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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for my own room on hen do..

115 replies

SuziSecondLaw · 31/05/2022 22:07

I'm going to a hen do in a month's time, it's for 3 nights but have said I'll just go for 1 (I still paid in full though!).
Nothing has been mentioned about sleeping arrangements, but I know that there are only 3 rooms with a single bed, the rest are double or twin, so most (the other 15) will be sharing.

Bride to be is my oldest friend, but I'm an introvert.. I know most of the rest of the hens and am friendly with a couple. I'm very anxious in general, and I don't cope well in social situations.

Anyway, I'm so scared of having to share a room (I know it's completely ridiculous, but the thought of it makes me incredibly anxious). Regardless of who with really.

We're all meeting up on Friday to discuss final plans etc. Is there any polite way of asking for a single room to myself? I don't want to make a scene or draw attention to myself at all.. But I'm genuinely considering making something up and not going because I'm scared of turning up and being allocated a shared room.. Which would really be a shame, because the rest sounds like great fun!

Any advice? Am I being really pathetic? 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
SixteenTwelve · 01/06/2022 07:54

Op I relate to this. I have been invited on a hen do abroad next year and nothing has been arranged yet but I am already having an internal paddy about possibly sharing a room. I just feel like I NEED my own space and I’m not a very good sleeper either. Doesn’t feel like much of a holiday when you are going to be on edge the whole time does it? 😔

Brefugee · 01/06/2022 07:56

if i were one of the others i'd be saying "nope" we'll draw for them. Because some will be there 3 nights and if you take one of the single rooms someone will have to move for 2 nights.

Everyone else might have equally valid reasons for not wanting to share

aSofaNearYou · 01/06/2022 08:03

I think you definitely need to message rather than leaving it to chance because I can easily see them coming to the conclusion that since you're only staying one night, it would make more sense for you to just bunk in with someone rather than someone else have to move into the single room after you'd gone. I'd say you're probably the least likely person to end up in your own room.

rookiemere · 01/06/2022 08:03

I'd message and get it out there.

Offering to bring your own bedding is a nice gesture as means someone else can use it for the other nights.

I don't mind sharing with people I know - although I get less keen as I get older

  • but I know one friend can't abide it, so it wouldn't bother me. Drawing lots seems silly when some folk may not even want a single room.
muddyford · 01/06/2022 08:04

I'm an introvert but would put up with it for one night.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 01/06/2022 08:06

There is usually a rooming discussion anyways so those who have agreed to share a room can say etc. Just make sure you lob your request in there nice and early on.

Don't come up with bullshit reasons either. Be honest! I can't share a room with someone as it triggers my anxiety.

fluffyjumpers · 01/06/2022 08:08

I think you need to message them. Do you have a phone number or email address for someone involved in organising?

You've already identified that you are going to find this hard to bring up when everyone is together. So, how about sending a message before the event, which you can take time to compose nicely. And then if you're feeling brave, you can confirm it at the get-together.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/06/2022 08:08

TheOccupier · 31/05/2022 22:54

Don't go then! I doubt anybody would miss you. (It is also my experience that 20% of the guests provide at least 80% of the fun and conversation at things like this.)

Show quote history

If you'd rather the brides friends didn't come so YOU don't have to have a little consideration for someone else's needs, STOP ORGANISING THEM. It's really quite vile to suggest people shouldn't go to an event for someone else because you can't be arsed with them.

orwellwasright · 01/06/2022 08:14

Three nights away with 17 other women. I'd need more than my own room to suffer that hell.

MarvellousMay · 01/06/2022 08:14

I don’t think you can ask for a single room to yourself when you’ll only be there one night. Are you expecting someone else to move out of it? Or for it to be left empty until you use it?
If you were going for the whole time I would say YANBU.

Sunshineandflipflops · 01/06/2022 08:16

Op, I am a single parent and therefore very used to sleeping on my own and find it uncomfortable sleeping with anyone else, even my boyfriend.

Once a year or so, me and a group of v close friends try and go away for a weekend together and inevitably most, if not all of us have to share rooms and sometimes beds. I always pair up with my best friend as out of everyone I feel less uncomfortable with her but I still don’t like it and don’t sleep well. This year, everyone else bagged the twin rooms and at least got their own beds but we were in the double. As it went, their walls backed onto the property next door who had a party all night and we didn’t hear a thing as our room was further away!

for this reason, one friend ended up sleeping on the sofa so maybe that would be an option if you don’t feel you can ask for one of the single rooms.

my experience though is that everyone would like a single if given the choice.

