Husband wants to go away for a night when our baby is 4 weeks old…

[SnowBall86]

My husband wants to go away to celebrate his nephews 21st birthday for 1 night and take our son who is 5 with him whilst I will stay at home with our 4 week old baby (recovering from c-section). The drive is around 5 hours. I have a couple of problems with it. Firstly, I think tagging our 5 year old along for a 5h drive each way is a bit too far for one night. Then, I know there might be some alcohol involved since it’s a 21st birthday celebration, so I’m not too keen on what our son is going to experience… also, I think that with 4 week old baby I might need all help I can get including looking after me considering that I don’t know how I’m going to feel recovering from c-section. My DH argument is that his nephew is 21 only once and that he’s helping by taking our son with him…. Am I being unreasonable by not feeling too happy about the whole situation?

It's not that bad but I think you're within your rights to say 'can you not'.

I've had 2 cs and I've had been fine with this. It's one night. Sounds nice to get a night of relative peace in the house and just snuggle up with baby.

can i nominate this for the cat's bum mouth award?

OP, you should let dh take his son to a family party. There will be older members there and your dh is not going to be traipsing a 5 year old to bars and pubs around town.

Enjoy the peace.

4 week olds sleep up to 17 hours a day. A night and day alone with your young baby....sounds lovely!

I would take the baby and all go

One night on your own with a 4 week old? Totally fine. I'm actually surprised how many people think this is unreasonable, and I'm not a very easy going person generally. Maybe with my first I might have been worried but I think it's fine, although will entirely be dependent on your recovery from the C-section - not everyone has a straightforward experience.

The party though, so he's going to drive ten hours in two days with a five year old? That's a terrible idea. My five year old would hate that and I don't think he'd really enjoy a 21st birthday party either, so what would he be getting out of it? This is the part of the plan that would be a big 'nope' from me.

I don't see the issue here. I'd be fine with it

My Dh went to the US on business when DS was four weeks old, he was gone for ten days, we all lived.

YABU

DH and child going to a family party - can't see the problem.

You managing for one night - it's not a pfb - you should be fine.

So he's taking the 5 year old to strengthen his case for going, not that it's actually a good thing for the 5 year old! It's way too much travelling for one night and is not appropriate. I wouldn’t mind him going alone if my dm would come and stay for the night. Having had 2 sections, I can't quite remember how I was at 4 weeks, but still struggling and not driving. Baby awake every few hours.

A 21st is just not a priority.

im someone who usually would give my dh a long leash

Imagine a man saying this about a woman 🤦‍♀️

@Beatrixpotterspencil

You can - but would you really type you your give your partner a long leash, let alone think it?

Fuck me, the state of some people's relationships.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

If the baby was ill, how would you get to the hospital? You are still recovering after a C Section at 6 weeks and shouldn't drive until then. Your husband's priority should be at home, supporting you, the baby and your son. Not off drinking 5 hours away. Your nephew really won't care if his uncle is there or not.

sounds as though this plan is done distance in advance and the baby isn’t here yet? If so, I think yourDH should be prepared to re-plan depending on how you are coping physically and mentally.

it’s easy for people to say “enjoy the peace” but I remember times of being absolutely desperate for my DH to get home after a day with a fractious newborn and I was an emotional mess. And 4 weeks after a c-section I was fine, but not everyone is.

I’m with others though that the general idea of a 10 hour round trip in a car being pretty miserable for the 5yo.

What 21 year old would want a 5 year old in their party?

Sorry I think YABU it’s one night and he’s taking the older DC.

Assuming you recover in the normal time frame from your c section I’m sure you’ll be fine but if you have issues with recovering he can says just not go. That decision can be made closer to the time

Is the baby here yet? You could be recovering well and feeling easily able to cope. Or you could be really struggling.

I had a difficult vaginal birth, was still in a lot of pain at four weeks and had just been diagnosed with severe PND. There is no way on earth I could have coped with this, it was bad enough DH being out of the house for work for ten hours every day.

Yabu, babies are not that much hard work, 1 baby for 1 night, you will survive, his nephew has 1 21st birthday

One night? You are being unreasonable, especially since he's taking the 5 year old! Enjoy the bonding time, order a pizza, put Dirty Dancing on. You'll be fine x

Op, trust your judgement. He should not even consider going for all the reasons you listed. He doesn’t have to go to nephew’s 21st bday party. But he does need to put you first at this time. You are recovering from a c section. You have a 4 week old. You have a 5 year old who does not need to go to a 21st birthday drinking party. No.

5 hours driving there and 5 hours back. No again. What a little ass your husband is. Don’t listen to people who do not have good will toward your situation of recovering from childbirth. I was in intense pain for 6 solid weeks after giving birth and I didn’t have to deal with a c section, which to my mind involves more recovery time. You’re also not getting much sleep I would imagine. He shouldn’t even want to go. He can send a card and catch up with his nephew later at a better time. He will still be 21, good grief. Frankly, his nephew’s parents are not very kind expecting your husband’s attendance when you’ve just had a baby. Badly done.

I wasn’t remotely healed enough to be left alone with our baby at 4 weeks.

its also too young for a parent to leave an infant for anything that is discretionary.

I'm not really seeing the issues tbh. It's a family party, not a bunch of 22 yr old lads on the lash, so fine for a 5 yr old.

Also, your baby will be 4 weeks old, and it's only overnight - or 2 days.

And your dh is right, he's only 21 once. Why not see how you feel closer to the time

DH went away for work for a week when I had 4 week old and 4 year old. It was fine but no particular post natal problems. I did put them in a cab one evening and we all went out for a nice dinner though. Had a lovely evening.