Jubilee Party that wasn’t cancelled

[BullyBoss]

I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable here. I have a friend, call her Susan, not her real name. Susan and her husband David are very sociable. I’ve been friends with Susan for over 30 years and considered her a close friend once although we’ve not been so close for the last five ish, I’ve put this down to covid, etc.

I was chuffed to be invited to Susan and David’s platinum jubilee party as they do throw a good party. A few weeks later the party was cancelled on Facebook as it all got too big and they were going on holiday a few days later. No problem, I understood.

Today’s Facebook is full of pics of the very much happening jubilee party with lots of our joint friends attending.

I’m really hurt by this. I know she doesn’t have to invite me, it’s her choice but I haven’t done anything to upset her. The party is clearly still on but I was uninvited. AIBU? Be kind I don’t have a lot of friends and my mental health is shot to pieces at the moment (not due to this but this hasn’t helped).

How does a party get 'out of control'?

You plan a party. You write the guest list. You look at guest list and decide if it's the right length. If not, adjust.

Then send out invitations. If any decline you can decide if you want to replace.

No need to cancel and then reinstate and upset people.

I should have read more than just the OP I assumed they were good friends !

It's a tad worrying that this reference took so long to be picked up although it does explain a lot about the state of the UK and where it's headed. Thank god I'm not long for this world.

Drama llama

op states it was not a work event

clearly that one poster misread

Oh my god.

I suspect they invited their whole friend list and then too many accepted.
Not that it makes it ok but maybe they couldn’t accommodate everyone who replied. I agree it was insensitive to post pictures of the event after ‘cancelling’ it. I’m also sure you won’t be the only one that got cut from the original list.

Ouch. I'd still comment.

Oh dear.

That's rubbish! I would feel hurt too.

Susan’s friend and David have posted on Facebook so far. The party is now so there could be more.

We were super close but drifted and although catch up infrequently now I would have said we were still close friends. Obviously not how she sees it.

Im the sort who has few good friends, but the ones I do have I could go a long time without seeing and pick up where we left off. I don’t have to see friends every week to know they’re friends.

YANBU how they acted was cruel. Anyone would feel a little put out.

it’s one thing not to be invited, but to be invited, then uninvited while others are still attending….that’s not kind.

Did anyone hire a karaoke machine though?

It seems she does think of you as a friend but not a close friend in the way you see her. Some people have lots of friends and are very enthusiastic and make every friend feel special but that is because of the way they are and it can be misinterpreted. I wouldn't call her out on it but I would accept the real dynamics of your friendship and alter your expectations.

It's fair enough for them to rearrange a smaller party but they are dicks for plastering it all over social media and if it's not them but guests they should have had the foresight to ask them not too. Unmumsnet hugs for you OP I'd be upset too.

Uninviting someone from an event to which you've previously invited them is shabby behaviour. It's at best crassly insensitive, even if done unintentionally. At worst, it's pointed, passive-aggressive and incredibly childish.

I think either way, given what you say about your mental health OP, this kind of 'friendship' is not one that can bring anything particularly positive to your life. From what you way in your post the relationship had been cooling for some time anyway. I'd be inclined to let it drift.

I disagree with the PPs suggesting that you simply ask her. I doubt Susan has anything to say that you'd care to hear, and in these circumstances a confrontation - even if done in a light tone - would likely achieve nothing other than make you feel worse. She won't feel bad if you try to shame her, and if she was going in for the grand gesture she might even be gratified that her shot has gone home.

Don't give her that. If I were you I'd keep your dignity intact and quietly drop her.

Not sure Susan deserves all the stick she is getting on here. You have admitted not being close for 5 years. She needed to reduce the size of the party and did not make the cut. Nothing to be massively upset over.

It's hurtful and mean behaviour. They're not nice people. If they over stretched, fair enough, but they haven't handled it well.

This
Susan is a C

So Susan wasn’t the one posting on FB? I’d just leave it OP, and quietly move on.

So when did you actually suggest that you and Susan get together?!

and when did she suggest prior to the invite?

or when did you last even speak prior to the invite?

you are being very cagey about that!

Susan did not post the pics!!!!!

The party thrower is entitled to decide to scale back the event and have a smaller gathering with her nearest and dearest rather than friends she’s not had much to do with for five years.

And actually it’s a party goer posting on SM not the host..

Gosh people are dozy. A government style "work event". A joke. See cartoon.

Mean thoughtless behaviour

So sorry OP

OP, don't be consumed by this. The more you look at those pictures the more you'll be upset. Just block your friend and her DH on FB and be done with it. Resist the urge to look at other frriends' FB too.
You've come to the realisation you're not close friends, it hurts today and will likely hurt tomorrow too but accept it and be done with it. People-gazing on FB is not good for anyone's MH. Now you know where you stand and that's a good thing. You don't need a ton of friends, what's important is that they're quality ones.
Your (soon-to-be-ex)friend Susan was a prick. She could have had that party anyway and told people not to post. That was really insensitive particularly as you have friends in common.
It could also be that she's got an issue with you. You said you've been feeling down but then again, aren't friends supposed to be there for you? Move on OP, don't dwell on it. You deserve better.