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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend

192 replies

JellyTots22 · 04/06/2022 04:33

I am due to attend a party tomorrow (today) with a friend. My best friend....my maid of honour.

Recently my friend has lost a lot of weight, I have told her numerous times she looks great, my DH has also complimented her her. She has previously openly said she thinks my DH is fit!!

Before her weight loss (last summer) she was attending a party with me and drunkenly told me "she knows my DH is obsessed with her" my DH has been a great friend to her but backed off since this comment.

For context I have a very happy marriage, my DH is wonderful!! My friend has 3 DC by different dads, we have her DC for weekends regularly so she can go on dates. We pay for her and her DC to come on holiday every year, we've been friends for 18 years 14 of which I have been with my DH.

Anyway friend since losing weight has changed A LOT!! She has gone man mad and believes everyone fancies her. Literally a man stopped his car to let her cross the road, she then said it was because he fancied her and pretty much stalked him on Facebook, Primary School PE teacher has spoken to her twice because of her DC missing kit items for lessons.....he must fancy her!! She's exhausting to go out with she oggles men, anyone who looks back....they fancy her!!

I have today received 2 text messages off different friends saying my BF has brought a tarty outfit for said party to impress my DH and is quite happy telling people this.

AIBU to think what the fuck and who even does shit like this?

DH has never ever shown any untoward interest in her but she has said jokingly he'd be a great dad to her kids. I've never thought much about her comments well until lately and after receiving the texts today.

I now as does my DH feel worried about attending the party. We've only ever helped her and her DC but it feels like she is trying to make me look an absolute idiot infront of our friends. DH said he'll now feel uncomfortable if she tries to talk to him.

We have a holiday booked with her in August (paid for by me!!)

Absolutely no jealously whatsoever from my side, she's 6 years older than me and my DH 14 years older than me. She is also despite her amazing weigh loss bigger than me. I have absolutely no reason to be jealous of her but I am absolutely dreading attending party with her tomorrow and I keep thinking why the fuck is she going after my DH, she stood by my side during our vows 10 years ago. I just feel hurt and embarrassed!!

Who needs enemies when you have a friend like mine 😩 what would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
JellyTots22 · 04/06/2022 04:38

I don't know how to confront her without looking stupid or like a jealous wife which I am not. Other mutual friends think it's hilarious and call her deluded but I am not finding any of this even the slightest but amusing.

OP posts:
Newmumatlast · 04/06/2022 04:45

Personally I would not be concerned about appearing jealous. It needs to be stopped. Speak to her and tell her that and that if it is a joke it isnt funny and your DH is uncomfortable. He can tell her that himself too. And I wouldnt be going to a party to be taken the piss out of nor taking her on holiday.

Thepossibility · 04/06/2022 04:48

She is no friend!

Dita73 · 04/06/2022 04:48

Tell her about the text messages you’ve received and ask her what the hell she’s playing at

VioletHills · 04/06/2022 04:53

I wouldn't be going to the party today, feign illness. Confront her and cancel her coming on holiday with you. What do you get out of this friendship whilst she gets a babysitter on tap and a free holiday every year!

Original poster
JellyTots22 · 04/06/2022 04:53

I do want to confront her but honestly feel like it will add to her ridiculous ego.

Lying here wide awake with 2 of her DC in the next room who I adore but feeling like I hate my friend.

She has changed so much that I don't enjoy her friendship anymore whatsoever, she's like a different person, but I absolutely love her DC and they only get to do nice things because of us. If it wasn't for them I'd end our friendship.

OP posts:
Original poster
JellyTots22 · 04/06/2022 05:09

Her DC are 14, 11 and 8. The 8 & 11 year old we've cared for since they were tiny babies. They mean the world to us. It would be them that suffered not me.

OP posts:
chickenninja · 04/06/2022 05:16

I would just sit back and watch her make a fool of herself at the party!
It's up to your DH to make it clear he has zero interest.

