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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

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192 replies

JellyTots22 · 04/06/2022 04:33

I am due to attend a party tomorrow (today) with a friend. My best friend....my maid of honour.

Recently my friend has lost a lot of weight, I have told her numerous times she looks great, my DH has also complimented her her. She has previously openly said she thinks my DH is fit!!

Before her weight loss (last summer) she was attending a party with me and drunkenly told me "she knows my DH is obsessed with her" my DH has been a great friend to her but backed off since this comment.

For context I have a very happy marriage, my DH is wonderful!! My friend has 3 DC by different dads, we have her DC for weekends regularly so she can go on dates. We pay for her and her DC to come on holiday every year, we've been friends for 18 years 14 of which I have been with my DH.

Anyway friend since losing weight has changed A LOT!! She has gone man mad and believes everyone fancies her. Literally a man stopped his car to let her cross the road, she then said it was because he fancied her and pretty much stalked him on Facebook, Primary School PE teacher has spoken to her twice because of her DC missing kit items for lessons.....he must fancy her!! She's exhausting to go out with she oggles men, anyone who looks back....they fancy her!!

I have today received 2 text messages off different friends saying my BF has brought a tarty outfit for said party to impress my DH and is quite happy telling people this.

AIBU to think what the fuck and who even does shit like this?

DH has never ever shown any untoward interest in her but she has said jokingly he'd be a great dad to her kids. I've never thought much about her comments well until lately and after receiving the texts today.

I now as does my DH feel worried about attending the party. We've only ever helped her and her DC but it feels like she is trying to make me look an absolute idiot infront of our friends. DH said he'll now feel uncomfortable if she tries to talk to him.

We have a holiday booked with her in August (paid for by me!!)

Absolutely no jealously whatsoever from my side, she's 6 years older than me and my DH 14 years older than me. She is also despite her amazing weigh loss bigger than me. I have absolutely no reason to be jealous of her but I am absolutely dreading attending party with her tomorrow and I keep thinking why the fuck is she going after my DH, she stood by my side during our vows 10 years ago. I just feel hurt and embarrassed!!

Who needs enemies when you have a friend like mine 😩 what would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
JellyTots22 · 04/06/2022 11:23

@RiverSkater I have seen the messages she sent so yes I know friends are telling the truth. One sent a reply saying basically she is bang out of order and told her a few home truths which I am hoping is enough to make her realise and back off.

OP posts:
MajorieEks · 04/06/2022 11:24

PurpleButterflyWings · 04/06/2022 09:55

@Lsquiggles

It needs to come from your DH I think. "I don't appreciate the attention and you're disrespecting my wife so please obsess over someone else!" 🙄

Yes very true. I'm not sure what's going on with the OP's DH.

In situations like this, men don't seem too keen to tell the woman that apparently fancies him to back off. I think a lot of men secretly enjoy it, and will absolutely love it if two women fancy them or want them. Woman fancies him, jealous and insecure wife... Double ego points. brushes imaginary dust off shoulder.

Also I am questioning the OP's husband right now.... He hasn't really properly told her to back off, and in addition, I'm actually gobsmacked that he said he's make a good father to her children! I mean, what the actual FUCK? How have you not gone loco on that one comment alone? I would have shown my DH the door if he had said something like that? What the fuck did he say THAT for?

I can't imagine any scenario or situation where my husband would say that about any woman.

Very fucking odd. Yep, ghost this woman, and have words with your DH @JellyTots22 , because I think he is secretly enjoying it. What man wouldn't?!

I don’t think he said he’d make a good father…the “friend” did!

Testina · 04/06/2022 11:25

@PurpleButterflyWings he didn’t say that though 🤣

LookItsMeAgain · 04/06/2022 11:28

What I'd do if she shows up at the party today in the outfit is actually laugh. Laugh out loud and then ask her if she's going to a tarts and vicars party afterwards. Or get your DH to do it. Shows he's not in the slightest bit interested in her.

That's what I'd do in these circumstances.

Original poster
JellyTots22 · 04/06/2022 11:35

@LookItsMeAgain 🤣🤣

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 04/06/2022 11:46

I'm glad I've given you a laugh there @JellyTots22 😆

Pickabearanybear · 04/06/2022 12:05

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Ohwowhoho · 04/06/2022 12:08

My first thought was you go and leave your DH at home. But no, I really think you need to stand back and let her make a fool out of herself. Do not appear jealous in any way. Agree with pp that this is down to your DH now, he needs to tell her publicly he is not and will never be interested. Then you cancel the holiday. Absolutely do not go on holiday with this woman.

Natty13 · 04/06/2022 12:23

Given the examples you gave of the man stopping to let her past or the PE teacher having a normal conversation I wouldn't get your DH to confront her unless in response to her behaviour there and then as she is likely to decide in het deluded mind that he loves her but you put him up to it.

I would confront her myself tbh and tell her you've heard what she was saying about choosing an outfit to impress your husband and you're going to be taking some space from her for a bit to reconsider the friendship. After all you have done for her for her to treat you with such sheer disrespect is a massive slap in the face.

Agree with others its not about jealousy its a matter of respect.

UpendedPineapple · 04/06/2022 12:29

Is she working at the weekend or going out picking up men? Surely she can't be doing both?

