When does it get easier ?

[cucurucu]

I see posts like this from time to time.

When does this parenthood thing get easier ? It's so absolutely relentless right now. 2 and a half year old and a 5 week old.

What's the deal ? I am literally not enjoying any of it and I feel terrible saying that, as I'm so lucky my children have their health. But I literally open my eyes in the morning and don't know how I'll get through each day. I just hate each day, really.

When does it get easier?

When the youngest can play with the oldest

That’s a tough stage, OP. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Any plans for childcare for the older one, even if only for a couple of days?

She's already in child care a few days a week. But it's still so hard !

So when the youngest is around 1, or later ?

I'd say when they are both at school or certainly eldest at school and youngest at nursery, you start getting a bit of time back for yourself.

When it gets easier depends largely on how you raise them (disabilities/ neurodiverse conditions aside). The earlier you put the work in in making them become helpers/ develop independence, the easier you will find life early on.

For now, it is a slog. Both your children are young and fully/ mostly dependent on you for everything. But a 2.5-y.o. for example can help out with little things, even if they will take ages to start with. Putting a few toys into a box or washing into a washing basket. Unclipping some washing from a washing line. Decking the table.

I made sure mine were able to get dressed from a very early age. I'd lay out the clothes and they'd be dressed by the time I was out of the shower. They're all very little things, but it helped me enjoy them so much, even as a single mothet with all the slog.

Aged 3 they started helping me cook, by doing little things like chopping very soft food, such as mushrooms. Again, the first few times took ages, but they soon cracked it and now (Y1 and teen) help with all sort of things. I also have had them help clean up spillages etc. as soon as they could. Yes, the first few times I'd have to wipe again after them, but they soon got in the habit.

The less you do by yourself, the more you will be able to enjoy time together and/ or by yourself. But I have seen it all, from almost fully independent kids age 6 to still fully dependent 19-y.o.

Should have also said - Sorry your finding it tough toddler and baby is the hardest combo in my experience but it doesn't last forever each phase has its tough buts but I found pre school years the hardest personally.

You're at about the toughest bit there is right now (assuming you stick at 2 that is!) Yes when they start playing together it gets quite a lot easier, and you can go things that they both enjoy then too -so yes when the little one is about a year old. Before then, you just muddle through, do some childcare swaps with friends if you can for the older one. It should also get a bit easier before then at nights at least, once your baby is sleeping a bit better

Sorry but not till the youngest is 4-5. It will get fractionally better even before that but real improvement in quality of life comes then. Having said that, you will have an easier and better time with your kids later if from about 3 you work hard at making them as independent as possible. With their own dressing, shoes, tidying up, bringing plat to dishwasher, getting own drinks and fruit/snacks, going to other people without fuss, going to bed on time and without you staying with them, all that stuff. I have 4 very close in age and it’s been necessary to help them all be very independent but I see other mums with kids who haven’t had to do that and their kids are a lot more demanding.

Oh I'm not having more !!! This is enough for sure. I salute anyone able to handle more !

Mine are 6 nearly 7 and 3 nearly 4 and it's not got easier yet and I hate school holidays They just argue with each other and need constant entertainment it's draining me and my partner and I'm seriously considering paying out for some extra summer holiday clubs for them because

And I'll be Frank

6-7 weeks of it is hell on earth 🤦🏻‍♀️

You’re in the hardest stage I would say. Mine are 3.5 and 5 now and it’s easier. I can sit them both in different rooms with an iPad each and have a cupa at least for about 40 min!

Totally agree. My 7 yr old can make eggs on toast or noodles and Asian soup for all the others when needed (she wants to sometimes even). And she can make me a great cup of tea or coffee which honestly is the one thing that really makes things better😂

You're absolutely in the trenches right now. Toddler + baby is defo the hardest stage in my opinion (but then again, I never had twins....!)

This is the stage that you just have to survive. 8-12 weeks can be a bit easier in some ways. 4-8 months is often quite calm. My youngest is three now, and I don't just love my kids, I actually love parenting, which was not the case a few years ago.

Let’s just say that you’re in probably the most challenging bit. Newborns take up pretty much all a mother’s time! And that period of transition from one child to two can be a big adjustment for parents and first child.

I needed about 6 months to adjust in that I stopped feeling stressed that I couldn’t give one or the other my undivided attention. (The firstborn on the other hand has never gotten past it 😂)

And of course it eases up as baby’s needs reduce from constant to most to some.

Just remember that if it feels exhausting and chaotic, that’s normal and it will ease up. xx

2.5 to 3 and up is when I start to enjoy it. I’ve got 3 kids and the stage you’re at is a bit relentless, I really didn’t like it either. I say this as someone who loves parenting and being with my kids, it’s definitely not just you - this is just a really difficult stage.

I felt it truly got easier around 5&7 ish. They finally slept through. (My eldest woke up a bit till she was 7)

but truly truly got easier at 7&9.

5 weeks old is a tough moment. You've got about another 1-2 years of it being really hard but it will gradually improve over this time. It is very difficult. Aim for little one being 6 months and things will be up from there

Did you enjoy just having the one at all?

I'm enjoying it a lot but here's what I put it mostly down to:

having just one to watch, think about, cater for, listen to or be touched by etc.

having a very supportive and helpful husband and father

not being in full-time work

I'm very fortunate. I think juggling full-time work and motherhood is practically impossible, from what I've heard from others and knowing I couldn't do it, I just don't have the capacity.

Obviously a good father is huge. So many men seem to not be bothered about being dads.

I also think having a stay at home parent makes things a lot easier. You can split responsibilities and take pressure off to clean/earn and each can just do one of those mainly and then be a hands on parent and have downtime.

When you're both working full-time with more than one child and/or you have a dad who does F-all, I can see how that's unbearable.

There was a huge thread a few months ago where the vast majority said teenagers are the hardest, by far.

(can’t advise, I am staunchly childfree, I would despise every second of parenthood.)

I don’t think it does get easier or maybe it depends on the kids, mine don’t play together they just fight, it’s constant fighting and bickering and constantly having to separate them 😥

Never😁

I'm on Mat leave... I dread going back.

I found one very hard and never wanted a second one, but my husband persuaded me that we should have a second so our daughter wouldn't be alone.

Working full time with one, was a massive challenge as my husband isn't around a lot because of work. Not sure how it will go when I try to go back to work with two ? Nervous breakdown probably !

When they leave home!

It's a couple of years until they can make their own breakfast in the morning. Game changer. Hang in there OP. I felt the same. Now my youngest is soon to start secondary school and we feel like we are getting our lives back. It's progressively easier each year (bar major life events or health conditions)