Husband wants to go away for a night when our baby is 4 weeks old…

[SnowBall86]

My husband wants to go away to celebrate his nephews 21st birthday for 1 night and take our son who is 5 with him whilst I will stay at home with our 4 week old baby (recovering from c-section). The drive is around 5 hours. I have a couple of problems with it. Firstly, I think tagging our 5 year old along for a 5h drive each way is a bit too far for one night. Then, I know there might be some alcohol involved since it’s a 21st birthday celebration, so I’m not too keen on what our son is going to experience… also, I think that with 4 week old baby I might need all help I can get including looking after me considering that I don’t know how I’m going to feel recovering from c-section. My DH argument is that his nephew is 21 only once and that he’s helping by taking our son with him…. Am I being unreasonable by not feeling too happy about the whole situation?

I think it's one night, you'll manage OP.

4 week old babies.. all they do is sleep op. Think about it...

No way on earth would I have managed physically alone at four weeks.

I didn’t have a c-section but know many people who did and recovered very quickly. And they were more than capable of feeding and changing nappies 4 weeks later.
Many partners are back at work after paternity leave after only a couple of weeks.

Of course if OP cannot physically manage without him then he’ll have to change his plans but surely if she recovers well from her c-section then there’s no issue.

I’d be saying yes but make it clear that if you have not recovered properly then he can’t go (but surely that’s a given anyway).

Come on, of course there will be alcohol but he is hardly going to leave your 5 year old unattended and let him chug beer from the buffet. It sounds like a family party, and this will give him some daddy-son alone time, and make your son feel a bit special and grown up that he is invited (after all the hard work he will have to do adapting to having a new sibling). It sounds a bit like you just want him to stay at home and being 'worried' about the 5 year old going is an excuse. Enjoy the peace and quiet, have a friend on speed dial you can call if you need anything, and don't forget to call your nephew to wish him a happy birthday even though you're not there.

100%!! People also ignoring unknowns like if baby is bottle fed will op have to be up and down the stairs multiple times making/heating bottles and impact of this on recovery. The idyllic in bed with movies and a pizza and sleeping all day is a bit ridiculous.

He also seems to have approached this very selfishly - pressurising you that it’s fine for him to go and what about his nephew etc. a good husband would have already told family he would love to go but it would be a last minute decision depending on how you are feeling and doing. He should be putting you first. You are the one undergoing major surgery to have his child. He doesn’t sound even remotely supportive. I’m glad I don’t have a DH like him as someone facing into a c-section soon as well.

I was fine after a cesarean, but everyone is different and its wrong to assume everyone will feel well enough at 4 weeks. Also, the husband should be more concerned with his wife than a bloody birthday party.

Ha ha ha ha

You only have to look at the sleep board to see the number of desperately exhausted mums with babies who won’t sleep unless held, parents sleeping in shifts etc. My 3 week old kept me up for hours last night.

As I said upthread, I probably wouldn’t have an issue with DH going for one night, but I certainly wouldn’t be viewing it as a lovely break for me.

I'd be skipping for joy

I'd be fine with him going but I'd keep the 5 year old home with me too.

It sounds a bit like you just want him to stay at home and being 'worried' about the 5 year old going is an excuse. Enjoy the peace and quiet, have a friend on speed dial you can call if you need anything, and don't forget to call your nephew to wish him a happy birthday even though you're not there

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 gosh imagine wanting your DH to be there to help you with a newborn post major abdominal surgery. I can’t imagine it. And of course your nephew is far more important than you are here.who cares if your DH has left you home alone in pain and struggling to cope and gone 5 hours drive away for a party. Make sure you have a chirpy phone call with a super important 21 year old. Heaven forbid it’s not all about him.

and the award for the most ridiculous ‘advice’ goes to @Mariposista

I think after surgery it's reasonable to say no you want dh to stay at home and help with baby.

Presumably, if the time comes and the OP is in the unlikely position of still recovering from the C-section to the extent that she can't take care of herself and the baby for 24 hours, then the plans will be reconsidered. He's not going to just leave her in that situation is he?

Well unless he is lucky enough to spend 4 weeks off after the baby is born ops surely going to be having to deal with the baby and 5 year old when he's back at work

Also who stays in bed for 4 weeks after having a baby! Especially a second one, she can sit on the couch closer to the bottle making facilities if she doesn't want to be up and down the stairs all day or buy pre made ones for 24 hours

No!!! Why????

That seems like the best part of this plan!

I don't see anything the matter with what he's doing. I'd rather he left the 5 year old at home too though but that's up to him.

I think it will be nice for your 5 year old to get some one to one time with your DH, after the upheaval of a new sibling. They will get that time in the car together, and can surely stop off for food and breaks - my DC love coming on road trips. A family party will also be fun for him, it will feel like adventure.

Four weeks in, unless there have been unexpected complications ( in which case he can cancel) you should be up and about in terms of c-section recovery, so won’t need extra help to lift the baby or anything else.

Personally, although not ideal and I'd feel the same as you do atm, I'd just go with it. On reflection it's only one night. I'd chill a bit about it and not worry to much.

Even the most generous descriptions of C Section recovery times say 4-6 weeks, and that's without complications.

It's not unlikely at all.

Why are people so dismissive of the reality of C Sections?

I would be absolutely fine with DH going away for one night under those circumstances. I had 2 sections and was pretty much fully recovered at that point and we’d found a rhythm again. I went for a night out when DC2 was 4 weeks old, didn’t occur to me that 1 parent couldn’t handle it tbh, and DH was obviously fine. But if you are unlucky and have a bad time of it recovery wise, or baby is a shocking sleeper and shifts are essential then he can always cancel closer to the time. My only concern would be if the part is suitable for the 5YO- is it all of family and other kids there and not just a piss up for the 21YO’s friends?

It’s 4 weeks after @HiltonB , she isn’t going to be in pain from surgery.

If there is someone who could be round the night he is away?

I would also keep 5 yo at home, with a gp on hand.

Yes, I've had a c section and had an extremely premature baby.

Yes, I've had a c section and had an extremely premature baby.

Not a lot of awareness of other people whose recovery goes less well, then.

This has to be decided a few days before the trip. Are the Grandparents, Aunts/Uncles all going? Unless they are a drunk/fighting family, there really isn't an issue. As for the car journey he'll have to break it up. So it's all down to your recovery, which you won't know about until the day before he's due to go. So make loose plans.

In tiny bursts scattered over 24 hours, and only while being held, never in the expensive bloody cot/Moses basket/bedside crib, interspersed with some mad bouts of colic, alternated with insane cluster feeding just to mix things up, with endless nocturnal poonamis.

Honestly feel like I’ve entered the Twilight Zone on this thread.