Eviebeans · 04/06/2022 05:17

You can withdraw your friendship but still take care of the children
They can still come to yours while she does her thing
Do not take her on holiday with you anymore
As she's crossed all sorts of boundaries its time for you to firmly reestablish them
Don't be afraid of making it crystal clear to her

CuriousMama · 04/06/2022 05:29

What an awful predicament. I think dh should maybe stay home? And you should definitely avoid her and cancel the holiday. Or take her DC and say she can't come and explain why.
She sounds so unhinged she could start lying about her and dh.

Zonder · 04/06/2022 05:54

DH needs to tell her to back off. With you there, in public. Ridiculous woman. And you need to remind her that you're a very good friend to her and this is going to stop if she carries on like this.

Dunnoburt · 04/06/2022 06:04

I'd get Covid for the party - but long term you know shes not a friend and as hard as it is, you're going to have to call her out..... 💐

autienotnaughty · 04/06/2022 06:25

If you want to go to the party I would. I would simply say to 'friend' I've heard about your comments regarding dh, can you stop it's making dh uncomfortable and it's disrespectful to me. Then carry on as normal and if she doesn't stop id phase the friendship out. Id probably cancel the holiday too.

MelonsMelonsMelons · 04/06/2022 07:27

You sound like a good friend - far too good in my view, she’s proper taking the piss with the childcare (even if you enjoy having them) and I have no idea why you’re paying for the holidays (do you cover her spending when you’re there?). The stuff about your DH would be the last straw.

I’d make an excuse for the party and withdraw from the friendship. I know that’s difficult but she’s making a mug of you.

4am · 04/06/2022 07:32

Is she unwell?

maddening · 04/06/2022 07:35

I think my confrontation would be to bring up the texts, ask her to explain herself, ask her if she values your friendship at all and leave her in no doubt the dh does not fancy her and wishes to step away from the friendship full stop if this is how she is behaving, including the holiday. Then of she is remorseful potentially give her the life line that you realise that she has lost weight and is feeling extra confidence, and whilst you value her friendship it can only continue if she can behave appropriately, but any wisp of inappropriate behaviour it is over.

And do not tell her which friends texted you, do not reveal your sources, ultimately she is not to be trusted.

Merryclaire · 04/06/2022 07:36

She sounds like a nightmare - I would definitely cool off this friendship. After all these years of being close friends and this is how she treats you? Not worth the drama.

Shame about the kids but you have to put your own family first.

maddening · 04/06/2022 07:36

Ps avoid the party

Goldfishjones · 04/06/2022 07:37

Zonder · 04/06/2022 05:54

DH needs to tell her to back off. With you there, in public. Ridiculous woman. And you need to remind her that you're a very good friend to her and this is going to stop if she carries on like this.

This.

maddening · 04/06/2022 07:39

And she needs you more than you need her, leverage that.

IncompleteSenten · 04/06/2022 07:44

I'd stop spending my money on her for a start.

Your husband needs to tell her that he is not interested and she is making a fool of herself.

She is not your friend. She's trying to fuck your husband for a start! No matter how much I liked someone else's kids, I'd walk away from them if I had to put up with her!

newbiename · 04/06/2022 07:44

Unfortunately I think no matter what you say to her , it seems she's obsessed with your husband and she will put it down to you being jealous.
It's a shame about the children, how come you've taken such a big role in their lives?
I'd definitely cancel the holiday.

Pinot4me · 04/06/2022 07:51

Presumable she will be collecting her children this morning. Both you and your husband should tackle her together… to avoid the inevitable jealousy accusations!

PuffinMcStuffin · 04/06/2022 07:51

I think your friend doesn't sound like a positive influence in your life, by all means continue to offer to look after her kids but pull back otherwise and cancel the holiday.

britneyisfree · 04/06/2022 08:11

She's unwell, I assume.

I'd make this holiday the last, maybe suggest she stays home and you take the kids if you don't want them to miss out. Sell it to her as some time off or something.

I wouldn't be socialising with her anymore full stop if I'm being honest.

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