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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for my own room on hen do..

115 replies

SuziSecondLaw · 31/05/2022 22:07

I'm going to a hen do in a month's time, it's for 3 nights but have said I'll just go for 1 (I still paid in full though!).
Nothing has been mentioned about sleeping arrangements, but I know that there are only 3 rooms with a single bed, the rest are double or twin, so most (the other 15) will be sharing.

Bride to be is my oldest friend, but I'm an introvert.. I know most of the rest of the hens and am friendly with a couple. I'm very anxious in general, and I don't cope well in social situations.

Anyway, I'm so scared of having to share a room (I know it's completely ridiculous, but the thought of it makes me incredibly anxious). Regardless of who with really.

We're all meeting up on Friday to discuss final plans etc. Is there any polite way of asking for a single room to myself? I don't want to make a scene or draw attention to myself at all.. But I'm genuinely considering making something up and not going because I'm scared of turning up and being allocated a shared room.. Which would really be a shame, because the rest sounds like great fun!

Any advice? Am I being really pathetic? 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Daisy4569 · 31/05/2022 22:39

To be honest by the time you meet up most people will probably have already paired up so I’d just say ‘I’m happy to have one of the singles’. My experience on these things is that most people are keen to share with a friend for a couple of nights!

Original poster
SuziSecondLaw · 31/05/2022 22:40

SweetSakura · 31/05/2022 22:36

I bet pretty much everyone in the group will have a reason why they feel they deserve a single room.

Why didn't you raise this before booking?

I never said I deserved one.. I don't think I'm special.. I paid for the full thing even though I'm only staying one night, so I'm hardly expecting anyone to go out there way for me.

The other hens are all very close, and all very much extroverts, so I can't imagine they'll care.
I just don't want to ask and sound like I'm being all precious. I'm really not like that.

OP posts:
Caulidop · 31/05/2022 22:44

OP, I think it's a completely reasonable request. I wouldn't want to share a room either, and feel I'm no longer a student struggling for money so why should I have to! Some people might be pissed off by this, but i wouldn't be. Just ask the question. If there are single rooms why shouldn't you ask. And for the person insinuating that you are an annoyance for wanting your own room, people like this are the bane of my and many people's existence! The assumption that everyone wants to pile in to a tiny room together, share a bed, have no privacy- just because one person thinks that's great for a trip away does not mean everyone else does. I would rather have the option to pay more to have my own room, every time.

NerrSnerr · 31/05/2022 22:44

Daisy4569 · 31/05/2022 22:39

To be honest by the time you meet up most people will probably have already paired up so I’d just say ‘I’m happy to have one of the singles’. My experience on these things is that most people are keen to share with a friend for a couple of nights!

It's the opposite for my friends- we'd all want our own room.

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 31/05/2022 22:44

You're only going for 1 night. Once you've left, someone else can have the single room you vacate. Just tell them you're paying the full price but can only make 1 night and you need a single room. They get it back after.

NerrSnerr · 31/05/2022 22:46

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 31/05/2022 22:44

You're only going for 1 night. Once you've left, someone else can have the single room you vacate. Just tell them you're paying the full price but can only make 1 night and you need a single room. They get it back after.

Depends which night the OP is going to. First night fine but if it's the second or third someone may not want to vacate the room when there's a clean bed elsewhere that hasn't been slept on.

viques · 31/05/2022 22:47

godmum56 · 31/05/2022 22:33

wow how did I do that? is everyone else seeing my post huge?

Yes, it’s brilliant, how did you do it?

Original poster
SuziSecondLaw · 31/05/2022 22:48

NerrSnerr · 31/05/2022 22:46

Depends which night the OP is going to. First night fine but if it's the second or third someone may not want to vacate the room when there's a clean bed elsewhere that hasn't been slept on.

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Good point. I hadn't thought of this.. I am going first night only, so maybe just take my own bedding?

OP posts:
WhiskerPatrol · 31/05/2022 22:52

godmum56 · 31/05/2022 22:33

wow how did I do that? is everyone else seeing my post huge?

YES!

TheOccupier · 31/05/2022 22:54

SuziSecondLaw · 31/05/2022 22:33

The accommodation is three self catering cottages. I couldn't book a room.

Sorry that you're out of patience with social anxiety.. Trust me, nobody is more fed up of it than I am. Its not a choice.

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Don't go then! I doubt anybody would miss you. (It is also my experience that 20% of the guests provide at least 80% of the fun and conversation at things like this.)

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 31/05/2022 22:55

I’d message the MoH before the meet up. You’ve judged her as being ‘ditzy’ which isn’t that nice but that aside, I think that’s your best chance of explaining and being heard rather than worrying about raising it in person when the group is there.

worraliberty · 31/05/2022 22:55

godmum56 · 31/05/2022 22:33

wow how did I do that? is everyone else seeing my post huge?

