...to be really pissed off when people don't tell you...

[FedUpWithInLaws]

that their kid is ill before you see them...

Niece has a horrible cold and nasty cough (better not be COVID). We didn't know til we arrived to stay with the family (drove a few hours to get here and been stuck here 4 days). Now DS1 has caught it. He missed training in his chosen sport to come away for a few days, now he'll have to miss a week more to recover. If it's COVID he'll have to miss even more. He has a big competition coming up so needed the training. I'd never have come away if I knew niece was so ill.

Why do people do this? Drives me insane. When the shoe is on the other foot I always let people know 'little X has a cold, do you still want to come?', 'y has a cough, not sure why, but just letting you know in case you'd rather not come', etc ...

DS2 had a friend over a few weeks ago - again he was sneezing all over both DC, streaming cold, temperature. Mum dropped and ran. Both DC caught it. Now DS1 has missed training from this annoying playdate kid, and again he'll be missing it from annoying niece.

Wish people would not do this. or at least let you know and give you the choice?

People who inflict sick children on others can’t be trusted to tell the truth.

it’s always a gamble, and their wants are more important than yours

Sure if it were just them

but how nice that their want of a holiday trumps OPs want for her children not to be knowingly infected with something

Most likely a cold, hardly infecting them with smallpox is it.

That's thoughtless. I would expect people to have learned a good lesson during the last two years. And your comment to @FedUpWithInLaws was condescending. Training while under par is far from ideal. I'm with you @FedUpWithInLaws.

You may not have. It was selfish then, just as it's selfish now.

Actually I used to warn people if we had a cold even before COVID.

You don't know the other person's circumstances. Maybe a cold would be really inconvenient for them at the moment.

Before COVID I would not myself have avoided people to avoid a cold but I would now because our daycare rules are so strict. A cold means several days off, a COVID test and a doctors appointment before we are allowed to return.

What's "ill" though? Someone above said their child permanently has a snotty nose. Is that ill in your book? Should they stay home every day until that stops?

How common is this? I do hear this a lot that "my kids are always ill", and I do know that many children I've encountered do have permanently snotty noses so I think it's quite common?

I mean they should probably find the cause? If it’s allergies/hay fever then obviously not, if the child constantly has a cold and they’re not exaggerating then I’d think they should take them to the doctors to figure out why they’re getting such frequent infections surely?! When my daughter reacted badly to a cold (on CPAP for a month, she nearly died) they tested her for CF and other issues to see if there was something making her more susceptible (there wasn’t, it’s just because she was premature) but if my child was constantly unwell I’d be wanting answers. I’ve got 3dc, all were NICU babies, DS1 had an inhaler for asthma as a baby, DS2 needed oxygen for a while longer than he should have and DD was critically ill at various points during her first year and absolutely none of them “always have a cold” so I’d be very concerned in that situation.

It's just a cold. It wouldn't cross my mind to warn people. Presumably your children attend school, how do they avoid catching things there? Or at their other activities?

What's "ill" though? Someone above said their child permanently has a snotty nose. Is that ill in your book? Should they stay home every day until that stops?

I think this it. If I feel well enough to go to work, to do my normal activities, work out, Garden, decorate etc but I happen to be bunged up and blowing my nose, it wouldn't occur to be to take a sick day and I think I'd be considered to be taking the piss if I did.

If I'm dragging myself in to work, feeling crappy and need lemsip to get through the day, then yeah, I should probably not be out socialising.

Some people on this thread are saying both scenarios are the same.

Omg I hate this. My friend did this to me when we went out for breakfast. Her 2yr old pooed in his nappy and put his hand down there. She said eurgh he's got diarrhoea had it since last night.. I'm like.... 😫😫😫 sat eating my breakfast next to my 6month old. Lo and behold, who ended up with the shits the next day... ME!!! argghhhhhh

Why did you stay for 4 days? If you were so worried you should have come have come home early. Instead you decided to stay and increase the risk of you or your children getting ill.
Also not sure how your DH going alone would help. He could have caught whatever your DN had and given it to your son anyway.

Why can you not see the difference between things that can't be helped, like school, and things that can entirely be helped, like going to someone's house for a social call?

@FedUpWithInLaws have you tested your DS for covid? If you're so "it better not be covid"?

I don’t get this either - it’s completely different isn’t it?! Sometimes you can’t help it, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t mitigate it. It’s like saying “well some road accidents can’t be helped, so I might as well drive blindfolded while pissed! Crashes happen regardless!”

It's hardly the same. I guess my kids don't get ill that often and a cold wouldn't stop them doing what they need to do, so it would barely register with me. When they are v small you can keep them away from people a bit but older kids are capable of using a tissue/washing hands etc so no, I wouldn't keep them under house arrest any more than I would myself. If they were too ill to get up off the sofa and get on with their lives or they had D and V I'd keep them home.

Little kids often get brought to soft play and snot all over the equipment. It’s disgusting in my opinion.

People do this to us even though we have a life limited child. We have cut everybody off now for this amongst other reasons

Disgusting. I’m so sorry!

YANBU. They should let you know and you can make your mind up accordingly. It's basically saying that your time and plans are not as important as their FOMO for a bit.

If your kids are permanently ill - and I’m assuming you mean with common cold etc, not actually permanently disabled, no chronic disease or whatever - you’re doing something wrong.

Not taking them out on play dates is the least of your worries. Feed them properly, have them rest enough, let them be healthy fgs.

Completely and utterly selfish to take sick children out, or not ask first. Symptom (ha) of an individualistic society. Fuck everyone else, my kids and me first. Utterly depressing.

I truly, truly don't understand why the conversation needs to go any further than this. Why do some people seem so desperate to essentially trick people into hanging around with them/their children when they're ill?!

Just give people a heads up and they can decide for themselves. What excuse is there to not give a friend or relative that courtesy?

Of course they should tell you, it’s really rude. Even before covid, no-one wants to be coughing for days

People not adhering go rules around D&V bugs do drive me mad. It’s only 48 hours or
until the child feels better, why perpetuate the transmission? I assume because they think well my child has had it and they can’t get it again so I don’t care. The problem with colds is that they do have a long recovery time when the child feels fine but has some minor symptoms (ie snotty nose, mild cough). I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep kids home from school or away from social events in these cases. For the people saying that a cold can turn into something more serious for them, you have my sympathies but I don’t think its realistic to expect others to isolate until symptoms are resolved - the majority of people shouldn’t be held hostage by the minority.

No - but equally you can't expect people to stay home for weeks just for a lingering cough and a bit of a runny nose.