Jubilee Party that wasn’t cancelled

[BullyBoss]

I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable here. I have a friend, call her Susan, not her real name. Susan and her husband David are very sociable. I’ve been friends with Susan for over 30 years and considered her a close friend once although we’ve not been so close for the last five ish, I’ve put this down to covid, etc.

I was chuffed to be invited to Susan and David’s platinum jubilee party as they do throw a good party. A few weeks later the party was cancelled on Facebook as it all got too big and they were going on holiday a few days later. No problem, I understood.

Today’s Facebook is full of pics of the very much happening jubilee party with lots of our joint friends attending.

I’m really hurt by this. I know she doesn’t have to invite me, it’s her choice but I haven’t done anything to upset her. The party is clearly still on but I was uninvited. AIBU? Be kind I don’t have a lot of friends and my mental health is shot to pieces at the moment (not due to this but this hasn’t helped).

Definitely comment saying you thought it was cancelled!

If the cancellation was public I'd take them at their word and assume something has gone awry. Call or post a message asking if they're okay and how awful for everyone to descend even after they'd called it off. Kill with kindness.

Not been close for the last “five ish” years
but covid hasn’t been around for five years!
so you weren’t close when you have the opportunity to be

and when you say “not been close”, what do you truthfully mean? How often have you actually seen her in the last five years?

Sorry this has upset you but it would appear that they changed their mind from the original plan (large party) and decided to only have close friends there.

It’s definitely a planned party as I’ve since had a look at David’s Facebook and missed a post from him yesterday where he was getting the garden ready with flags and bbq stuff.

I suspect it’s a downscale and I didn’t make the cut, but as PP said, the party would have given me a bit of a needed social boost.

Oh well, I can’t let myself get too down about it.

thanks for all the support xx

That is horrible OP. Drop her like a hot brick and definitely call her out on it on the pictures.
Did the nasty CF think she wouldn't be caught out?

covid has only been around for 2.5 yrs and the 2.5 before that we have seen each other less than previous so it’s been a slow drift, not helped by covid.

I wouldn't look for the worst in her. There are lots of very plausible explanations that don't involve a deliberate or hurtful intention on her part.

It sounds as though you want to reconnect with this person. Why don't you contact her after her holiday and invite her out for a coffee?

What's with the interrogation, @Intrigueddotcom

The closeness of the friendship is immaterial.
The "friend" invited OP, then came up with a deliberate wheeze to exclude her.
There is no way that the "friend" didn't know this would come back to kick OP in the teeth.

Susan is a lying cunt.

Sorry OP

Do you often have parties and invite her / host her ?

It wasn't a party. It's was a work event

I am confused. Are you Op? The friend?

How much have you seen her over the last 5 years-how many parties has she been to of yours?

I would take her at face value and assume she wanted a smaller do with close friends she saw often. Can you throw a nice party over the summer at your house?

They cancelled the original party because it was too big - that’s fair enough.

Then rearranged a smaller event - fair enough too.

A bit insensitive to post it on social media but they’ve done nothing wrong. You could have always offered to host a party when the original one was cancelled for your social boost perhaps?

She probably just wanted to do something smaller so cancelled the original event in FB and invited a smaller group. I can see why you're upset but was it really just you that was left out from the original guests?

It's all a bit crap and it does really hurt when this stuff happens. Plus them posting about it on social media after cancelling is crass and insensitive to anyone they 'uninvited'.

BUT

You say you're not close and have drifted apart over the last five years. Five years is a long time and they may see it that you've all moved into more 'acquaintance' territory.

Also, and I mean this kindly, they are not responsible for boosting your mental health. They might not even know you've been struggling, if you're not close now.

I would like the photos and leave a bland 'Hope you all had a lovely time' message and leave it at that.

@ScottishBeeswax are you the “friend”?🤔

That’s awful of them. I don’t think I would be too pleased to find out that something is been told was cancelled had subsequently gone ahead.

However, the one thing I’ve learned over the years is, especially when it comes to friendships, never let your anyone dictate your own happiness. I’ve lost far too much sleep over friends that aren’t the best for my mental health (usually ones who are takers, or are self obsessed emotional vampires who do nothing but suck the very soul from you).

Ask them why, of course (I’m a gobby shite so would call them out publicly; go big or go home), but it’s a lovely day. Shake off their negative voodoo, walk to a park, go & touch the trees, find shapes in the clouds - anything. And remember, this Jubilee malarkey is just forced fun because someone’s had a job for 70 years.

My friends are true friends; you don’t need to talk to each other for a decade, but can pick up a conversation just where you left off. And you can call each other bellends if they (or you) are being a bellend. None of this in-&-out-of-each-others-pockets stuff. You know they’re there for you, and you for them, but if you don’t see them for 5 years, it’s OK. All others are simply acquaintances.

I’m not sure how many guests have been uninvited. I don’t have loads of friends and live in a small flat so it’s not easy to compare. She lives in a big house with lovely garden.

I don’t know what @ScottishBeeswax means? It’s not me with a name change fail. This party was never a work event .

I don’t expect an invite but was pleased to get one. I totally understood the cancellation but am quite hurt by the Facebook posts today. I think it’s the Facebook coverage that’s so insensitive, but maybe I’m over sensitive.

😀😁

I'm sorry OP.

I think I would have to ask her.

Op I feel exactly like you in my case friend asked to come round I thought awesome. Kids can all play together do bbq etc. I asked yesterday “oh I’m ill typical isn’t it !” . I think to myself yes typical you’re going to a nearby street party with your hated ex to play happy families. Why lie?she always slips up.

I am so sorry to hear that @BullyBoss , that is just so unkind of your friend. I would feel the same. I would really let his drift completely now, I think. Try and be kind to yourself, this is about them, not you. Take care.

Boris Johnson

Partygate.

Do you host her often? If so that is tough on you if not you can’t really complain

Sounds like they’ve scaled back you’ve not made the cut, no suprising if you’ve not been close for 5yrs. Hosting is hard work and expensive, I’d only want my nearest and dearest too.