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Original poster

When does it get easier ?

183 replies

cucurucu · 02/06/2022 13:43

I see posts like this from time to time.

When does this parenthood thing get easier ? It's so absolutely relentless right now. 2 and a half year old and a 5 week old.

What's the deal ? I am literally not enjoying any of it and I feel terrible saying that, as I'm so lucky my children have their health. But I literally open my eyes in the morning and don't know how I'll get through each day. I just hate each day, really.

When does it get easier?

OP posts:
RoseGoldEagle · 02/06/2022 15:18

2.5 and newborn is so so hard. For me, when oldest was 3 years and second 6 months, it was a lot better- still hard but both just slightly easier ages. Hard again once second reached about 18 months, and I stupidly had a third, but for me each has got steadily easier from the age of 3. Hang in there OP!

RoseGoldEagle · 02/06/2022 15:19

That is I’m glad I had a third but it was hard!!

Spohn · 02/06/2022 15:19

Wow, your husband has some nerve, wanting a second kid when he doesn’t even do any parenting. Why would he think your daughter would be alone-he thinks in the future that she’d have no friends or spouse?

He needs to step up and be a functioning parent and household member, he can’t palm off his lifestyle choices entirely on to you to run the house and raise his kids for him. Ridiculous.

PinkSyCo · 02/06/2022 15:21

Well it definitely gets easier when babies are sleeping through the night. Sleep deprivation is hellish!

Fireyflies · 02/06/2022 15:27

Teenagers are hard in a completely different way - parenting them is challenging, sometimes really scary, unpredictable. But it's nothing like as full on draining day in day out as a baby and a toddler.

Do talk to your DH OP and tell him how hard you're finding it all and see if he can step up more to help - he ought to be taking the toddler out and about at weekends or even taking them both out for an hour or two to give you a break.

Lostlostlost3 · 02/06/2022 15:28

I'm going to be honest with you. Mine are now 3 and 8 months old and I hate it, I find each day so, so hard and dread having to get up. It's relentless. I never expected to find it so tough. I found one quite easy as there was always some down time, but two is a different ball game.

Givemeallthegin8 · 02/06/2022 15:28

Sounds tough . That age gap is so hard. I find when youngest reaches 3, it gets so much easier . Then when they reach four it becomes easier again .

AliceW89 · 02/06/2022 15:40

*I found one very hard and never wanted a second one, but my husband persuaded me that we should have a second so our daughter wouldn't be alone.

Working full time with one, was a massive challenge as my husband isn't around a lot because of work. Not sure how it will go when I try to go back to work with two ? Nervous breakdown probably*

If he was the one desperate for a second why is he getting away with pretty much zero parenting?

IrishMamaMia · 02/06/2022 15:40

I had a similar age gap. I think it's really early days for you and you're probably all finding your feet as a family of four.
I 'rested' when my older one had nursery, ensured I did some enjoyable things while baby was sleeping and met friends etc. so my cup was a bit full.
At weekends we ensured the bg toddler had activities like softplay. They're pre - school and reception age now and while it can be challenging in some ways they are much more independent and we're all getting more rest. I find it easier to carve more time for myself too now.

Jubileeeeeeee · 02/06/2022 15:42

You are in the most difficult phase, once my youngest was three and a bit and the others were in school it got so much easier. Once the youngest went to school I found things really enjoyable.

lifecanbehardattimes · 02/06/2022 16:39

I found it relatively easy with babies and toddlers (possibly I was lucky). However, the stress of teenagers is something else. It could be my own issue though, but my worry, at times, is through the roof!

Original poster
cucurucu · 02/06/2022 19:03

Thanks everyone for the encouraging comments.

OP posts:
Philisophigal · 02/06/2022 19:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

FreezyFreezy · 02/06/2022 19:40

17 months between my dc and the first year or two was hell. I hated every bit of it and won't ever go back there again!

It got easier when dc 2 could move around and eat solid food; then with each step towards greater independence came greater freedom from the drudgery.

My dc are 9 & 11 now and whilst life isn't easy it's not as difficult as when they were babies. I am dreading the teen years though...

