...to be really pissed off when people don't tell you...

[FedUpWithInLaws]

that their kid is ill before you see them...

Niece has a horrible cold and nasty cough (better not be COVID). We didn't know til we arrived to stay with the family (drove a few hours to get here and been stuck here 4 days). Now DS1 has caught it. He missed training in his chosen sport to come away for a few days, now he'll have to miss a week more to recover. If it's COVID he'll have to miss even more. He has a big competition coming up so needed the training. I'd never have come away if I knew niece was so ill.

Why do people do this? Drives me insane. When the shoe is on the other foot I always let people know 'little X has a cold, do you still want to come?', 'y has a cough, not sure why, but just letting you know in case you'd rather not come', etc ...

DS2 had a friend over a few weeks ago - again he was sneezing all over both DC, streaming cold, temperature. Mum dropped and ran. Both DC caught it. Now DS1 has missed training from this annoying playdate kid, and again he'll be missing it from annoying niece.

Wish people would not do this. or at least let you know and give you the choice?

But if the kid is looking forward to it they will be disappointed if they can’t take part or aren’t at their best! People have different priorities, this is theirs.

Totally agree with you! This drives me mad!

@RewildingAmbridge in competition season elite athletes certainly do avoid people with a colds and bugs.

Do you think professional athletes and sports people never see anyone else's children in case they get a cold? You'd be amazed the lengths athletes go to, to avoid catching infections. We also don't know the degree of participation in DC1 sport - he may compete at a high level, or even just be desperate not to let a team down. YABU to call the children annoying though OP.

This thread alone illustrates the differences of opinion. I’m firmly in the let people know camp. With three kids, even something relatively mild can derail at least two weeks by the time it’s played out across them all and I would never wish that on others from something my kids have. And I also agree with others that mine don’t permanently have a snotty nose, and even if they do, you can tell if it’s just that or proper illness. I always feel sorry for the children who are clearly under the weather and getting dragged around to stuff anyway.

Why? It is to him. What should his feelings, his sport, be relegated?

I hate this too. YANBU

Before covid we wouldn’t have really been son bothered, kids get colds all the time and we don’t keep them locked up, we send them to school with colds unless they are really unwell. Covid is now being treated like a cold so it makes no difference if it’s a cold or covid, your ds can still go to school and take part in his sport as long as he feels up to it.

Yes they could have pre warned you that their child was unwell but they probably thought it was just a cold and not worth mentioning.

When my son was a toddler and dropping him off at childminder, she told me one of her children had conjunctivitis. I was very much put on spot and needed to get to work and left my son. A few days later she phoned me at work to come and collect my son straight away as he had developed conjunctivitis. I was very upset at the time for the double standards (possibly due to the terms of the payment contract) and needless to say soon found other childcare. So OP, I agree, they should have told you before you left and then you can make an informed decision and in my case I would also have had time to make alternative arrangements.

In all honesty anyone who can't be exposed to a cold will also not be able to attend school, go to work outside their home, travel on public transport, eat out, go to the cinema or theatre... It is sad for them but unless they are a very young baby or a frail elderly person, it will not be obvious to others that they should be warned of every cough and sneeze.

In my DS's school they are specifically not supposed to stay home with a cold. Nor could I call in sick with a cold, although these days I could WFH.

My SIL brought her kids to visit Dc in hospital with absolutely streaming colds “aw I know they’re I’ll but the wanted to see their little cuz…”. I was staying in (no sleep) for days. I caught it. Dc caught it. It was horrible. Dc had a particular infection risk, I had to do a whole cleaning protocol every time I blew my streaming nose, Dc was utterly miserable… I was truly angry with her.

