Jubilee Party that wasn’t cancelled

[BullyBoss]

I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable here. I have a friend, call her Susan, not her real name. Susan and her husband David are very sociable. I’ve been friends with Susan for over 30 years and considered her a close friend once although we’ve not been so close for the last five ish, I’ve put this down to covid, etc.

I was chuffed to be invited to Susan and David’s platinum jubilee party as they do throw a good party. A few weeks later the party was cancelled on Facebook as it all got too big and they were going on holiday a few days later. No problem, I understood.

Today’s Facebook is full of pics of the very much happening jubilee party with lots of our joint friends attending.

I’m really hurt by this. I know she doesn’t have to invite me, it’s her choice but I haven’t done anything to upset her. The party is clearly still on but I was uninvited. AIBU? Be kind I don’t have a lot of friends and my mental health is shot to pieces at the moment (not due to this but this hasn’t helped).

If the party had just happened and you hadn’t had the invited/uninvited situation, would you be offended?

If deep down you know you wouldn’t have expected an invite, then try not to be upset. Though the Facebook posting is incredibly crass and hurtful so you can be offended about that!

You're not oversensitive OP. Most people would be hurt to be uninvited to a party. Other people who were also uninvited will be looking at those Facebook pics and feeling the same way as you. It's surprisingly insensitive behaviour. If you're not that close to her now though, it's logical that you would get the chop when she realised she'd overdone the numbers and was going to trim. It doesn't reflect on you at all, only on her.

That's really mean and I'd be hurt too. I think I'd have to post something about thinking it had been cancelled. But the message is clear, you are not friends anymore, which is sad.

Whether OP has hosted the friend 100 times or none, the blatant rudeness of 'disinviting' stays exactly the same.

I don't think she wants to be your friend ? I certainly wouldn't entertain a friendship after that ffs! It's so Blatant !
At least have the decency to not post on fb ! 🙄

Then surely what you'd do is only invite your nearest & dearest?

Not invite a shedload, then pretend to cancel because you've changed your mind about numbers, & rudely re-invite your Chosen Ones ... then post about it on SM for all the Univited to see?

' a deliberate wheeze' the friend 'is a cunt' a bit dramatic don't you think?!

"Not made the cut" - fair enough
Lying about it - not fine at all

I dunno it’s hard work hosting a party and some people are serial guests - never reciprocate yet still expect their invites. We are only hearing one side of this….

Rather than her deliberately leaving you out, is not more likely that the numbers and size got out of control, she cancelled the party as it was planned, and then decided to ask a small number of close friends for a smaller party instead? It is disappointing when you were looking forward to it, but you aren't invited because you aren't close, rather than it is a deliberate rejection of you personally.

' a deliberate wheeze' the friend 'is a cunt' a bit dramatic don't you think?!

No, obviously.
Clearly it's YOU who thinks so, & me who thinks it's a proportionate response to an adult behaving like a bitchy 12 year old whose power of invitation/exclusion have gone to her head.

If it's too much hard work, don't hold a party.
If you don't want someone turning up, don't invite them.

You're not over sensitive it's hurtful. I was recently invited to friends small engagement party of around 20 people. I thought it was closest friends and family there. Was I wrong. I took a lovely gift and while there realised the wedding was all planned and invites had gone out but I'd not been invited. Another guest asked if I'd be at the hen party and I had to say no and I had not heard about it. We then all signed a picture that was going to do displayed at the wedding. The wedding I wasn't invited to. Left feeling like an absolute twat. Don't know why they invited me to the engagement party.

Clearly they've cancelled the big one and rearranged a smaller one. She was honest and said it had got too big

It is hurtful but there will have been more than you 'uninvited' and feeling a bit grumpy that they didn't make it to the scaled down event.

She has been a bit daft posting pictures as now all those who didn't make the cut will have varying degrees of negative feeling towards her. I'd have had a bit more discretion.

I'd be grumpy too and resolved to relegate her down to second division too.

So for 2.5 years years when you had every opportunity to get together, the relationship began to drift.
and then covid pretty much put that into mega fast forward as it has to many relationships.

She culled a big party and you were one of them.

do not comment on Facebook as if I were I would say

”I downsized the party as was getting huge. Close friends and family only.”

and if you came back and said “I thought we were close”, on the basis of basis you have said about drifting for last half decade, she could reasonably come back and quote precisely what you have written on this thread as the reason why she does not regard you as close!!

When op has her next event she is under no obligation to invite her I agree

That seems upsetting, but I'd always assume mistake before malice - maybe a message didn't reach you, someone assumed someone else had told you etc. In my book better to do that than assume the worst.

It doesn’t sound like the op holds events

and the op admit the relationship has drift for the last half decade

plus it doesn’t say the op posted the FB pics. Could be a guest.

The op was t her nearest and dearest

the op says that they have drifted apart over the last… 5 years!!

Of course closeness of friendship is material

party got too big and too much to organised before holiday
so they decided to cancel
then probably went ahead with a much smaller one for closer friends and family

and the op, whom sisal hadn’t been close to for 5 years was understandably not on that smaller group party

NO WHERE does the op say that susan actually posts the photos

Being honest op

when was the last time YOU suggested a get together with susan?

or even the last time Susan suggested you get together before the big party invite?

I’d make a fb event page and invite her to next years ‘paper jubilee celebration of the end of the friendship’

she sounds spiteful

Pretty sure she would be utterly baffled by this
mention to friends and her husband
shake their head quizzically as Susan had had little relationship with the op over last five years
and then completely forget about it!

Sounds like they did cancel the big party and then just organised a smaller, more manageable, barbecue with their close friends.