When does it get easier ?

[cucurucu]

I see posts like this from time to time.

When does this parenthood thing get easier ? It's so absolutely relentless right now. 2 and a half year old and a 5 week old.

What's the deal ? I am literally not enjoying any of it and I feel terrible saying that, as I'm so lucky my children have their health. But I literally open my eyes in the morning and don't know how I'll get through each day. I just hate each day, really.

When does it get easier?

3.5 years old is definitely a marked ease. It’s when children are able to start impulse control. Then I found age 6 amazing. It’s like a mini adult you can chat and potter with. They’re fully rational then ime.

Mine had the same age gap. No real help. I put DC1 in nursery pt at three months and DC2 at four months but still so hard.
Hand on heart, easier from when DC2 turned three and DC1 went to school.
They're 19 and 17 now. Those early days were still the hardest by far.

I think you’re probably in the worst bit! That’s sounds so tough. But seeing family sibling sets playing together it does help loads to have 2 close in age and they will play together. I have 9 years between mine and it’s hard as they have different needs but easier in sone ways as older one can entertain little one and also has his own life a bit more so goes off and does things with fiends. I’d say it’ll get easier for you from littlest being around 1 but really depends how good they both are at sleeping. Then properly easier from youngest 2 when they can talk/interact more. There are a lot of times I wished my oldest had a sibling to talk at rather than me ( constantly…) 😂.

I found it noticeably easier once the youngest hit 2.5 and was talking ok, then they played together and it's lovely!
I also had them both in nursery a few mornings a week then and that gave me a bit of time to myself.
We also enforce quiet time for both our children at 3 and 4.5. They don't have to sleep (the 3 yr old nearly always does) but they do have to stay in their rooms and rest, play with quiet toys, listen to audio books etc. It's good for all of us, gives me an hours peace, gives the DC a rest and a reset. I think we will keep it for a good while yet because it's so calming for us all.

I’ve got a 2.5 year old and a 4.5 year old. I’d say it got a lot easier when the youngest could sit unaided as then the eldest could involve them in some games. Easier again when the smallest started walking. Once the baby slept through the night - about 15 months - it got easier again. It’s gradual and you have to take the wins where you get them. They’re best friends now, love to play together and mostly play nicely. Under absolutely zero circumstances would I have a third.

I found that things got much easier when the baby was over 3 months and particularly after 6 months when the DC could do everything together.

I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old. It's not easier yet. I long to go back to work for a a bit of quiet. I used to work in a HUGE secondary school with 1200 students lol.

Even without a toddler, you're still in the first 6 week phase - which is hell on earth frankly. A friend told me the first 6 weeks are the worst. Then things get a BIT better. Then things start to get properly better after 12 weeks. With two DC, I can say that she was completely right for both of them.

With a toddler, it's just that much harder. I think overall, it gets better when they're not quite so dependent. I remember DH and I marvelling when DS was about 3.5 (so shortly before we had DD and life got hard again) how things had just shifted over night. Suddenly we weren't hostage to nappies and nap schedules, didn't need to consider snacks and their specific timings, could go out without necessarily requiring an entire change of clothing, didn't have to get the pushchair out for every little excursion etc etc.... it was such a revelation.

Eek you are definitely in the tough part!
once the sleep is better everything is a bit more manageable, and as they get older for us it definitely all got easier…when youngest was 3ish they were playing together, so having 2 seemed not so crazy after all and now they are 4 and 6 they have their moments but are sooo much more enjoyable, can do play dates, days out we all enjoy etc.

Oh wow you’re in the thick of it with those ages. I promise it gets better. My 18 month old and 4 year old play together so nicely. They make each other giggle.

I remember this stage so well. I actually used to look at Facebook posts from friends with no children doing fun stuff like going to the cinema or lunch dates etc with their other halves and envying them so much while I was up to my neck in dirty nappies, whinging toddlers, projectile vomit and wishing I was them. However, my two are now 11 and 9 and I can honestly say it goes by so fast ( it doesn't feel like it now, but it will)

It doesn’t get easier just different.

what you’re going through right now is why there’s a 5 year gap between my kids!

You’re right in the thick of it there OP. Mine are 9 and 5 now and it’s easy! I’d say here’s easier from aged 3. Use childcare once they are old enough if you can afford it. Until then take whatever help is offered and lower your standards/expectations in geceral otherwise you’ll go mad . Sleep train once they are old enough (unless you are lucky enough to have naturally good sleepers!)

The days are long but the years are short 💙

This is the proper hard yards of parenting! I had my twins when my eldest was 2y 9mo and honestly the first 6 months were an absolute sleep-deprived, fuzzy haze of endless demands on me.