Yanbu. My mum had a gathering the other day and my sister told me not to hug my nephew as he has a fever. She said she goes insane being cooped up in the house with 3 kids so came anyway.

and had been feeling poorly for a while before they came away and had been starting to feel better since coming away

YABU

If she’s been poorly for a while and then others haven’t caught it it’s understandable why they wouldn’t mention it as it’s highly unlikely it’s contagious.
I know many people who have had bad coughs and colds recently including myself but it’s triggered by hayfever.

It sounds like your son could have picked it up from elsewhere if no one else is ill around her.

It’s not nice your son is ill but unless you’re planning to keep him off school for 2 weeks before every sporting event then you’re being dramatic.

I think the problem is that people have very different thresholds as to what they class as ‘illness’ and so there can be mismatches, as happened to OP.

Personally unless my child was bedridden, or had active chickenpox, vomiting or diarrhoea or something like that that I’d class them as fine for a play date, if they felt up to it.

My friend on the other hand classes her children as ill if they’re anything less that 100% healthy. So a mild cough or cold leads to cancelled play dates and other plans, days off school etc.

I don’t think either of us are wrong as such - we just have different attitudes.

Or in future you could give people a ring before you go and check the situation and pull out if not happy

Have the last two years taught you nothing? It is unacceptable to go places while sick, or inflict your germ-ridden offspring on someone else without a backward glance.

OP have you said anything? you really must drive the point home that they are selfish fuckers.

Hang on. I haven't said they shouldn't be telling OP. And I would personally. I just think OP might be better off phoning them ahead of time as clearly they have different values.

The point of all this "pre-covid we didn't tell people" bollocks is: they were wrong to expose other people to things like D+V, Chicken pox and colds. And FFS we all know that a persistent cough is more likely than not to be Covid.

Just like the queues in men's toilets suddenly got long because "ho ho ho we're all washing our hands now" highlighted something that should have been routine all along (and sadly, it has dropped off if what i see when out and about is the same everywhere)

Completely agree.

Covid levels aren’t particularly high currently so no a cough isn’t ‘more likely than not’ covid. Actually most people I know didn’t even have a cough with covid..
it’s really not good to try and avoid minor illness on a routine basis, it may be annoying but we have evolved so that this is our normal environment. You’re surrounded by pathogens and you need to maintain a healthy immune system. Missing training really isn’t the end of the world.
If child has a high fever or D&V then yes I’d agree they should stay away (although I can’t imagine they’d be up for socialising anyway) but not for a cold

I think this is tricky.

My baby caught chicken pox from someone who didn't come out in spots until we'd seen them - couldn't be helped but seriously stressful!

I send my children into school every day, knowing that there's likely to be DC at school who shouldn't be, who are more I'll than I would send mine I'm, who don't have good hand hygiene etc but I send mine in anyway. I know I'm taking risks and they're highly likely to catch stuff in school.

That said, I do feel pretty irritated when friends come to mine with very snotty children as it's basically guaranteed mine will get it.

I would absolutely tell everyone if mine were Iill to the point of staying in bed/sofa, had d&v or temp but am not sure how far I'd take it for mild cold.symptoms.

And FFS we all know that a persistent cough is more likely than not to be Covid.

A persistent cough isn’t a common symptom of covid.

I’ve had a persistent cough and cold this week but it was brought on by hayfever as it started with itchy eyes and sneezing.

Completely agree OP. My dc are older now but hated when they were younger and picked up everything due to selfish parents not giving a f##k.

I think I’m in the minority OP as I always inform people about colds and keep my kids home when they have colds.

I’m asthmatic, younger is prone to croup and older suffers very badly with his chest. Simple colds progress very fast for then and the last ‘cold’ in our house ended up with an A&E trip.

I don’t know what other people are dealing with/have on so I always let people know if they’re unwell. Thankfully most of my friends do too.

We spent the best part of this year with illness in the house. It’s just the way it is. I’d rather be home and deal with it there than take them out to spread it around.

YABVU for calling the play date child and your niece annoying.

annoying playdate kid
annoying niece

Its not the kids fault op, that their parents don’t tell you!