Hardbackwriter · 02/06/2022 19:42

I have the same age gap - they're now nearly four and 16 months, so I'm a bit over a year further on from you, and it's already so, so much easier. And visibly getting easier. The little one learning to walk well has been a big help, I remember that him starting to eat solids was also a massive step forward and him sleeping through the night at least some of the time was the biggest so far. It doesn't always feel like it because there are new challenges at the same time, but when I stop and remember what it was like a year ago I know that it's much easier now!

Original poster
cucurucu · 02/06/2022 19:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

At least you get to go to the toilet on your own ?? I hope ??

OP posts:
RupertTheCat · 02/06/2022 19:46

This is the hardest phase. I had my second when my oldest was 2.5, it was also weeks before the first lockdown so we were stuc inside endlessly.

I am finally just getting into a good space with them now. I’m daydreaming about this time next year when I feel like the youngest will be that much older/mature/potty trained/better at communicating etc. Hang in there!

MistyFrequencies · 02/06/2022 19:51

Mine are 5 and 3.5 now and easy as. Both were committed non-sleepers as baby's though so nearly fucking killed me. They've been playing together for about 3hrs now. Not a peep out of them.

Giraffesandbottoms · 02/06/2022 19:53

Mine hve a similar age gap and I now they are nearly 2 and nearly 4 they play together soooooo much and it’s delightful to watch. Even when they squabble it’s delightful. so don’t worry about that.

your husband is a total dick though!!!!!! If you found one very hard then two was probably not the best idea but it WILL get easier, you will be alright. And your husband needs to shoulder the load more given that this was his idea

MassiveSalad22 · 02/06/2022 19:57

Oh your kids are utterly mini 😍

Once the youngest turned 4 I found things got noticeably hugely easier. They’re 7 and 4.5 now, but now the youngest is 8 weeks old as I had another one😄 so only got 5 months of easy bigger-kid bliss. But now I know that the toddler phase is over easier and 4 seems like a new chapter PLUS then they go to schooooool! 🙌🏻🙌🏻

MassiveSalad22 · 02/06/2022 19:57

*over quickly

staryellow · 02/06/2022 19:58

ThrallsWife · 02/06/2022 14:26

When it gets easier depends largely on how you raise them (disabilities/ neurodiverse conditions aside). The earlier you put the work in in making them become helpers/ develop independence, the easier you will find life early on.

For now, it is a slog. Both your children are young and fully/ mostly dependent on you for everything. But a 2.5-y.o. for example can help out with little things, even if they will take ages to start with. Putting a few toys into a box or washing into a washing basket. Unclipping some washing from a washing line. Decking the table.

I made sure mine were able to get dressed from a very early age. I'd lay out the clothes and they'd be dressed by the time I was out of the shower. They're all very little things, but it helped me enjoy them so much, even as a single mothet with all the slog.

Aged 3 they started helping me cook, by doing little things like chopping very soft food, such as mushrooms. Again, the first few times took ages, but they soon cracked it and now (Y1 and teen) help with all sort of things. I also have had them help clean up spillages etc. as soon as they could. Yes, the first few times I'd have to wipe again after them, but they soon got in the habit.

The less you do by yourself, the more you will be able to enjoy time together and/ or by yourself. But I have seen it all, from almost fully independent kids age 6 to still fully dependent 19-y.o.

Are we meant to take this in jest, @ThrallsWife ?
genuine question

neverbeenskiing · 02/06/2022 20:00

My youngest is 3.5 years old now. Some days are still hard but overall life is getting easier. No more changing nappies or faffing about with bottles, we don't have to cart a big bag of stuff with us everywhere, he can communicate his needs and I can bribe him with snacks if I'm really desperate for 5 minutes peace!

I felt much like you do, OP, but I can see light at the end of the tunnel now.

FLOWER1982 · 02/06/2022 20:05

Hmm I wouldn’t like to answer that!!

DashboardConfessional · 02/06/2022 20:07

Teenagers are hard in a completely different way - parenting them is challenging, sometimes really scary, unpredictable. But it's nothing like as full on draining day in day out as a baby and a toddler.

My mum agrees with this. I do not yet have a teenager but given my struggles with parenting mainly stem from a) getting up at a time starting with a 6 on it every morning for 4 years and b) not being able to go to the toilet without hearing an almighty crash from the next room, I am 90% sure I will cope better with an older child.

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