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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jubilee Party that wasn’t cancelled

225 replies

BullyBoss · 03/06/2022 14:53

I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable here. I have a friend, call her Susan, not her real name. Susan and her husband David are very sociable. I’ve been friends with Susan for over 30 years and considered her a close friend once although we’ve not been so close for the last five ish, I’ve put this down to covid, etc.

I was chuffed to be invited to Susan and David’s platinum jubilee party as they do throw a good party. A few weeks later the party was cancelled on Facebook as it all got too big and they were going on holiday a few days later. No problem, I understood.

Today’s Facebook is full of pics of the very much happening jubilee party with lots of our joint friends attending.

I’m really hurt by this. I know she doesn’t have to invite me, it’s her choice but I haven’t done anything to upset her. The party is clearly still on but I was uninvited. AIBU? Be kind I don’t have a lot of friends and my mental health is shot to pieces at the moment (not due to this but this hasn’t helped).

OP posts:
sunshinesupermum · 03/06/2022 14:56

YANBU OP. I've been in a similar situation and basically over time let the friendship drop. Flowers

FlippityFlapperty · 03/06/2022 14:56

Can you not post a comment saying you thought it was cancelled and see what the reply is? Or ask a close friend who did attend why it was in-cancelled? Was it the exact same party (venue, guests etc, just minus you?)

Badgirlriri · 03/06/2022 14:57

thats so spiteful of her. I’d reconsider your friendship.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 03/06/2022 14:59

I don't think I'd be able to let that pass without commenting on the pictures thanking her for uninviting me, being stories that so much fun could be had at a party that didn't happen, making her error very public.

But then I don't have or want close friends, mainly because I have found that some people never leave the school playground.

Including me when jibbed 😏

bloodyunicorns · 03/06/2022 15:01

Oh, that's horrible. Really nasty. She must have known that you'd see pics on social media??

I'd post a message on FB, see what she says.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/06/2022 15:01

I would have to say something. Not in FB but privately.

PinkyFlamingo · 03/06/2022 15:01

Very hurtful. Friendship would be over for me.

GrimDamnFanjo · 03/06/2022 15:03

Make sure you Like all the photos...

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 03/06/2022 15:04

I wouldn't be able to let this one go-

Maybe a message along the lines of
"Oh no Susan I am so sorry to have missed the party-I didn't realise it was back on!!"

And let her squirm... unless she is a MNer

Pollydonia · 03/06/2022 15:06

That's incredibly hurtful op.
YANBU.

komoreb1 · 03/06/2022 15:06

That does sound horrible OP and I'm sorry. But, could it be that people descended on her at the last minute? Are you all quite local? You know like someone stopped by with some wine or something and now it looks like a party in FB? But really it wasn't planned? I don't know?

LIZS · 03/06/2022 15:08

Nasty. I might be tempted to put a pa comment

Seraphinesupport · 03/06/2022 15:11

i would commene something along the lines of " oh nice to see you managed to have the party.. sorry i would of come but didnt know you uncancelled it xx"

justfiveminutes · 03/06/2022 15:11

Is the new party definitely at her house? Maybe another friend hosted, or they went to a street party. If not, that's really rubbish and I'd have to comment.

Rekorderlig88 · 03/06/2022 15:12

I would comment something positive
" looks like a fabulous time hope you and friends had a great time"
Make her feel guilty without any chance of being a cussed of bitterness.
It is awful just horrible

BeautifulDragon · 03/06/2022 15:12

Just message (privately) 'Have I missed something, I thought the party was cancelled?'

I bet she will reply that it was and this wasn't a party, just a small, last minute gathering with a few friends.

It's definitely hurtful, but what she said was probably true and it had got too big.

WalkerWalking · 03/06/2022 15:13

If it was cancelled on fb then I would assume that it really did just get too big, and that in the end they went ahead with a scaled down version (and that unfortunately you, along with a load of others) didn't make the cut.

I guess the two of you are not as close as you thought, which is obviously upsetting, but I would try not to take it personally.

BUT it was very thoughtless to plaster the pictures all over fb! Not really the mark of someone you want to be friends with tbh.

Vikinga · 03/06/2022 15:13

Yanbu however, as someone who always hosted parties, it can be a bit annoying when you're the one always doing it. Have you hosted any parties? Seems like she enjoys having parties but it got too big and she had to cull the numbers.

Okaaaay · 03/06/2022 15:15

That’s a really hurtful thing to do. I’m sorry and YANBU. I would consider that friendship done - let it fizzle.

On that note, I’m a low key person, mild and not overly opinionated. I find that people (particularly snobby people who are doing better than me in life) do things like buy me supermarket flowers or Aldi biscuits when they send people they’re trying to impress florist curated bouquets and fancy stuff. It doesn’t go unnoticed. Almost because they know I won’t say anything or bitch about them to others to make them look bad.

Also, at least ask people not to post on social media. Idiots and not your friends. 💐

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 03/06/2022 15:17

I really doubt they would have callened a whole Facebook event just to uninvite you, especially if they were then stupid enough to post photos. I think it's more likely they did cancel, and either:

  1. somehow people missed the cancellation and turned up anyway, so they were forced to go ahead
  2. they cancelled the party because it was too big, then re-invited a smaller group. As you've drifted apart over several years you might not have made the list for the smaller event.

But in the end, you won't know until you ask.

Okaaaay · 03/06/2022 15:17

I should say that I love flowers regardless of where they are from and biscuits don’t see the evening regardless of their origin. But still

mcmooberry · 03/06/2022 15:17

Oh God this is horribly hurtful. You won't care so much in a few days but today it's awful. Presume the FB cancellation was a mass cancellation and not just to you via Messenger? Maybe things escalated again and then she forgot to re-invite you if you haven't been so much on her radar recently.
People just don't think unfortunately. She probably wouldn't realise how bad you would feel and how low you are feeling and how much of a boost a social occasion like this would have given you.
Hope you can find some other people to have a drink or two with today, maybe some neighbours??

PumpkinPie2016 · 03/06/2022 15:19

YANBU that's a spiteful and nasty thing to do 😥 fair enough for them to cancel altogether on the basis that it had got too big/they are going away but to then clearly have a party, post about it on Facebook and not reinvite you is awful.

I'd have to make a comment! 'Oh no! Susan, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise the party was back on. I feel awful not turning up when you have bought food etc'.

theufointhe · 03/06/2022 15:19

really strange that she invited you in the first place if she didn’t want you there. I’d be hurt too

Andromachehadabadday · 03/06/2022 15:21

Sounds like she was honest. She cancelled that party was getting out of hand.

Then rearranged and had a smaller one that she was happier organising.

But obviously, not everyone beat was invited to the first one, was going to be invited when they rearranged.

I get feeling left out. But I don’t think she has don’t anything wrong or underhand.