...to be really pissed off when people don't tell you...

[FedUpWithInLaws]

that their kid is ill before you see them...

Niece has a horrible cold and nasty cough (better not be COVID). We didn't know til we arrived to stay with the family (drove a few hours to get here and been stuck here 4 days). Now DS1 has caught it. He missed training in his chosen sport to come away for a few days, now he'll have to miss a week more to recover. If it's COVID he'll have to miss even more. He has a big competition coming up so needed the training. I'd never have come away if I knew niece was so ill.

Why do people do this? Drives me insane. When the shoe is on the other foot I always let people know 'little X has a cold, do you still want to come?', 'y has a cough, not sure why, but just letting you know in case you'd rather not come', etc ...

DS2 had a friend over a few weeks ago - again he was sneezing all over both DC, streaming cold, temperature. Mum dropped and ran. Both DC caught it. Now DS1 has missed training from this annoying playdate kid, and again he'll be missing it from annoying niece.

Wish people would not do this. or at least let you know and give you the choice?

For me, it's because D&V requires you to stay off work until you're fully symptom free, whereas a cold is generally much less serious and most people can still go about their daily lives with a runny nose and a cough.

I totally accept that colds can be serious for some, but for most people it's just not viable to stay home from work and school just because you have a runny nose.

I think until workplace culture changes (and people are paid when they're off sick) it's unrealistic to expect people to stay home just because they're a bit snotty and bunged up.

Schools pressurise parents to send children in, I've even heard of them giving calpol to DC to encourage their attendance.if I child is ill enough to need calpol I don't think they should be at school for their colleagues sake or their own sake.
The same applies in the workplace, people go in with sore throats and coughs because they will not get paid or because they don't want to let down their colleagues.This attitude should become unacceptable as it largely was at the height of the pandemic.

I don’t think exploitative workplace practises should be what people base their decisions off. I get it’s not serious for most people but my DD nearly died from a cold when she was months old and had complications for 6 months afterwards, it ruined her first year for us and contributed to my horrendous PND.

It's 'sacrosanct' just for the next time you want to come and use long words to have a go at someone again.

I don’t think exploitative workplace practises should be what people base their decisions off. I get it’s not serious for most people but my DD nearly died from a cold when she was months old and had complications for 6 months afterwards, it ruined her first year for us and contributed to my horrendous PND.

But people need jobs. If I'd stayed home from work every time I had a runny nose or sneezing fit, I'd have been off work every other week since Christmas. Do you think that's fair to my colleagues? To my service users? Do you think my employer should pay me a full wage for sitting at home feeling well enough to decorate, bake, garden? In case someone else gets really ill from my mild cold?

My old boss was a total arsehole, but even he HATED it when people came in to the office with a cold because it meant infecting other colleagues who would then be unproductive.

Because nobody gives a damn anymore and it's normal for kids to get coughs and colds. Probably wouldn't have even occurred to them to tell you.

I wouldn't modify my behaviour for a cold, whether it was me or my child with one. They're highly communicable and very, very seldom dangerous. I'm not going to stay at home with one.

Selfish.

I think its less fair to expose them?

Don't be silly. It's called the 'common cold' for a reason: it can't be avoided and is seldom dangerous. The idea that workers become notably less productive with a cold! Only the bloody useless ones. Just encourages non-attendance. I'm not losing a day's pay, nor my child a day's schooling, because some people are weirdly precious.

My daughter nearly died from a cold but at least your PFB didn’t miss circle time

'But people need jobs. If I'd stayed home from work every time I had a runny nose or sneezing fit, I'd have been off work every other week since Christmas. Do you think that's fair to my colleagues? To my service users? Do you think my employer should pay me a full wage for sitting at home feeling well enough to decorate, bake, garden? In case someone else gets really ill from my mild cold?'

No, I don't. You're 100% right.

It's not unreasonable for you to want to avoid a cough/cold this particular week, but it is unreasonable to expect everyone else to know that. If you have a specific reason to be trying to avoid every single germ out there, then it's up to you to ask before you go.

For most children and young people, regular exposure to common viruses is an important part of their immune development, not something to be avoided at all costs.

Ah, the MN biscuit. Really going for the jugular, there 🙄

I've got three kids and wouldn't keep any of them off school with a cold, so the reference to a 'PFB' is as curious as the mention of 'circle time'.

Your baby girl didn't catch her cold from my school-age child. Far more likely at that age that she caught it from a family member or at least someone, presumably with symptoms, permitted to get close enough to pass it to them. I wouldn't keep my child off school with a cold, but would keep them away from an elderly person or a baby. As a mother, I'd have kept anyone with symptoms, at arm's length.

My sister didn’t tell me her DD was unwell and allowed us to visit, catch swine flu (I was heavily pregnant too) and it left my toddler with a vomit phobia.

They should have told you but you've also had the opportunity to leave at any point over the last 4 days.

You seem clouded by your own experience. Sorry about what happened to your daughter but colds aren't usually life threatening even for 5 month olds.

Kids don't need to stay home if they have a cold. If they're school age that would even be bad for their education since kids get sick a lot.

It's just basic courtesy to let people know and give them the option.

How is it fair on others for you to come in and spread your germs around? They're then off sick. But I guess it's ok for them to be off sick and not you?

They may live with vulnerable people for whom a cold is far more serious than just a cold. I have a relative for whom a cold is a chest infection. But why is it ok to give someone like him a cold instead of you stayng home for a few days?

A cold for me last 3/4 weeks due to having lung problems. It's difficult enough trying to breathe already without it being made worse by someone spreading their cold around.

I draw the line there because that’s the nhs guidance. Having said that the nhs guidance for d&v is 48 hours but I’d personally be more cautious than that. My choice though and I wouldn’t expect anyone else to know that unless I said.

I do think it’s on the individual to ask if it’s a particular worry for them. It’s such a personal thing and people can’t read minds.

She got it from my eldest because he came home from nursery before I pulled him out) with a cold, because some selfish bastard didn’t take a day off to care for their own sick kid. It’s disgusting.I never send my kids anywhere with colds

Completely agree OP but MN is full of people that will say "my kid would never get to do anything if we did this, YABU". Because that's how self absorbed they are. Other people are just collateral damage to their kids "getting to do things". If you warned people, then your kids would get to do things with the people like yourself who don't mind. Which is how it should be.

The part of it I don't think people like that seem to realise is that they are making their presence an annoyance and something to be resented when they behave like this. Do they really want to spend the day with people that are inwardly wishing they weren't there, desperate to get away from them and acutely aware of how much they are or are not enjoying being around them (and therefore how "worth it" it feels?) Is that what you want to be to people?

But you need to understand that, as it stands, people have no choice.

It's not feasible for them to stay home every time they have a runny nose, a sore throat or a bit of a cough when they don't get paid to do so. I mean, how do you think they're supposed to pay their bills and feed their DC if they're constantly having to stay off work with no pay?

Nobody is saying what you and your DD went through isn't horrendous, but you can't expect people to sacrifice their income and financial stability for you.

I couldn't agree more. Two family members are like this, but thankfully their children have grown up and flown the nest now. Whenever they had a bad cold or 'the sniffles' I caught it off them almost every time, despite careful hand washing. They are simply careless types who like to spread their germs far and wide. They behave like this in other areas of their lives too. But you can't tell them anything - they know best.