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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend

192 replies

JellyTots22 · 04/06/2022 04:33

I am due to attend a party tomorrow (today) with a friend. My best friend....my maid of honour.

Recently my friend has lost a lot of weight, I have told her numerous times she looks great, my DH has also complimented her her. She has previously openly said she thinks my DH is fit!!

Before her weight loss (last summer) she was attending a party with me and drunkenly told me "she knows my DH is obsessed with her" my DH has been a great friend to her but backed off since this comment.

For context I have a very happy marriage, my DH is wonderful!! My friend has 3 DC by different dads, we have her DC for weekends regularly so she can go on dates. We pay for her and her DC to come on holiday every year, we've been friends for 18 years 14 of which I have been with my DH.

Anyway friend since losing weight has changed A LOT!! She has gone man mad and believes everyone fancies her. Literally a man stopped his car to let her cross the road, she then said it was because he fancied her and pretty much stalked him on Facebook, Primary School PE teacher has spoken to her twice because of her DC missing kit items for lessons.....he must fancy her!! She's exhausting to go out with she oggles men, anyone who looks back....they fancy her!!

I have today received 2 text messages off different friends saying my BF has brought a tarty outfit for said party to impress my DH and is quite happy telling people this.

AIBU to think what the fuck and who even does shit like this?

DH has never ever shown any untoward interest in her but she has said jokingly he'd be a great dad to her kids. I've never thought much about her comments well until lately and after receiving the texts today.

I now as does my DH feel worried about attending the party. We've only ever helped her and her DC but it feels like she is trying to make me look an absolute idiot infront of our friends. DH said he'll now feel uncomfortable if she tries to talk to him.

We have a holiday booked with her in August (paid for by me!!)

Absolutely no jealously whatsoever from my side, she's 6 years older than me and my DH 14 years older than me. She is also despite her amazing weigh loss bigger than me. I have absolutely no reason to be jealous of her but I am absolutely dreading attending party with her tomorrow and I keep thinking why the fuck is she going after my DH, she stood by my side during our vows 10 years ago. I just feel hurt and embarrassed!!

Who needs enemies when you have a friend like mine 😩 what would you do?

OP posts:
Mamapep · 13/06/2022 09:57

Oh for god’s sake OP, say something to her.

Tell her what you’ve been told and tell her it’s hurtful because she’s your friend.

Don’t just slink off.

IncompleteSenten · 13/06/2022 09:57

I cannot imagine loving someone else's children enough to be willing to pay this price to keep them in my life - and, and, pay for the privilege!

ladydimitrescu · 13/06/2022 10:01

Any update?

Star81 · 13/06/2022 10:01

Sounds like a very intense friendship and the more you give her the more she wants - your husband being the final piece.

You will have to distance yourself and that inevitably means the children too. Sad but you need to break her reliance on you.

Cheesecakeandwineinasuitcase · 13/06/2022 10:14

That’s no friend. Do you have to go to the party? If so then maybe your DH should stay home and when she asks why tell her it’s because she makes him feel uncomfortable and tell her about the texts you have received from your friends about her buying the outfit to impress your husband. Confront her in it. It sounds like she is out to get your husband and thinks that she will get her way if she persists. What a CF.

mam0918 · 13/06/2022 11:07

If what you said is true it sounds like she has deep self worth and self respect issues that only a therepist should touch.

Healthy adjusted women don't throw themselves at all men including their friends partners while desperately trying to convince themselves all men want them.

MrMrsJones · 13/06/2022 11:12

What happened @JellyTots22

AllTheYoungGoodyTwoShoes · 13/06/2022 11:24

She is no friend. Why are you always paying for her to go on holiday with you? Stop all this now.

MinnieGirl · 13/06/2022 11:45

Any update OP?

SettingsO · 13/06/2022 11:56

Yabvvvvvu for posting this and then not coming back afterwards to say what happened. This behaviour abuses the goodwill of mumsnetters who try to help others with advice and support

Bollocks. There could be any number of reasons the OP wouldn’t want to come back and update, and she owes us nothing. Of course it’s disappointing when you don’t hear the resolution of a situation - but to say that it’s abusing mumsnetters goodwill is ridiculous.

Thereisnolight · 13/06/2022 11:57

I think you’re right that she has mental health issues which must be tough on her DC. This isn’t really about comments she’s made about your DH.

Can you re-frame things in your head so that your relationship is with the DC rather than her for now? They probably really need you and you are very good to them. Distance yourself mentally from her without falling out.

