Friend

[JellyTots22]

I am due to attend a party tomorrow (today) with a friend. My best friend....my maid of honour.

Recently my friend has lost a lot of weight, I have told her numerous times she looks great, my DH has also complimented her her. She has previously openly said she thinks my DH is fit!!

Before her weight loss (last summer) she was attending a party with me and drunkenly told me "she knows my DH is obsessed with her" my DH has been a great friend to her but backed off since this comment.

For context I have a very happy marriage, my DH is wonderful!! My friend has 3 DC by different dads, we have her DC for weekends regularly so she can go on dates. We pay for her and her DC to come on holiday every year, we've been friends for 18 years 14 of which I have been with my DH.

Anyway friend since losing weight has changed A LOT!! She has gone man mad and believes everyone fancies her. Literally a man stopped his car to let her cross the road, she then said it was because he fancied her and pretty much stalked him on Facebook, Primary School PE teacher has spoken to her twice because of her DC missing kit items for lessons.....he must fancy her!! She's exhausting to go out with she oggles men, anyone who looks back....they fancy her!!

I have today received 2 text messages off different friends saying my BF has brought a tarty outfit for said party to impress my DH and is quite happy telling people this.

AIBU to think what the fuck and who even does shit like this?

DH has never ever shown any untoward interest in her but she has said jokingly he'd be a great dad to her kids. I've never thought much about her comments well until lately and after receiving the texts today.

I now as does my DH feel worried about attending the party. We've only ever helped her and her DC but it feels like she is trying to make me look an absolute idiot infront of our friends. DH said he'll now feel uncomfortable if she tries to talk to him.

We have a holiday booked with her in August (paid for by me!!)

Absolutely no jealously whatsoever from my side, she's 6 years older than me and my DH 14 years older than me. She is also despite her amazing weigh loss bigger than me. I have absolutely no reason to be jealous of her but I am absolutely dreading attending party with her tomorrow and I keep thinking why the fuck is she going after my DH, she stood by my side during our vows 10 years ago. I just feel hurt and embarrassed!!

Who needs enemies when you have a friend like mine 😩 what would you do?

Your family pays for her and kids to come on holiday with you very year, and you have her kids a lot of weekends? Actually, you all do some a bit obsessed with her, if obsessed means over invested.

Step away.

However, I find your assurance that your husband won’t fancy her because she’s still fatter than you and you’re younger than her… well, a bit pathetic really. Is that what you think of your husband? He’s safe arid women fatter and older than you?

This!

Has she always been like this throughout the friendship. It's quite remarkable taking on her family like this.

Great idea!

Just let it unfold and have your DH ready to say something like "please stop embarrassing yourself" if she's being ridiculous and it becomes necessary.

@Mally100

Op she's using your family. You are good childcare and give her kids a life she can't. At the same time she is a vile person. Make no mistake she will hurt your family very badly without a second thought. She's already doing it already, isn't she? She is now moving her trashiness onto your marriage. You call that a friend. You and your family are a convenience to her. She knows that her kids is how she keeps you all in her life. She will hurt you deeply. Cut her off. I disagree about speaking to her to back off. If you have to address a friend about that, the friendship is long gone.

This. I would be ending this friendship now @JellyTots22 no more dillydallying and faffing about. Message her, and tell her she has crossed the line too many times, and ghost her. You may be close to her kids, but they are not your children, and she is not a family member, and she is certainly no friend. You need to distance yourself from her AND those kids.

I can't believe simply losing weight has turned a wonderful friend into a cunt. She must have been like this deep down, and losing the weight has just brought her real personality out. (Like alcohol does!) Sorry, but I'm afraid I couldn't be doing with this. She'd have been ghosted AGES ago. She is a nasty, manipulative, toxic user who cares for no-one but herself. And as many posters have said, it's not YOUR place to provide financially for her.

Her DC aren't your children - your acting like you're their other parent. This really isn't a healthy relationship. You need to immediately step back. She's using you and trying to steal your DH. Wake up.

Your DH needs to embarrass her at the party tbh to get her to stop.
Don't you get involved, that would feed her ego.
Him making it clear she's being stupid and he's not interested will get her to stop though.

@Lsquiggles

It needs to come from your DH I think. "I don't appreciate the attention and you're disrespecting my wife so please obsess over someone else!" 🙄

Yes very true. I'm not sure what's going on with the OP's DH.

In situations like this, men don't seem too keen to tell the woman that apparently fancies him to back off. I think a lot of men secretly enjoy it, and will absolutely love it if two women fancy them or want them. Woman fancies him, jealous and insecure wife... Double ego points. brushes imaginary dust off shoulder.

Also I am questioning the OP's husband right now.... He hasn't really properly told her to back off, and in addition, I'm actually gobsmacked that he said he's make a good father to her children! I mean, what the actual FUCK? How have you not gone loco on that one comment alone? I would have shown my DH the door if he had said something like that? What the fuck did he say THAT for?

I can't imagine any scenario or situation where my husband would say that about any woman.

Very fucking odd. Yep, ghost this woman, and have words with your DH @JellyTots22 , because I think he is secretly enjoying it. What man wouldn't?!

Well, stop babysitting for her. That would be a great start. Secondly, get yourself dolled up (you’re younger and prettier and FGS, it will probably be fun!) and go to the party with your DH. He can be under strict instructions to ignore her and behave solicitously towards you. If she confronts him (or rather, when…) He can say “You’re embarrassing yourself, X. I’m not interested. Never have been.” I would also suggest that maybe you should call in some favours and get her to babysit your kids so you and DH can go out on some dates.

