Friend

[JellyTots22]

I am due to attend a party tomorrow (today) with a friend. My best friend....my maid of honour.

Recently my friend has lost a lot of weight, I have told her numerous times she looks great, my DH has also complimented her her. She has previously openly said she thinks my DH is fit!!

Before her weight loss (last summer) she was attending a party with me and drunkenly told me "she knows my DH is obsessed with her" my DH has been a great friend to her but backed off since this comment.

For context I have a very happy marriage, my DH is wonderful!! My friend has 3 DC by different dads, we have her DC for weekends regularly so she can go on dates. We pay for her and her DC to come on holiday every year, we've been friends for 18 years 14 of which I have been with my DH.

Anyway friend since losing weight has changed A LOT!! She has gone man mad and believes everyone fancies her. Literally a man stopped his car to let her cross the road, she then said it was because he fancied her and pretty much stalked him on Facebook, Primary School PE teacher has spoken to her twice because of her DC missing kit items for lessons.....he must fancy her!! She's exhausting to go out with she oggles men, anyone who looks back....they fancy her!!

I have today received 2 text messages off different friends saying my BF has brought a tarty outfit for said party to impress my DH and is quite happy telling people this.

AIBU to think what the fuck and who even does shit like this?

DH has never ever shown any untoward interest in her but she has said jokingly he'd be a great dad to her kids. I've never thought much about her comments well until lately and after receiving the texts today.

I now as does my DH feel worried about attending the party. We've only ever helped her and her DC but it feels like she is trying to make me look an absolute idiot infront of our friends. DH said he'll now feel uncomfortable if she tries to talk to him.

We have a holiday booked with her in August (paid for by me!!)

Absolutely no jealously whatsoever from my side, she's 6 years older than me and my DH 14 years older than me. She is also despite her amazing weigh loss bigger than me. I have absolutely no reason to be jealous of her but I am absolutely dreading attending party with her tomorrow and I keep thinking why the fuck is she going after my DH, she stood by my side during our vows 10 years ago. I just feel hurt and embarrassed!!

Who needs enemies when you have a friend like mine 😩 what would you do?

Would like an update please. I can say that this definitely occurs when going through the menopause, in my case it wasn’t that I thought everyone fancied me, but I did start seeing actors/singers more attractive than they actually were.

She’s a massive user. I think it be healthy to withdraw. I certainly wouldn’t be facilitating her sex life by looking after her dc.

Tell her this! Well the last para Anyway

I absolutely agree with everyone who says step back from this friendship, because she is no longer your friend and because she is trying to threaten your marriage BUT I am concerned that she's having a hormonal imbalance because of the early menopause and/or is suffering some kind of nutritional imbalance related to the weight loss. So I think any kind or ridiculing her in front of others may be inadvisable. And I think that someone needs to have a word with her doctor (not asking for feedback from them, but giving the info about her irrational behaviour).

What happened then OP? I hope you managed to sort this and still stay in touch with the children x

... we have her DC for weekends regularly so she can go on dates. We pay for her and her DC to come on holiday every year...

Lying here wide awake with 2 of her DC in the next room who I adore but feeling like I hate my friend.

I absolutely love her DC and they only get to do nice things because of us. If it wasn't for them I'd end our friendship.

Her DC are 14, 11 and 8. The 8 & 11 year old we've cared for since they were tiny babies. They mean the world to us.

Absolutely no jealously whatsoever from my side, she's 6 years older than me and my DH 14 years older than me. She is also despite her amazing weigh loss bigger than me. I have absolutely no reason to be jealous of her...

I don't know how to confront her without looking stupid or like a jealous wife which I am not.

... she has said jokingly he'd be a great dad to her kids...

Just a wild , random shot in the dark, but do you and your husband have children of your own?

Take her for a coffee.
This is how you start. X are we friends? Are we BEST friends?
Let her gush, let her really gush, encourage it.
Go on about the holidays, child minding and get her really sentimental,
Then look her dead in the eye, say my DH adores me we are so very happy,
SO WHY ARE YOU AFTER HIM< YOUR BEST FRIENDS HUSBAND,
Then shut up, say nothing and look in her eyes as if looking for the answer to a question.
YOU MUST NOT SPEAK. force her to be the person to answer.
You will shame her by doing this, do not reply, even if she tries to say he fancies her, just shake your head, and keep watching her face.
Carry on till she looks down.
You can ask , Why hurt me like this?
Continue to be quiet,,

This is good device. Don't let her bad behaviour spoil your social life. Smile and greet her and then keep out of her way.

I also think it's perfectly possible to still be a friend and support to her D.C. (since you want this to continue) without being overly involved with her. You can still babysit them and even go on holiday with them if you want to - just keep interactions with her short and polite and make sure your DH is out of sight at pick ups and drop offs.

I would cut her off because she’s no friend.
I definitely wouldn’t be taking her on any holidays and anyone who thinks you’re wrong to do this is insane.

OP not come back? These threads are SO frustrating

What happened @JellyTots22 ?

That was my thought also. If she acts outrageously, then you have something concrete to mention to her. At the moment, you have secondhand accounts from friends of these text. If she does act untoward, then leave the party early.

Sorry, just read you posted on 4th June and it’s now a week later.

I have a friend like this, who I'm in the process of distancing myself from.

It's not so much with my DH, but she's always sleeping with married men, blaming the wives and being dismissive of the children involved. I know the blame lies with the committed men (or not so committed) but when she says things like 'their kid will get over it, he needs to just leave and be with me' about an innocent 10 year old caught in the middle, I just can't stand it.

She's also obsessed with men and thinks they're never at fault, but holds women to a very high standard. Cba with her anymore.

Did you go to the party OP?

Stop paying for her to come on your holidays. Strange behaviour.

Yabvvvvvu for posting this and then not coming back afterwards to say what happened. This behaviour abuses the goodwill of mumsnetters who try to help others with advice and support.

Oh ffs OP wake up and smell the coffee
she is 100 percent after your husband
and just because she is fatter and older than you won’t make him immune to her flattering him

I mean soldiers shagged sheep in the wars so men are really that fussy .

if you want to stay with your husband and family cut her out
Tell her directly that you no longer want to be friends with her

She is a user using you for holidays and free babysitting
she would 2000 percent fuck your husband if he was willing to .

The only person I would pay for on a holiday would be my family and my sisters kids that’s it

Sort of reminds me of Princess Diana - their were three of us in our marriage 😂

Maybe they are your husbands kids. Otherwise I can't see how any man (or woman) would want someone elses kids round all the time. Maybe she thinks that sharing childcare can mean to share your husband too. Just a random Monday morning thought.

Maybe they have all gone away together.

Come on OP. What happened?

Gosh you sound like you’ve been an amazing friend to her and she repays you with telling people she fancies your husband and he’s into her? She sounds a bit mentally unhinged , but you need to speak to her about it and ask her what she thinks she’s playing at.

You've cared for her kids for years & taken her & her kids on holiday with you both for years-& your husband is also OK with that??

I don't know what you should do. This situation is a mess, but this woman is not your friend.