If she gets worse you may need to seek professional advice if you suspect she or the DC are struggling.

adlitem · 13/06/2022 12:00

I wouldn't go to the party, and would distance myself from her. She's not someone I would want to be around.

I do however also not think that will be a big loss for you. You don't exactly talk about her very positively generally (mentioning her children's paternities, noting she is bigger than you (you know fat people can attract people too right?) etc).

This friendship sounds over.

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 13/06/2022 13:02

I had an almost identical situation to this, several years ago. The trigger for my "friend" wasn't weight loss, it was her DH leaving her for another woman. "Friend" started paying my H far too much attention, bending down in front of him to show her cleavage, saying that she wore stockings and suspenders to work, talking about sex, and on one occasion she stayed over at ours, and came down in the morning in a totally see through night dress - you could se her boobs , her thong, it was totally sheer. Stupidly, I was quite young and I didn't say anything, whereas if it happened now, I'd go crazy and throw her out the front door. Long story short, I am 99% sure that they slept together. I am not with him any more, because of serial cheating - which is why I assume they did shag, because she was making it obvious she was up for it, and that was the type of man he turned out to be.

I am happily married to someone else now, and believe you me, I would go batshit if any woman ever stepped all over my boundaries like that.

My advice to you, would be to completely close the "friendship" down. She's not your friend at all. She is actively trying to wreck your marriage, and have you watch her children as she does so. You're far too calm, in my opinion.

LAMPS1 · 13/06/2022 13:42

Her egotistical behaviour indicates that she could well be mentally unwell and spiralling downwards. As you have said, any man is fair game for her and she makes no secret of that, even though you, her best friend, and second mum to her children are married to her current target.
I would go to your nephew’s party as planned and if/whenever she acts in any way inappropriately in front of either of you, I would suggest that you and your DH together, take her to one side and ask if she’s feeling unwell, explaining that her behaviour has now become so out of character and outrageous that you are concerned about her, so much so that you would like her to seek help with the doctor. Offer to take her home and ask her to think about what you both have said as she is very vulnerable in this state where she flaunts and offers herself to any man and is obsessed with sleeping them. Tell her that because of this irrational behaviour, the risk she poses to her children is now of serious concern to you.
Try not to take any advances she makes to your DH personally but do both cut them off abruptly and continue to point out to her that her overly promiscuous behaviour and lack of self-regulation means that you are worried for her own safety and that of her children.

I would let her know as soon as possible that you had no alternative but to cancel the holiday as you and your DH cannot possibly be responsible for her behaviour if she is causing trouble like this on holiday.
This is a very tricky situation you find yourself in and you will have no alternative but to cut her off if she doesn’t seek help (or mend her ways)
It sounds like you will do your best for the two younger children if you can. They have been lucky to have you for stability.

sunja · 13/06/2022 14:50

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 13/06/2022 13:02

I had an almost identical situation to this, several years ago. The trigger for my "friend" wasn't weight loss, it was her DH leaving her for another woman. "Friend" started paying my H far too much attention, bending down in front of him to show her cleavage, saying that she wore stockings and suspenders to work, talking about sex, and on one occasion she stayed over at ours, and came down in the morning in a totally see through night dress - you could se her boobs , her thong, it was totally sheer. Stupidly, I was quite young and I didn't say anything, whereas if it happened now, I'd go crazy and throw her out the front door. Long story short, I am 99% sure that they slept together. I am not with him any more, because of serial cheating - which is why I assume they did shag, because she was making it obvious she was up for it, and that was the type of man he turned out to be.

I am happily married to someone else now, and believe you me, I would go batshit if any woman ever stepped all over my boundaries like that.

My advice to you, would be to completely close the "friendship" down. She's not your friend at all. She is actively trying to wreck your marriage, and have you watch her children as she does so. You're far too calm, in my opinion.

Did you end the friendship eventually?

Hawkins001 · 13/06/2022 16:18

SettingsO · 13/06/2022 11:56

Yabvvvvvu for posting this and then not coming back afterwards to say what happened. This behaviour abuses the goodwill of mumsnetters who try to help others with advice and support

Bollocks. There could be any number of reasons the OP wouldn’t want to come back and update, and she owes us nothing. Of course it’s disappointing when you don’t hear the resolution of a situation - but to say that it’s abusing mumsnetters goodwill is ridiculous.

It still takes the biscuits not to update

mirrorballer · 13/06/2022 17:28

It's well annoying when you don't get an update but only because we're all really nosy.

My bet is the OP followed some of the really crap and embarrassing advice and made a bit of a tit of herself.

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