Friend

[JellyTots22]

I am due to attend a party tomorrow (today) with a friend. My best friend....my maid of honour.

Recently my friend has lost a lot of weight, I have told her numerous times she looks great, my DH has also complimented her her. She has previously openly said she thinks my DH is fit!!

Before her weight loss (last summer) she was attending a party with me and drunkenly told me "she knows my DH is obsessed with her" my DH has been a great friend to her but backed off since this comment.

For context I have a very happy marriage, my DH is wonderful!! My friend has 3 DC by different dads, we have her DC for weekends regularly so she can go on dates. We pay for her and her DC to come on holiday every year, we've been friends for 18 years 14 of which I have been with my DH.

Anyway friend since losing weight has changed A LOT!! She has gone man mad and believes everyone fancies her. Literally a man stopped his car to let her cross the road, she then said it was because he fancied her and pretty much stalked him on Facebook, Primary School PE teacher has spoken to her twice because of her DC missing kit items for lessons.....he must fancy her!! She's exhausting to go out with she oggles men, anyone who looks back....they fancy her!!

I have today received 2 text messages off different friends saying my BF has brought a tarty outfit for said party to impress my DH and is quite happy telling people this.

AIBU to think what the fuck and who even does shit like this?

DH has never ever shown any untoward interest in her but she has said jokingly he'd be a great dad to her kids. I've never thought much about her comments well until lately and after receiving the texts today.

I now as does my DH feel worried about attending the party. We've only ever helped her and her DC but it feels like she is trying to make me look an absolute idiot infront of our friends. DH said he'll now feel uncomfortable if she tries to talk to him.

We have a holiday booked with her in August (paid for by me!!)

Absolutely no jealously whatsoever from my side, she's 6 years older than me and my DH 14 years older than me. She is also despite her amazing weigh loss bigger than me. I have absolutely no reason to be jealous of her but I am absolutely dreading attending party with her tomorrow and I keep thinking why the fuck is she going after my DH, she stood by my side during our vows 10 years ago. I just feel hurt and embarrassed!!

Who needs enemies when you have a friend like mine 😩 what would you do?

for anyone who wants some....

She is also despite her amazing weigh loss bigger than me. I have absolutely no reason to be jealous of her

It shouldn’t matter if she’s bigger or smaller than you. I don’t think understand your point there, sorry. This part makes me seem you are in fact jealous of her. You obviously feel threatened by her, regarding your relationship. If you didn’t you wouldn’t have posted this thread.

The comments saying “your DH is obsessed with me” are weird. I wouldn’t like that. So I would tell her straight up to stop with comments like that.

It’s obvious you do not like the person she has become.

You either end the friendship. Or tell her straight that her comments and behaviour towards your DH stops.

I wouldn't care about fuelling her ego, she's after your man.

As much as it hurts, you need to end all contact with her and her children.

Clearly you're looking for an argument. Enjoy yourself but I'm not biting. 👍

I’m not sure your dh isn’t encouraging this. If anyone was behaving like this in front of my dh I wouldn’t need to get involved. He would have told them in no uncertain terms at the first sniff of inappropriate behaviour that he isn’t interested. He also wouldn’t be happy to have said person tagging along on our family holidays or dropping her kids off at our house every weekend. Even if I was a bit soft, he wouldn’t allow me to be treated like this. This whole setup is off.

@LookItsMeAgain you're not nice just in case you were wondering?

She’s a user, with possible MH issues, I mean who does something so hurtful?

I would uninvited her from holiday, but if you and DH can cope I would still invite her DC - they have done nothing wrong.

To be honest I don’t think your friendship can recover from this.

As others have suggested, I´d show her the texts and see what she says. It would eat me up to do nothing, so I´d have to bring it up. Under the circumstances, I think you´ve been remarkably restrained!

Fucks sake.

Please don't do any of this totally try-hard rehearsedly cringe pick-me nonsense.

Sounds like sth from the 1980's 'how to get your man back" glossy hardback which isn't even applicable to you.

She's been acting like a twat, no need to act like one yourself.

Nah just act natural at the party. She's obviously not well. I'd still try to have dcs in your life they need you.