Darbs76 · 04/06/2022 12:30

Wow. No friend would ever consider doing this to a friend who has done so much for them. I feel for you. I think you need to confront her if she doesn’t listen to your DH telling her to back off. You’re a good friend and she doesn’t deserve you. Not one bit

cherrymax · 04/06/2022 12:32

LookItsMeAgain · 04/06/2022 11:28

What I'd do if she shows up at the party today in the outfit is actually laugh. Laugh out loud and then ask her if she's going to a tarts and vicars party afterwards. Or get your DH to do it. Shows he's not in the slightest bit interested in her.

That's what I'd do in these circumstances.

Awful. She might deserve it but the op and her husband will make themselves look like dicks for shaming a woman for what she is wearing.

Him directly telling her he isn't interested is fine but I wouldn't shame her publicly.

MinorWomensWhiplash1 · 04/06/2022 12:33

This woman is absolute trash. Agree you both need to go to the party, DH needs to publicly humiliate her, tell her he doesn’t find her at all attractive and she’s making a tit of herself.

Then cut her off. You can offer to stay in the children’s lives if she will allow that but tell her straight you don’t want anymore to do with her. I couldn’t be arsed with all that nonsense.

CuriousMama · 04/06/2022 12:44

Good luck for today/tonight?

lisavanderpumpscloset · 04/06/2022 12:49

Stop the holidays. By all means, take her kids. Don't take or pay for her though.

As for the party, time to make a game plan with your DH. Make sure he is all over you, make sure any time she's speaking to him he stops her and says 'sorry, need to speak to my beautiful wife' etc.

And if you get a chance, pull your husband away from her with a 'funny-but-not-really' giggle and a 'we share a lot but we won't be sharing this man' type comment and a dead hard look / stare as a warning that she needs to back off.

LookItsMeAgain · 04/06/2022 13:03

@cherrymax - don't you think that this woman is publicly shaming herself by carrying on the way she is? Also, did I say that the OP and/or her husband has to say what I suggested with an audience present? No, I didn't. Finally, if I'm not mistaken the woman in question sent text messages saying that she was going to wear a 'tarty outfit', so she herself has said this.

Sloth66 · 04/06/2022 13:14

Well she’s not a friend is she? Just a user , and not to be trusted. If it’s possible to distance her but still support her DC, I guess that’s one way forward. Maybe she’s jealous of you and resentful of accepting your support- at the same time as happily accepting it.

jackstini · 04/06/2022 13:18

You have to go - and tell us what this outfit is!

Seriously - go, and your DH needs to make it crystal clear there is no interest. Both by being obviously very into you but also not at all into her

Could he say something like - it's nice to have a female friend where there is no physical attraction whatsoever and no chance of it ever being anything except mates

Absolutely blatant - but not nasty

skybluee · 04/06/2022 13:22

I'm not saying this is what's happening here but I had a friend behave like this and she was going into a manic episode. She lost weight, started socialising more, was convinced people fancied her, wore different clothes, seemed like a different person. She wore bright colours too (red/pink). Drank more, went out more. Said inappropriate (sexualised) things.

It just sounds odd she would be texting people saying she's bought a tarty outfit for the party to impress your DH.

She doesn't sound well.

Of course, it may not be anything like that at all, but I just thought I'd mention it as a possibility. You've been friends a long time. People don't often suddenly change like this..

whowhatwerewhy · 04/06/2022 13:25

Your DH needs to tell her he's flattered she's infatuated with him , but sorry she's just not his type

ApolloandDaphne · 04/06/2022 13:26

You and your DH just need to ignore her behaviour and let her make a fool of herself. Who wears a skimpy outfit to a child's birthday? She will look ridiculous.

cherrymax · 04/06/2022 13:29

LookItsMeAgain · 04/06/2022 13:03

@cherrymax - don't you think that this woman is publicly shaming herself by carrying on the way she is? Also, did I say that the OP and/or her husband has to say what I suggested with an audience present? No, I didn't. Finally, if I'm not mistaken the woman in question sent text messages saying that she was going to wear a 'tarty outfit', so she herself has said this.

I just think it's better for the OP and her husband to come out of this without looking like bullies.
I'm not saying they would be bullying her but others might think so.

I don't like judging other women on what they wear, who they sleep with and how many children they have by different men.
There's been a lot of that on here and it's not pleasant. Focus on the issue which is this woman's fantasies about seducing her friend's husband.

custardbear · 04/06/2022 13:35

JellyTots22 · 04/06/2022 11:23

@RiverSkater I have seen the messages she sent so yes I know friends are telling the truth. One sent a reply saying basically she is bang out of order and told her a few home truths which I am hoping is enough to make her realise and back off.

Hopefully, but make sure you DH has a choice sentence or two if she makes inappropriate comments - are these directly to him as well?

whowhatwerewhy · 04/06/2022 13:46

Your DH needs to say to her "oh didn't realise it was fancy dress have you dressed as a tart ?"

LookItsMeAgain · 04/06/2022 13:48

whowhatwerewhy · 04/06/2022 13:46

Your DH needs to say to her "oh didn't realise it was fancy dress have you dressed as a tart ?"

Waiting for @cherrymax to comment on your suggestion ....
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