I think you should go to the party. When she does go too far, then you can bin her off. Unfortunately that means no longer seeing her children too. You can't.have her kids but not her. She's trying to break up your marriage, you and your husband have to cut her off and withdraw from her and her kids. It's the only way.

Go to the party, behave as adults, and let her do the job and embarrass herself.

I’d tell her that you’ve heard from friends that she’s setting her cap at DH, and in the circumstances you can no longer go on holiday with her.

She won’t stop you having her children at weekends as she’d lose her free babysitter, and opportunity to pick up men. You don’t mention any children of your own. Is DH similarly invested in her DC - will she use them as a lever to try to separate you?

You can't put up.with this though. She is not a friend. She has went out and bought a dress to impress YOUR husband - that is not a friend at all. I honestly think that if she had a chance with him she would take it. Again, she is not a friend. She sounds desperate and that is probably why all the men she meets/dates blocks her because she probably comes across as desperate to them. You need to ditch her..yes you will miss her children but what she is doing will damage your mh, confidence, self esteem and trust in people. If you confront her she will say its all a joke. It's not though, she is trying to impress your husband for a reason. Ditch her.

God OP, who needs enemies!

I would personally sir her down and say something along the lines of:

'Is everything ok? I've received texts from a few friends saying you've bought an outfit to impress DP? I'm really worried about the way you're acting. We've been friends for x amount of years, I look after your kids, take you all on holiday every year and friends seem to think you're trying to seduce my DP? Is it true? What is going on?'

You asked for advice in your op but you are unwilling to take any advice.

Crack on with the friendship then.

She's taking the piss too much. She's used you as a free babysitter for ages, and you've allowed it. Free holiday? No, cancel her from the holiday and go with your husband and kids. Don't go to her party - if she can afford to have a party and go out, she can afford her own holiday with her kids.

Put your own family first.

If this is an accurate account then she sounds a nightmare. But you don't actually like her, you look down on her ('three different kids by three different men' and she's gone 'man mad' indeed) so why bother?

You'd both be better off without each other.

@Fraaahnces “Secondly, get yourself dolled up (you’re younger and prettier and FGS, it will probably be fun!)”

Really? 🙄
OP didn’t even say she was prettier. She said she was thinner. But someone like you probably thinks thin = pretty anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’m really average looking, but have had no problems finding men. Is this what you think of OP’s husband? How about OP actually deals with it sensibly, and - like you should - stop thinking no need to be jealous if you’re younger / prettier / thinner 🙄

It’s ridiculous to think OP should do anything other than cut this woman out of her life.

Even if you get her to back off, she still betrayed you and treated you with a complete lack of respect.

Her children are not yours or your responsibility. It’s sad that you’ll lose them but you cannot keep up a friendship with this woman.

I am definitely taking advice and thd holiday's will 100% not continue, like i said we've had some great times but she has turned into a completely different person and i don't enjoy her company at all anymore.

Both of the kids I have cared for since they were weeks old. She works weekends I don't so me and DH have both always been happy to help with the DC they are very nice kids.

She takes her own spending money on holiday but I pay for the actual holiday which I've never minded before.

My DH is not the first man she's become obessed with lately it's been one after the other, just hurtful because like I say we used to get on great and she was my maid of honor.

We no longer make plans as friends and I'm happy with that, I do miss the old her though!!

My DH is constantly trying to avoid her because she's just to much and completely blatant. He is willing to confront her though and tell her to back off. Other friends are also disgusted with her recent behaviour.

She has no other support, she has a sister who she rarely sees, her mum lives about 3 hours away, non of the kids dad's of families are involved so she has no one. I know I have been to readily available to help her out but she used to a lot for me too.

She has recently been to the doctors and they've told her she is going through early menopause but I don't think that would cause her strange behaviour but who knows.

We used to talk daily but I rarely reply to her texts now and when I do they are short non rhetorical replies so I am distancing myself. Just absolutely dreading seeing her today and if she turns up like a tart and I know that's for my husbands benefit I'll want to go mad.

I cannot avoid the party it is my nephews party.

@orwellwasright my point is she never used to be like this. When we became friends she had so much self respect and she was someone I looked upto. Somewhere along the line she has lost herself respect and over the last year it's not uncommon for her to take different men home every other weekend. The last group of woman day we had out was in March and every bloke that walked past she'd say he's fit oh he's fit, she's like something possessed like she's never seen a man before. She was hilariously funny now she's not she's just constantly on her phone texting different men and barely looks up. The change in her is absolutely massive and it is concerning. She'll think absolutely nothing about going after married men and she was never that type of person. For 17 years so was the perfect friend. Now I just don't know her.

She can dress how she likes and shag as many men as she likes without being called a tart but blatantly pursuing your husband is out of order.

These friends who told you this - do you trust them or are they shit stirring?

Your husband needs to deal with it but firmly, no need to humiliate her further.

You don't like her anymore so you need to handle that side of things.

Maybe it'll be kick up the areas she needs to sort her life out, you've been her fall back person too long which is possibly why she thinks your husband is fair game.

over the last year it's not uncommon for her to take different men home every other weekend

So you and your dh take care of her three dc on the weekends while she brings men home.

Dh needs to lead here. Every time she speaks to him he needs to mention you, spend the party gushing over you and showing her minimal interest (never be alone with her). I would not go on holiday with her.