Friend

[JellyTots22]

I am due to attend a party tomorrow (today) with a friend. My best friend....my maid of honour.

Recently my friend has lost a lot of weight, I have told her numerous times she looks great, my DH has also complimented her her. She has previously openly said she thinks my DH is fit!!

Before her weight loss (last summer) she was attending a party with me and drunkenly told me "she knows my DH is obsessed with her" my DH has been a great friend to her but backed off since this comment.

For context I have a very happy marriage, my DH is wonderful!! My friend has 3 DC by different dads, we have her DC for weekends regularly so she can go on dates. We pay for her and her DC to come on holiday every year, we've been friends for 18 years 14 of which I have been with my DH.

Anyway friend since losing weight has changed A LOT!! She has gone man mad and believes everyone fancies her. Literally a man stopped his car to let her cross the road, she then said it was because he fancied her and pretty much stalked him on Facebook, Primary School PE teacher has spoken to her twice because of her DC missing kit items for lessons.....he must fancy her!! She's exhausting to go out with she oggles men, anyone who looks back....they fancy her!!

I have today received 2 text messages off different friends saying my BF has brought a tarty outfit for said party to impress my DH and is quite happy telling people this.

AIBU to think what the fuck and who even does shit like this?

DH has never ever shown any untoward interest in her but she has said jokingly he'd be a great dad to her kids. I've never thought much about her comments well until lately and after receiving the texts today.

I now as does my DH feel worried about attending the party. We've only ever helped her and her DC but it feels like she is trying to make me look an absolute idiot infront of our friends. DH said he'll now feel uncomfortable if she tries to talk to him.

We have a holiday booked with her in August (paid for by me!!)

Absolutely no jealously whatsoever from my side, she's 6 years older than me and my DH 14 years older than me. She is also despite her amazing weigh loss bigger than me. I have absolutely no reason to be jealous of her but I am absolutely dreading attending party with her tomorrow and I keep thinking why the fuck is she going after my DH, she stood by my side during our vows 10 years ago. I just feel hurt and embarrassed!!

Who needs enemies when you have a friend like mine 😩 what would you do?

Wow!
As others have said your DH needs to make it VERY clear he's not interested! How dare she go on about him making a good dad to her kids, he's got his own to care for and his wife, her 'best friend'
Personally I'd go, look glam, not slutty, perhaps your DH can focus on tellying you how beautiful you look and paying all his spare attention on you, if she corners him he needs to make an excuse and get away

I'd drop her. Tell her exactly why and say you're uncomfortable with her behaviour and she's ruined the friendship. Do not take her on hoilday.

OP, I am really interested to know how her children have become such a big part of your life? You obviously love them very much and probably wouldn't put up with this shit from your so called friend of it wasn't for them.

Unfortunately, I think the only way to stop this behaviour is to make a bit of a fool out of her. It needs to come from DH and not you; he needs to let her know in no uncertain terms that he is not interested. He can't be kind about it either - it needs to seem like he thinks she is ridiculous.

Hopefully she will need a bit of time to regain her composure and then you can start doing things together as friends again.

PS: I once lost 6 stone and started thinking everyone fancied me - I definitely didn't behave as badly as your friend, but I did make a tit of myself. Now I cringe when I think about it! Lesson definitely learned

Your husband needs to tell her that her words make him uncomfortable and she needs to stop. If you say anything then she might put it down to jealousy and not believe you. It does sound like you’re a bit judgemental of her though. The comments about her children’s fathers, her ‘tarty’ clothes, and her age were unnecessary.

Op she's using your family. You are good childcare and give her kids a life she can't. At the same time she is a vile person. Make no mistake she will hurt your family very badly without a second thought. She's already doing it already, isn't she? She is now moving her trashiness onto your marriage. You call that a friend. You and your family are a convenience to her. She knows that her kids is how she keeps yourll in her life. She will hurt you deeply. Cut her off. I disagree about speaking to her to back off. If you have to address a friend about that, the friendship is long gone.

I have stopped a lot of socialising with her but on certain occasions I cannot avoid her. I have her DC most weekend and their dad's aren't involved and never have been so I have cared for them since they were tiny babies and I am very close to them. She is like a completely different person to the one I become friends with. I pay for her and her DC to come on holiday otherwise they'd not get a holiday as she cannot afford it. We have had some wonderful times but she has changed dramatically. I do think to a certain extent she is mentally unwell because of her behaviour. She meets men some of which I already know and within a week they block her, I dread to think what she says to them. She is also a big drinker this is why I try and protect her DC. We used to have so much in common and have so much fun and now she's like a stranger to me. I feel like if I ended the friendship she would punish me by not letting me see her DC which would hurt them just as much as it would me

It needs to come from DH with you by his side. “Mate, it’s come to our attention from afew mutual friends that DH is into you and you’ve bought a new dress for the party to impress him?”

