Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jubilee Party that wasn’t cancelled

225 replies

BullyBoss · 03/06/2022 14:53

I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable here. I have a friend, call her Susan, not her real name. Susan and her husband David are very sociable. I’ve been friends with Susan for over 30 years and considered her a close friend once although we’ve not been so close for the last five ish, I’ve put this down to covid, etc.

I was chuffed to be invited to Susan and David’s platinum jubilee party as they do throw a good party. A few weeks later the party was cancelled on Facebook as it all got too big and they were going on holiday a few days later. No problem, I understood.

Today’s Facebook is full of pics of the very much happening jubilee party with lots of our joint friends attending.

I’m really hurt by this. I know she doesn’t have to invite me, it’s her choice but I haven’t done anything to upset her. The party is clearly still on but I was uninvited. AIBU? Be kind I don’t have a lot of friends and my mental health is shot to pieces at the moment (not due to this but this hasn’t helped).

OP posts:
Oceanus · 04/06/2022 11:58

OP, I think you're a very mature person and I hope to, one day, get to where you are now! I think you've made a very wise decision.

Whereverilaymycat · 04/06/2022 12:01

@Oceanus I agree. I really liked a pp saying assume mistake not malice. It's easy to get carried away in the first flush of hurt and anger.

Mossley · 04/06/2022 17:39

I like your style :-)

AngFreda · 04/06/2022 17:43

Drop her as a friend, no explanation, nothing. Avoid all contact like the plagues she's done the same to you.

amccabe15 · 04/06/2022 17:44

You don't need 'friends' like this. Ignore her, move on and join a friendship group (online if necessary). Whatever you decide to do, don't let it eat away at you, it's not worth it.

Cosmos123 · 04/06/2022 17:48

They cancelled the party and then just invited a smaller amount of people.

Don't think it was intentional but still not nice to experience.
Maybe you should reconsider the friendship.

user1472151176 · 04/06/2022 17:48

I feel your pain. I've had this happen to me before and it made me question everything about myself. A group of girls gradually pushed me out of the circle and just stopped inviting me to things and including me in plans. To this day i honestly dont believe i did anything wrong. Im not confrontational at all. I was new to the area and didn't have any other friends locally. It hurt a lot. Keep smiling and try to move forward.

VerifiedBot2351 · 04/06/2022 17:52

I would not be contacting her again. You’ll always be hurt by this, so I don’t see how you could still be friends.

AnnHedonia · 04/06/2022 18:07

I'm generally not a fan of blocking, but in this instance it sounds like these people deserve it. They're not real friends OP, and that was a really shitty way to treat you. I'd have been hurt too.

L1SG · 04/06/2022 18:09

Don’t let this worry you…. sometimes things happen and we assume all sorts of things when the truth is very different. Just like the pics and say sorry you missed such a lovely party…… it would have been great to catch up with everyone.
If she has an ounce of decency she will reach out and explain. I’d she doesn’t then just move on and focus on the friends and family who love you 😍

AdmiralButterfly · 04/06/2022 18:10

I would passive aggressively like and comment on every picture

Stoic123 · 04/06/2022 18:14

Op- I like your approach. You'll soon see how the land lies from her response to your coffee invitation. You seem like a good person too.

OhmygodDont · 04/06/2022 18:14

Thing is the party was too big Susan cancelled. Clearly then made a smaller quest list. Susan didn’t post of the picture on social media for the op to see others did. Susan did no wrong in scaling back a party she didn’t rub it in ops face or anything. Other did and as op said they haven’t really been close close for 5 years.

Ginandtonics · 04/06/2022 18:30

Mistakenly I pushed YABU but you are not being unreasonable, it's a really upsetting thing to happen. I'd go with whoever said, post on her page you're sorry you missed it as you didn't realise it was back on. Let her squirm. After that, sadly friendship over 🙁

TooMuchToblerone · 04/06/2022 18:30

People can be thoughtless. We had friends who uninvited us from a party. It was an outdoor event and when the forecast showed rain they rescinded our invite as they were worried everyone might not fit indoors. As far as I know we were the only ones uninvited. No other reason, nothing had happened except rain and we were dropped. Was horrid as it was a daytime party (whole families invited) and our DC who were young were so looking forward to it. They see themselves as classy but you don’t get much more crass than that.
Sorry this happened to you OP and you’ve acted with dignity.

Murdoch1949 · 04/06/2022 18:33

Terribly rude thing to do, and cowardly. To lie that the party was cancelled is unforgivable, they should have been upfront and said the party had got too big and they needed to uninvite some and hoped you would understand, and let's get together soon etc. You must feel very hurt about this underhand behaviour and wonder what you have done to deserve this shoddy treatment. You maybe need to reflect on your friendship, is it really a friendship, you certainly haven't been treated like a friend. I do think you need to address this with her, maybe saying that you saw the photos on FB and was surprised as you had been told the party was cancelled. Then she can respond and you can decide what to do in the future. You have been treated very unkindly and do not deserve this.

GoodThinkingMax · 04/06/2022 18:38

I don’t expect an invite but was pleased to get one. I totally understood the cancellation but am quite hurt by the Facebook posts today. I think it’s the Facebook coverage that’s so insensitive, but maybe I’m over sensitive.

No, you're human! That's very hurtful @BullyBoss Flowers

I think this friendship is over, so if you are brave enough, you have very little to lose by contacting her and saying something along the lines of what PP suggest.

But - don't say much about how you feel - don't give her that power over you. Ask her if you'd made a mistake and the party was still on. Put the ball in her court - make her explain her behaviour.

She may not answer, but you have very little to lose in this situation.

Boobylicoous · 04/06/2022 18:52

I think its very respectful to uninvite you especially as you have been friends for long time..my advice would be move on & learn from this. In my experience ppl move at there own paces.

Suja1 · 04/06/2022 18:53

It's happened to me before. Very hurtful. I found it happened more when the children were young and people I'd met through them never really became the friends I thought they were. As I've got older, I've realised that there are very few people in life to call true friends, most are just acquaintances. In this way, I'm less likely to be disappointed.

Lagertha6 · 04/06/2022 19:04

What a mean person. I'd take your gift back.

Kezzie200 · 04/06/2022 19:10

We're there friends there. It wasn't a street party that ended up replacing the original private party was it?

A friend of mine wasn't doing anything until the whole housing estate seemed to vote her the person to arrange one! She said she would but it would involve everyone on estate to bring own chairs, a table and some food!

Lily4444 · 04/06/2022 19:11

I don’t think it’s worth saying anything but I’d let this friendship drop. She can’t claim your friends and then just exclude you from events. I would just leave it and not message her at all. I know you’ve said you don’t have many friends but it’s better to have a few friends than shitty ones

Themother1969 · 04/06/2022 19:11

Leave it alone. I understand your feelings are hurt, but it's not worth your energy,she has proven she is not worthy of your friendship. She will miss you at one point,people like her always do when their other friendships die out. In my opinion do not beg for anyone especially for hurt feelings. She is a adult she is aware of excluding you. Forget her and live your best life. She has shown you her true self.

fetchacloth · 04/06/2022 19:12

YANBU OPFlowers
That's so mean and spiteful.
I would out them on FB and be done with it.😡

cobden28 · 04/06/2022 19:16

She doesn't want your friendship any more; so just cut her out of your life and break off all contact with her. That's what I'd do.