She sounds like she’s got a screw loose. Nobody in their right mind carries on like this surely? I suppose you could just laugh at her, but I don’t get why you’d want to be friends with someone like her, let alone pay for her holidays! Why do you do that? What does she bring to the table friendship wise?

You and your DH need to present a united front in telling her to back off. No insults, just facts - "please don't say things like that, it's making me uncomfortable"; "please stop touching me, I don't like that" etc

Must admit its sad hearing words such as 'tart' and 'slut'. I thought women had moved beyond that 🙄

If you were that close can't you sit down and say your concerned about her change of character as well as it being inappropriate with your husband. If she's been the perfect friend for 17 years and suddenly isn't aren't you worried?

You friend sounds like a total goat (albeit someone who is clearly going through some issues).

I'm hoping your husband delivered a succinct message to her of her behaviour was out of line?

slightly louder than necessary 'oh, Karen, that's an Exotic dress, you don't see that sort of thing during the day very often!! Now, if I didn't know better I would say you are flirting with me, which is sooooo absurd it's comical! Now, where is my fabulous, sauce pot of a wife?

Strolls away.....

I understand why you're angry, but even before I saw the words 'early menopause' I'd guessed that something was at play here, especially as this behaviour is out of character. It might be worth having a very open conversation with her.

@lisavanderpumpscloset

As for the party, time to make a game plan with your DH. Make sure he is all over you, make sure any time she's speaking to him he stops her and says 'sorry, need to speak to my beautiful wife' etc.
And if you get a chance, pull your husband away from her with a 'funny-but-not-really' giggle and a 'we share a lot but we won't be sharing this man' type comment and a dead hard look / stare as a warning that she needs to back off.

Agree with @BeggyMitchell this is so cringe. DO NOT do this @JellyTots22 It's like part of a script from a badly written and badly acted rom com.

@MissBridgetJones

I'm hoping your husband delivered a succinct message to her of her behaviour was out of line? slightly louder than necessary 'oh, Karen, that's an Exotic dress, you don't see that sort of thing during the day very often!! Now, if I didn't know better I would say you are flirting with me, which is sooooo absurd it's comical! Now, where is my fabulous, sauce pot of a wife? Strolls away.....

Again. Nooooooooooooooo That's so bloody naff and cringe and incredibly try-hard. May as well put naff posts all over each others facebooks, saying 'I wubz my hubzy' and 'my wifeypoos is hot as fuck!' and take out an announcement in the local paper saying 'my hubs loves me more than this woman who claims fancies him, but he's MINE... MINE I tellz ya! MINE!!!'

It's pathetic, schoolgirl behaviour that no-one over 15 should be exhibiting. She just needs ghosting. She is NOT a friend. And I still maintain that the DH is secretly enjoying the attention. @JellyTots22 I still wonder why you have not called your husband out for the bizarre 'I would be a good dad to her children' comment.

Good Lord. I KNOW it's totally cringe and I know she shouldn't have to do this, but it seems the only way she'll get the message is to pull whatever she pulls right back at her.

Anyhow, whatever you do OP, good luck. Genuinely hope she gets the msg and backs the fuck off

No, it's cringe because it doesn't work and all it would achieve is to embarrass OP and her DH. Grown adults behaving like petty passive aggressive 16 year olds doesn't make anyone look good.

Someone with the balls to text peolle openly talking about trying to seduce her best friend's husband isn't going to give a fuck about this PA infantile nonsense. She'd see right through it - that it was a stupid plan cooked up by OP and her DH and would decide the reason it was cooked up was because OP was jealous and insecure that her husband soooo fancied the friend.

The only way to deal with delusional people is to be direct.

I’m not sure it’s so much that she wants your husband as that she wants to be you.

Talking from experience here....

She seems to be someone who is filled with insecurities who believes that confidence comes from male attention, and you seem to have a saviour complex and have been enabling her for years.

None of these form a close, respectful friendship despite what you might think.

The friendship is doomed.

The best way to deal with it would be for the OPs husband to say look, I wouldn't touch you with someone else's. You're making a fool of yourself.

I'm not that bothered about how upset someone who is behaving like the OPs 'friend" would be to be told that.

How did the party go?

Hope it went better than expected.

How did the party go?

Her disrespect to you BOTH is astounding after all you’ve done for her and her kids.
She’s no friend and is a user.