...to be really pissed off when people don't tell you...

[FedUpWithInLaws]

that their kid is ill before you see them...

Niece has a horrible cold and nasty cough (better not be COVID). We didn't know til we arrived to stay with the family (drove a few hours to get here and been stuck here 4 days). Now DS1 has caught it. He missed training in his chosen sport to come away for a few days, now he'll have to miss a week more to recover. If it's COVID he'll have to miss even more. He has a big competition coming up so needed the training. I'd never have come away if I knew niece was so ill.

Why do people do this? Drives me insane. When the shoe is on the other foot I always let people know 'little X has a cold, do you still want to come?', 'y has a cough, not sure why, but just letting you know in case you'd rather not come', etc ...

DS2 had a friend over a few weeks ago - again he was sneezing all over both DC, streaming cold, temperature. Mum dropped and ran. Both DC caught it. Now DS1 has missed training from this annoying playdate kid, and again he'll be missing it from annoying niece.

Wish people would not do this. or at least let you know and give you the choice?

We need a zero illness policy. Quarantine everyone who sneezes for a month at the least.

If I never sent my toddler anywhere when he has a cold he'd leave the house for 5 or 6 days a month at most. Kids do need to get sick you cant protect them from it forever, it's obviously very unfortunate what happened to your daughter but it is so rare it's not even worth worrying about for 99.9999999% of parents.

That’s selfish. You absolutely do not need to go out when sick - what’s with everyone on mn having kids who have colds 24/7? Mine rarely have them

It's not selfish at all it's a fact of life. I wouldn't take him into hospital or a care home to see a relative but there's absolutely no way I'd keep him away from anything else.

He goes to nursery, soft play and god knows what else where viruses are passed around like currency. My boss withdrew his kid from nursery because he couldn't deal with the constant colds, We refer to whatever our son has as the cold of the week as they are so frequent.

I don't know why you don't understand that kids react differently to illnesses given what happened to your daughter? Your kids don't get colds that often good for you. The world doesn't need to stop because of a runny nose.

That’s selfish. You absolutely do not need to go out when sick - what’s with everyone on mn having kids who have colds 24/7? Mine rarely have them

Of course you do 🙄 People need to work and therefore, children need to attend childcare. That's just life. It's unfortunate that it has a negative impact on some people, but how do you think businesses will survive if staff have to stay off sick for a sniffle?

Oh right so it's selfish needing to go to the shop to get food in? Selfish of me to go to work so I don't get fired? Not everyone lives their lives in such away that they can cope with self isolation every time their child sneezes. We're all just doing our best.

Most people are of the mindset that you can't totally avoid sending kids to nursery/going to work with cold, but why is it necessary to also go to playdates in people's houses etc?

Clearly, as people so often say is essential, they will be building up an immune system at nursery/school from colds that cannot be helped. But it's totally unnecessary to bring your germs over to someone's house on a social call as well, and it's a dick move.

I hate this with all my heart. Especially when a child with diarrhea was brought along to play in the ball pool. Very nice memories indeed for the whole birthday party. The mother found this very amusing.

Yes people often have to work when ill, schools do not want children off for every illness as it will impact on their education it's basically a risk assessment. Does the need outweigh the risk.? Going to play dates/soft play /group outing is not the same as education or earning a wage. They are luxuries so of course children should skip them when ill or at least check the other people involved don't mind.

I suspect many people feel that if they're well enough for work/school, then they're well enough for social activities too.

It could also look a bit rude if you let your child go to school with a cold all day, and then cancelled a playdate because of the same cold.

I hate this is have a sil who does this and has no regard for my kids getting sick! Drives me insane so I don't bother going round anymore I had a newborn and she didn't feel the need to say her child had been vomiting before I went over once I know kids catch things but when it's avoidable I'd rather not be around sick people/kids.

Someone did this to me and my son with chickenpox 😡

How is it fair on others for you to come in and spread your germs around? They're then off sick. But I guess it's ok for them to be off sick and not you?

I don't know anyone who is ever off work for a mild cold. For me, a mild cold means I'm well enough to continue doing anything, and I don't think my colleagues would thank me for staying home feeling fine when they're working their arses off covering for me.

annoying playdate kid
annoying niece

I get that you are cross. But what a horrible way to refer to children. Especially your niece.

If you must blame people then blame the adults.

Yes sometimes it’s unavoidable - shopping for food, work if you can’t get time off sick, doctors and so on, but it’s not unavoidable to go to soft play or a play date is it.

I don't think anyone has to stay at home with a cold. I wouldn't keep mine off school or from their clubs etc - I think my going to these places it's known that mild illnesses will be picked up.
I would however always let people know before we went to their house or they came to ours. The risk of passing it on is obviously higher in 1:1 situation, and is completely avoidable for the other person if they'd rather do so.
You never know what someone else has going on in their lives which might mean a cold is a major inconvenience or worse, and it doesn't take much effort on my part to send a quick text.

It just wouldn't occur to me to stay home with a minor illness like a cold.

To me it’s just common courtesy, I assume others don’t want to be sick so I do my best to avoid passing it on if possible. Obviously sometimes you don’t know you’re sick or the outing really is unavoidable, but I don’t take my kids out when they’re unwell even if it’s just a cold - I don’t work though so understand it can be a pain with employers for others.

I don't know anyone who is ever off work for a mild cold.

Quite. Except your mild cold often ends up as croup for my son or bronchitis for me. Surely it’s not hard to understand people are affected differently from the same illness?

Of course I do. However you must recognise you are the exception. I work in the NHS, with vulnerable adults and my boss is fine with us being in work with a mild cold because they impact so few people. Me not doing my job would impact significantly more.

That doesn't mean that the few people that it does impact significantly can't be annoyed by an entirely preventable illness though, does it?

If a child were ill with something more than a cold yes I'd be pissed off but for a common cold - meh YABU. Dose 'em up and send 'em off to whatever activity they do.

Annoyed? No. Expecting people to change their behaviour because of that annoyance is.

For the vast, vast majority of people, though, a cold is just a bit of a minor inconvenience. It doesn't stop them from working, playing sports, socialising or going out.

It's unfortunate that a cold can make a very, very small minority of people unwell but I think it's incredibly unrealistic to expect people to stay home with one. It would just be far too limiting for most of us.

Besides, if you're going out to somewhere like soft play, you could just as easily catch a cold from the employees who have no choice about whether they're there or not.