). Now DS1 has caught it. He missed training in his chosen sport to come away for a few days, now he'll have to miss a week more to recover. If it's COVID he'll have to miss even more. He has a big competition coming up so needed the training. I'd never have come away if I knew niece was so ill.

Why do people do this? Drives me insane. When the shoe is on the other foot I always let people know 'little X has a cold, do you still want to come?', 'y has a cough, not sure why, but just letting you know in case you'd rather not come', etc ...

DS2 had a friend over a few weeks ago - again he was sneezing all over both DC, streaming cold, temperature. Mum dropped and ran. Both DC caught it. Now DS1 has missed training from this annoying playdate kid, and again he'll be missing it from annoying niece.

Wish people would not do this. or at least let you know and give you the choice?

I hate this as well. Or when you go to soft play and some child is miserable and snotting all over the equipment.

YABU holding your sons training as sacrosant.

Completely agree OP. Selfish and unthinking behaviour.

I too, used to let people know and found most people didn't mind and still came but it was only polite to warn them.

so what if it's covid. Just don't test.

Now DS1 has missed training from this annoying playdate kid, and again he'll be missing it from annoying niece. What a horrible way to describe these children. they haven't done anything wrong and you're describing them as annoying. Yes their parents should have given you a heads up in an ideal world but maybe they thought you valued these meet ups. Its clear you don't. Just decline all invitations in future.

RedHelen - bit you could substitute training for anything really - don't want to catch it because...'going on holiday / DS has a school play / going to see immunocompromised brother / important school exam for DS2'.

It doesn't matter the reason - people should be considerate enough to know that your children don't necessarily want to catch their children's bugs for whatever reason, and make you aware their kids are ill so you have a choice

Also agree. Worst one for me was meeting family before Christmas. One family member brought their child with D&V bug.
Yes we all caught it. Not only did it ruin our Christmas because we were sick, it meant we couldn’t go and visit elderly relatives.

Or in future you could give people a ring before you go and check the situation and pull out if not happy

Oh wow, does not testing Remove symptoms now too?

YANBU OP, it's a quick call and let's you make the decision with all the data available.

This is 100% on the parents, not the DC though.

The onus shouldn’t be on OP to check no one is sick. It should be basic common courtesy to let someone know if you are.

Most primary school children seen to be ill more often than not, it's training for a hobby sport, it's not comparable to ruining the family holiday, an immunocompromised family member or an important exam. Do you think professional athletes and sports people never see anyone else's children in case they get a cold? 🙄

Yabu. My kids are permanently ill. We’d never see anyone if I took this approach for a snotty nose.

I absolutely agree.

I always let people know if mine are ill, and usually if it's just a cold most people still come (or they did before Covid anyway) ... but that should be their choice! I expect the same in return.

I agree! My eldest ended up with a bad cold from a friend (turned out it was RSV) for my eldest that turned into ongoing issues (in and out of hospital) before that they’d been fine. This other baby had a very bad cold and they came to our house, the baby had the most horrible cough very pale.

The RSV for my eldest lead to lots of trips to hospital/oxygen/steroids etc for their first two years of life.

Yabu. Snotty noses and coughs are super common in kids and very normal. And good for building their immune system. You could avoid a play date because of this only to find your child catches it at school!

Same for soft plays, what are the parents to do ? Never leave the house because of snot coming out of child's nose ? Bit of an over reaction.

I was at a soft play the other day and this kid has green snot streaming out his nose, it was super gross... then my kid had similar a few days after. Blew her nose. And got on with our lives.

You're jumping the gun assuming your kids are going to be ill for weeks on end... they might be fine.

Same for your DC missed training, if it's not your niece, it's someone else's kid. You can't control these things unless you want to leave sheltered away.

They’re supposed to stay home until it’s gone?! How is that “never leaving the house”?

my daughter nearly died at 5 months old because she caught a cold from someone. She ended up in hospital for a month on CPAP and needed a feeding tube for 6 months as a result.

just stay home if you’re ill it’s not fucking hard is it

Whilst I agree it would be courteous for the parents to let you know ahead of time, if your DS is training at a high level then you could ring ahead and check.

For a cold I might not consider it a big enough deal to mention, although in these days I would probably test a child with a cough. For anything D&V related I would absolutely tell and want to be told.

Why didn’t you leave when you got there and realised? If i got there and saw how nasty her cough was, I’d have left, considering the knock-on effect it’s on your DC’s sports
my children hardly get coughs and colds now but I always warn people we’re meeting if they do get it, or cancel, myself.

Exactly. After covid most parents are keen for their kids to socialise and see their families/friends after so long of being separated. Yet some people are worrying about a snotty nose. If sports training is more important than seeing cousins/friends, then I agree with above, decline all invitations.

Plus unkind to blame children in this instance, it's not their fault. Yes it's polite to let parents know ahead of play date but I often forget in the lead up, you know because, busy thinking of other things etc etc etc...

Plus, even if it is covid, providing child isn't bed ridden, you are allowed to continue normal life like usual, no need to quarantine or test so really don't see the issue here.

WooNoodle - sorry, I know it's not the kids fault. They are just kids. Just feeling a bit peed off this morning sitting next to DS who is poorly, snotty and miserable all because niece is clearly very ill and has given him this nasty bug.

I'd love not to have visited the in laws this week, I'm exhausted, my children have missed training (sorry, but they like it so it is sad for them), missed fun stuff their friends are doing. We've come because it means a lot to DH and becuase I thought it was nice the in laws wanted to meet up. Would not have come if I'd known niece was ill. Don't think it's too much to expect them to have let us know niece is I'll with nasty cough and cold (which may well be COVID)

Regards the other kid - no, I don't really value a playdate with him. It was just a playdate, we could have done this when he was better or not at all

A cough wouldn't even cross my mind to be important enough to warn people unless they were bringing a new baby or were immunosuppressed

You'll find a lot of professional sportspeople train through coughs and colds by the way

What if it is, and they become seriously ill, or pass it to an older/infirm person who then dies (as happened to my Uncle).
When did a bit of consideration stop being a thing?

Yeah this doesn't work either. We did that recently, were told everyone fine. Turned up and clearly not fine, that lead to a week of sleeping on my toddlers floor because he was so poorly. People are selfish and will say whatever so they can do as they please.

Really annoying my ils do this too. Like we want their colds/stomach bugs! It's like they can't bear to miss out so will turn up to stuff regardless if one of them is ill. Even did it when dn had chicken pox which luckily we have all had. Tried to explain dn needed to isolate but they just ignored us.