But it does get better. Now my twins are nearly 2.5 and all 3 kids finally talk and play together without needing my CONSTANT intervention. I am able to watch them at the playground rather than hover all the time. Our lives are not ruled by nap times. I can see that from 3ish once they're potty trained and no longer needing a buggy, life will be so much easier. (No plans for any more kids!!)

Hang in there. Enjoy the moments of loveliness amongst the chaos. It will get better!

Honestly? I don't think it does. Each age comes with its own challenges.

Child #1 as a baby suffered awful reflux and I struggled for ages but once that was fixed and he was a bit bigger things got easier. Until he was about 3 and the tantrums started and the hyperness kicked in. Now he's never still, he's 6 with the attitude of a teenager and hard work.

#2 was difficult from the beginning with sleep. Got that cracked and all was well until about 3 when the tantrums started and now he sulks over everything. He has perfectly good verbal skills but a lot of the time refuses to use words so just points and I'm left wondering what it is he wants. He's turning 5 soon and as still has tantrums, add in his brother and it's chaos every day and I'm forever wittering "calm down"

However the plus side is I can send them downstairs in the morning to watch TV, they are toilet trained, can dress themselves and hold a conversation. I do a lot less physically but mentally I'm broken.

In a few years time I imagine it will continue, they will become more independent and need me less physically but mentally will need me a lot more.

My toddler is probably the most demanding at the moment. Endless tantrums.

When one at least is at school . I have found mine easier as they get older , much less demanding . Although the 11 year old is developing a teenage attitude now … that’s a different kind of struggle though .

You are indeed in the trenches and should be being looked after yourself. Do you have help/support? Are you in a position to buy any resources in? Of course toddler is tantruming - their world just flipped on its axis, normal even though very difficult.

Mine had a different age gap so maybe not relevant but I found if a situation wasn't working we would change it. No staying with an activity or routine for the sake of it. If we were struggling to get dressed to get out we would put shoes & coats on in the path, it got done quicker. If the craft activity was causing more stress than it was worth I put it in an empty box - or put a box over it. We hid in a lot of homemade dens. Don't be a martyr to lessons that won't anyway be learned - to prove you're in charge/toddler's behaviour unreasonable/ that lunch = x food/that we must do things at certain times. If it's not working no good will come from sticking with it. They'll absorb the feeling that they feel well rather than enduring something or a greater good - they can learn to do that in the future. Less stress = greater harmony, or at least increases the likelihood of it.

I had baby in a sling most of the time and we got out as much as possible because everyone behaved differently when we were out. We all had a lot of baths separately and together at odd and sometimes multiple times per day because we were all better in water. At this point, just do what works for the little bit it works and then change it when it doesn't. Get help in the home. Fewer toys frequently rotated helped. Special back packs for toddler with stuff for nature/hospital visits/seeing friends/treasure hunts - they only came out on that occasion. Encouraged to find 'treasure' on walks for a focus.

One more thing. They had their own bond when I sat back a bit (verbally I mean, obviously in touching distance all the blinking time) and I loved seeing it. Even when things were tough it was as gorgeous watching how the baby laughed for the bigger one more than anyone else and how the bigger one reveled in that.

Truly wishing you all the strength.

@staryellow not in the slightest. My kids are very easy, even though one of them is neurodiverse and they have their mother's stubbornness. They're independent, so we have time to have fun and enjoy our family life together.

Why would you think that's a joke?

Personally I found teenagers harder- but we are all different , some of us feel worn out with drudgery and physical 'doing' with small kids, some more worn out with the emotional and mental things if you have a difficult teen.

My older DD's have similar age gap. Sorry to say but I find the turning double figures and early teenage years miles harder than I found the age yours are at. Yes they may be more physically demanding at that age but id take that over some of the mentally draining days/weeks/months we've had at our DD's ages.

My 17 year old is super hard work just now. She costs a fortune, she's out drinking till daft o'clock, always wanting money, always wanting lifts, often got dramas to resolve. I was looking forward to her leaving for uni but its not happening now, she's going travelling instead and saving and working for a year, so no reprieve yet. My 9 year old son and twelve year old daughter are a walk in the park.

How come you had more than 1 OP? Was it maternal urge? Curious as I only seem to have maternal urge for just 1. Always wonder what drives people to have more, as it sounds so tough.

'It gets easier' doesn't sound attractive to me as I still have to go through years of unpleasantries.

Age 6.

My husband convinced me to and I also felt guilty to leave the first without a sibling, I guess. But I would have been happy with 1. I had another, basically for the first one.