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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband wants to go away for a night when our baby is 4 weeks old…

361 replies

SnowBall86 · 01/06/2022 13:56

My husband wants to go away to celebrate his nephews 21st birthday for 1 night and take our son who is 5 with him whilst I will stay at home with our 4 week old baby (recovering from c-section). The drive is around 5 hours. I have a couple of problems with it. Firstly, I think tagging our 5 year old along for a 5h drive each way is a bit too far for one night. Then, I know there might be some alcohol involved since it’s a 21st birthday celebration, so I’m not too keen on what our son is going to experience… also, I think that with 4 week old baby I might need all help I can get including looking after me considering that I don’t know how I’m going to feel recovering from c-section. My DH argument is that his nephew is 21 only once and that he’s helping by taking our son with him…. Am I being unreasonable by not feeling too happy about the whole situation?

OP posts:

ForestFae · 01/06/2022 13:56

Not unreasonable. I wouldn’t be happy with that.

toastedbagiel · 01/06/2022 13:57

I can see this from both sides tbh.

Glitterspy · 01/06/2022 13:58

Your DH is offering to take your child to a family party overnight.

no further questions, enjoy the peace and quiet

Mommabear20 · 01/06/2022 13:58

I'd be fine with him going but not with him taking a 5 year old on a 21st birthday

ForestFae · 01/06/2022 13:59

Glitterspy · 01/06/2022 13:58

Your DH is offering to take your child to a family party overnight.

no further questions, enjoy the peace and quiet

What peace and quiet? She’ll have a 4 week old baby!

baxtersm · 01/06/2022 13:59

I think this is fine to be honest.. you'll get a break from the 5 year old and some time on your own with the baby.. and newborns tend to sleep a lot. And your son will get alone time with his dad, he can make a fuss of him

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 01/06/2022 14:01

I don’t think that him taking the 5 year old is a great idea - I can’t imagine how that’s going to work at a 21st celebration!

Is there anyone who can come to stay with you while he’s away to give you a hand with the kids?

Hugasauras · 01/06/2022 14:02

Hmm I think with my first I would have been against this because I had no idea what it was going to be like and everything was new and scary, but DH is going to a wedding for a weekend about six weeks after DD2 arrives and that feels okay this time round (I encouraged him to go as he initially said he wouldn't).

If he's taking the oldest child with him then I don't think one night with a baby is too bad. I had a C section but wouldn't have struggled to care for a baby for a day/night solo at four weeks PP, although obviously everyone is different.

Sirzy · 01/06/2022 14:03

Personally for one night it really wouldn’t bother me. Let them go and enjoy time with the extended family

Hugasauras · 01/06/2022 14:03

I'm guessing too that the 21st is going to be full of older family members too and not just 21-year-olds?

TidyDancer · 01/06/2022 14:03

I'd be fine with this. I think he's proposed a good compromise by taking your older DS.

Figgygal · 01/06/2022 14:04

Absolutely he should have other priorities at the moment
And im someone who usually would give my dh a long leash

Hoppinggreen · 01/06/2022 14:04

I probably wouldn’t be happy about the 5 year old going unless there was plenty of family going that the child knows well and you feel they will be well looked after even when there is booze involved.
i havent had a C section so I don’t know how easy it is to cope with a baby 4 weeks on but I coped with a 2 week old and a 4 year old for a week on my own with my Mum not too far away if needed

Chamomileteaplease · 01/06/2022 14:05

Yes, a five hour car journey for two days in a row sounds horrible for the five year old.

And presumably he won't go to bed until your husband does, so he will be very tired at a noisy party and unable to go to bed?😞.

Depending on his attitude (!) I would try to get a friend over to help with the five year old for the night and try and have a nice time the four of you at home while dh goes off.

And you will have one in the bag 😊

Talipesmum · 01/06/2022 14:07

I would have been fine with this, but I can understand if others wouldn’t be. 21st family parties would absolutely be fine for younger children in our families - ours have been to all of these (usually the 21 yr old has a family gathering party and then will go out with mates later / another time).
And 5 hours is annoying but we are quite used to driving that with kids to see family.

GrandRapids · 01/06/2022 14:10

What's the deal with the party? Is it a family thing and will there be other young kids there? Or is it an adult party? If it's an adult piss up then I wouldn't let the 5 yr old go.

I don't really get why your husband is so desperate to go to a 21st party. It's not exactly some momentous milestone/life event

cigarettesNalcohol · 01/06/2022 14:12

I think your DH's priorities are in the wrong place. He should stay home to help out. What's so hard to understand?

BritInUS1 · 01/06/2022 14:15

Its one night, let him go and enjoy it

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 01/06/2022 14:15

cigarettesNalcohol · 01/06/2022 14:12

I think your DH's priorities are in the wrong place. He should stay home to help out. What's so hard to understand?

I agree DH wouldn't even have considered this . Totally depends how the OP is feeling after her section too, it's major surgery and not everyone bounces back within 48 hrs despite what you read on here.

DogsAndGin · 01/06/2022 14:17

What a privileged position he is in! I’m sure you would love to go gallivanting around to parties, but you’re recovering from surgery and he should therefore be home to help you. YANBU

frazzledasarock · 01/06/2022 14:17

I wouldn't be happy with this as I would not know how / iwould be feeling at that point in time with a new baby and healing from major abdominal surgery.

As for taking a five year old with him, is he out of his mind? The drive is too long, is he going to get drunk? If so who will be supervising your very young child?

My DH wouldn't be even thinking about attending anyone's overnight parties any way with a newborn in the house.

Wannabegreenfingers · 01/06/2022 14:20

Being home alone with a 4 week old baby for one night, I don't see the issue. I've had two and after paternity leave was very much on my own.

The 21st Birthday party I wouldn't be so comfortable with, unless there will be a mixed of adults and family there so it's not such a drunken affair.

NashvilleQueen · 01/06/2022 14:20

On balance I think what's he proposing seems reasonable. Only you know however to what extent you need him to look after you four weeks post section and so if you're unable to manage without him then you need to make him understand that.

SickAndTiredAgain · 01/06/2022 14:21

My DH argument is that his nephew is 21 only once

Are you in the UK? Are 21st birthdays particularly special, have I missed that?

Anyway, aside from that, what's the party like - is it a family party? Is it suitable for the 5 year old?

I probably wouldn't have an issue with the night away - although I've never had a c section so don't know how much harder that makes things. However I'd expect the party to be child friendly if he was taking the 5 year old. And I'd expect him to stay if I asked - I think that's the biggest issue, you've asked him not to go, he's going anyway.

KarrotKake · 01/06/2022 14:21

Would you prefer the 5 year old was at home with you and the baby too? Or all 4 of you to go?
Seems to me DH has done his best to make things as easy for you as he can, whilst still celebrating with his family.

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