Yes, I thought you were advising the OP to get really shouty and aggressive 😂😂

fyn · 31/05/2022 23:01

I recently went to a hen party and there was one room with one bed - I just asked if anyone minded, nobody did, I got the one room. Admittedly I am pregnant and didn’t particularly want to share a bed with a one of my drunk friends, but nobody minded at all!

@TheOccupier you can still be fun and want to not sleep in a bed with virtual strangers, they aren’t mutually exclusive.

Daisycat76 · 31/05/2022 23:02

TheOccupier · 31/05/2022 22:30

God, as someone who has organised many hen dos and is out of patience with other people's social anxiety, fussy eating or whatever, you sound high-maintenance. Why didn't you just tell them to leave you out of the accommodation and book yourself a single room for the night you'll be there? Would probably work out cheaper anyway. With a month to go you can probably still do it, just email whoever's booked the hotel and offer to sort it out with the venue directly to save them the hassle.

You realise social anxiety is a mental health condition right? How privileged of you to be "out of patience" with something other people suffer with.

OP, I think the best thing to do is just be honest and explain. I understand, I have anxiety too and I would want my own room. I'm a very light sleeper and I like privacy. I would just say something along the lines of "I'm sorry to be a pain everyone, but would it be ok if I had a single room, just for the one night I'm there? Sharing a room makes me a bit uncomfortable". If they're a good friend they'll understand.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/05/2022 23:11

Is there a group WhatsApp? Next time there’s a message I’d go with something like
“this all sounds great, (bride) will love it. I’m only able to join you for the (Friday) but really hoping to have a single room, I’m not a great sharer. Let me know if I should bring a set of bedding do someone can move in from (Saturday) onwards?”
Otherwise just message the organiser.

AngelinaFibres · 31/05/2022 23:15

SuziSecondLaw · 31/05/2022 22:29

I don't snore. I just really struggle to sleep, if I feel even slightly anxious there's no way I sleep. I'm always anxious around people, even friends.. So it's a tricky one!

It's all a surprise for bride, so can't speak to her. I could always speak to the MOH but she's a bit ditsy and probably won't understand.

I feel like I'll just have to ask when we all get together.. But how do I even bring it up? Just imagining myself saying 'ahem, stop all your excited chatter a moment whilst I ask a really awkward favour' I 🤦🏻‍♀️is so embarrassing..
obviously not like that, but you know what I mean!

Why are you putting yourself through this? Why did you agree to go in the first place ? Sounds like hell for an introvert. You could have done something nice just with the bride before her wedding .

ManateeFair · 31/05/2022 23:27

TheOccupier · 31/05/2022 22:30

God, as someone who has organised many hen dos and is out of patience with other people's social anxiety, fussy eating or whatever, you sound high-maintenance. Why didn't you just tell them to leave you out of the accommodation and book yourself a single room for the night you'll be there? Would probably work out cheaper anyway. With a month to go you can probably still do it, just email whoever's booked the hotel and offer to sort it out with the venue directly to save them the hassle.

The OP has paid for three nights and is only staying for one. Literally her only request is that for the one night, she doesn’t have to sleep next to someone she doesn’t know. That isn’t ‘high-maintenance’.

You, in contrast, sound like a pushy, overbearing nightmare with zero self-awareness.

jackstini · 31/05/2022 23:30

You might be worrying about nothing - last one of these I organized nobody wanted to be on their own and the single room went unused!

It's fine to tell MOH your preference - it could help them sort out room splits

runnerswimmer · 31/05/2022 23:32

OP you could just bring a sleeping bag if its for one night.

Subaru4336 · 31/05/2022 23:37

TheOccupier · 31/05/2022 22:54

Don't go then! I doubt anybody would miss you. (It is also my experience that 20% of the guests provide at least 80% of the fun and conversation at things like this.)

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Aren't you just lovely? 🙄

minuette1 · 31/05/2022 23:44

What if there is someone else who feels like you do or really does snore? - as they are staying 3 nights they should have the single room rather than the person only staying one night. How would you feel if that were the case, would you not go at all?

myrtleWilson · 31/05/2022 23:46

I'm fairly certain that @TheOccupier many many organised hen-do's were welcoming to one and all and not at all cliquey.

elevenspowers · 31/05/2022 23:47

I literally just went on a hen do of 16 people and knew no one but the bride.

I personally preferred sharing a room, because it was nice to get ready together rather than by myself and have to go find people and I got friendly with the girls in the room so it was more enjoyable.

if however I’d asked my friend or her sister who organised it if I could have one of the single room I’m certain they would have let me. So just ask.

Iloveychildrenandmydoggie · 31/05/2022 23:52

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 31/05/2022 22:10

Can you bear to say you snore like a pig and it would be better for other people?

I do snore like a pig !! It is always my reason for not room sharing! Am not ashamed so a valid reason TBH 😊

Myshitisreal · 31/05/2022 23:58

TheOccupier · 31/05/2022 22:54

Don't go then! I doubt anybody would miss you. (It is also my experience that 20% of the guests provide at least 80% of the fun and conversation at things like this.)

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Your attitude isn't pleasant.