Thne just watch her squirm. Say, “Maybe you think it’s quite sweet or funny that you fancy DH, but it is also really inappropriate and completely not on. Even if you’re just joking, it’s not a joke. You’re making a show of yourself and humiliating DH. STOP IT.”

I would also show a united loving front with DH.

Maybe you should sit her down and say you’re going h to have a vow renewal in August and the holiday is going to be a second r
honeymoon. Tell her she can’t come!!

Hi friend, I'm really pleased for you that you have found confidence in yourself after your fitness plan to lose weight.

However, your personality has changed from supportive and caring friend to your being disrespectful to me and my husband by your constant insinuations that he is attracted to you and that you want to dress to impress him.

We are happily married and feel embarrassed and disappointed by your unacceptable behaviour.

Unless this stops immediately I can't see how our friendship can continue.

Why do you pay for her holidays?

I agree your husband needs to tell her he doesn't fancy her and she's making a total embarrassment of herself. If she's a good friend I'd be straight and tell her this too, that she's changed. Give her a chance to think about it and go back to her old self, if she doesn't just tell her you're not interested in hanging out with her but will continue relationship with the children. Cancel her coming on the holiday.

She is clearly using you. She absolutely knows that you are her fall back. She knows you won't let her children down. Do you feel good knowing that she thinks of you like this. Unfortunately, you will have to make a choice.

I would ask her if she's feeling alright because her recent behaviour is worrying me. Highlight the fact how ridiculous it is if she thinks she stands a chance with your husband etc. Then ignore.

She won’t stop seeing you because she depends on you so much.

you do far too much for me. It’s weird.

Plenty of people can't afford to go on holiday and therefore simply don't go. They don't expect their friends to pay for them to go. I'm sorry but the first thing you need to do is drop her from the holiday. I really can't understand how she can go on holiday with you paying every year, you don't sound like her friend, you sound like her cash machine. I'm sorry OP 😞

I know you say you love her children, and it sounds like you've half raised them. But ultimately, she's their mother so she needs to step up.
I really think you need to tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable, and either she changes or you're gone.

OP she is taking advantage of your good nature. It sounds like her children are important to you - would you like to model good boundaries to them? If you feel her mental state, drinking and other behaviour means she can’t care for her children properly, then speak to a member of their family or social services.

I think rather than getting your DH to back off you should have both backed off, she’s not a friend she’s a user that you’ve let a little too far into your marriage (by having her kids so much and paying for them to come on so many holidays). Honestly she sounds like a nightmare OP, you have my sympathy there.

Back right off from the friend, and tell her why, who cares if she thinks your jealous? She’s clearly not going to have a realistic balanced view no matter what you say.

It needs to come from your DH I think. "I don't appreciate the attention and you're disrespecting my wife so please obsess over someone else!" 🙄

So she gets free childcare,free holidays and she wants your dh too?
She thinks she's cracked it doesn't she.
Make this the last holiday and don't have her kids every week.

She doesn’t like you, but she can’t stop being friends with you because you’re the breadwinner in her family.

I highly doubt that confrontation will go well. Someone this unhinged is not going to accept it with any grace - there will be the most almighty row and you will be accused of all sorts (and poss DH too).

I would message her that “circumstances have changed and we are no longer able to take you on holiday. We might just about be able to take the children due to lower kids prices - let us know if you would like that”. So the poor kids don’t miss out but you don’t have to put up with this nonsense from your batshit ex-friend.

She is making an absolute fool of herself.

Go to the party and pre-warn DP to be wary of her, and that he HAS TO STEP UP and say something if she so much as becomes verbally suggestive towards him.

I have an 'ex' friend 'bonnie', many years ago (10 maybe?). Similar situation when our DC's were little. She was married, but became convinced DP looked like a famous celebrity-now he does have a look about this person, but they aren't identical or anything.

Long story short, it culminated in a neighbours garden BBQ. By this point her flirting was being picked up by everyone there, lot's of bemused glances from mutual friends, i was even pulled up on the side a couple of times by people who were amazed at how blatant she was being.

Anyway, nearing the end of the evening she isn't getting the reaction she clearly wanted from myself or DP, so she says something in front of everyone along the lines of ''I can't imagine IsAnybodyListening could cook a roast pork on a BBQ or imagine her in a kitchen, far too busy spending time on her makeup and clothes''

DP LOUDLY told her something along the lines i was the full package and could even be a chef as my cooking skills are amazing.

It was so odd!

What i remember was everyone was cringing at her, not me. DP also blocked her on social media thereafter, he hadn't really picked up on the flirting prior, but by the time the BBQ came he realised and blocked her to send a clear message.

Sorry, that was a bit long! And that was the short version!

This in a nutshell. Are you ok with being used this way?

By giving her the same things as you have - holidays and childcare with you and dh she now wants the whole package. Holidays , childcare and your dh..
I predict she will announce your dh made a pass at her. As now she is a fitty he can't possibly resist.

*obviously he will though!!