Crayfishforyou · 01/06/2022 08:22

Honestly? For one night I’d just suck it up. It’s one night. If it were three nights I’d ask.
I do sympathise, I have the same anxieties and have issues with sleep. But for one night I’d manage to cope

Itloggedmeoutagain · 01/06/2022 08:24

TheOccupier · 31/05/2022 22:30

God, as someone who has organised many hen dos and is out of patience with other people's social anxiety, fussy eating or whatever, you sound high-maintenance. Why didn't you just tell them to leave you out of the accommodation and book yourself a single room for the night you'll be there? Would probably work out cheaper anyway. With a month to go you can probably still do it, just email whoever's booked the hotel and offer to sort it out with the venue directly to save them the hassle.

Well I'm glad you didn't organise my hen do, or any other hen do that I've ever been on.

Notadogowner · 01/06/2022 08:25

If you’re going for one night out of three, I wouldn’t be happy with one of the single rooms being reserved for you tbh.

Jeansgoals · 01/06/2022 08:31

FWIW there was a lovely living room with huge sofas, so pack a sleeping bag and head for there once everyone's in bed.

SatinHeart · 01/06/2022 08:34

If I was allocating rooms, I would automatically put the person only staying one night in a twin, that way nobody has to move and then the roommate who is there for the whole time gets a room to herself for the other two nights which is nice for her.

I would message the MoH ahead of time and arrange it with her, and offer to sort the bedding so the room can be used on the other nights

Agree with this. The room needs to be available to someone else for the nights you aren't there otherwise it's unfair to take up a single when you're only there one night. And yes absolutely get it sorted in advance or you'll likely get shouted down on the day, especially if you are introverted and have social anxiety. As a pp said, everyone will have a reason why they believe they need/deserve a single room.

WooNoodle · 01/06/2022 08:41

godmum56 · 31/05/2022 22:33

wow how did I do that? is everyone else seeing my post huge?

Ooh yes!

TanquerayTickles · 01/06/2022 08:42

As you're only there for the first night but paying for three, I think it's a perfectly reasonable request, but do it now.

As I've got older (48) I've realised that I don't want to sleep anywhere I feel uncomfortable. I don't share rooms with anyone, even my closest girlfriends, whenever we talk about trips I throw it out there straight away that I will need my own room and pay whatever the extra is for that, otherwise I don't go. It's non negotiable for me, people soon get used to it. It's not fussy or being a pain, it's just prioritising my sleep and comfort.

BellePeppa · 01/06/2022 08:45

SuziSecondLaw · 31/05/2022 22:29

I don't snore. I just really struggle to sleep, if I feel even slightly anxious there's no way I sleep. I'm always anxious around people, even friends.. So it's a tricky one!

It's all a surprise for bride, so can't speak to her. I could always speak to the MOH but she's a bit ditsy and probably won't understand.

I feel like I'll just have to ask when we all get together.. But how do I even bring it up? Just imagining myself saying 'ahem, stop all your excited chatter a moment whilst I ask a really awkward favour' I 🤦🏻‍♀️is so embarrassing..
obviously not like that, but you know what I mean!

I’d say as I’m only here for one night I’d like a single room (it’ll be available to anyone else for the following two nights so shouldn’t be a big deal). Be honest about the reasons as they’re nothing to be ashamed of. In the same situation I would have no problem saying I would need a single room as I like my own space (which I very much do).

BellePeppa · 01/06/2022 08:46

Sorry, didn’t mean to quote your OP
in my post.

Original poster
SuziSecondLaw · 01/06/2022 09:22

I thought ditsy meant bubbly, chatty etc, but as some of you have said it wasn't a very nice thing to say I googled it.. Yep, not a nice thing to say! I'm pretty sure I've called people ditsy to their face.. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ Honestly, it's probably best I'm antisocial, I really shouldn't be around people 😂

Anyway, as an update, it's all sorted, I just kept it simple and said in the WhatsApp group I'm a really bad sleeper could I possibly have a single room if people don't mind. Nobody cared, one other person asked for one as she snores, the rest all want to share anyways as they're very close.

OP posts:
TanquerayTickles · 01/06/2022 09:33

Excellent outcome, OP. Well done for asking.

Caulidop · 01/06/2022 09:33

I appreciate there isn't going to be an option to not share in every situation, but in this one there is. Also if booking a large number of people in to a hotel I would expect to be able to offer the option to share or not, i just think it's unnecessary to assume that people would rather share. If booking apartments/cottage or whatever there are going to be limitations obviously, but I think this is sometimes exacerbated by the assumption people would rather pay a bit less than have more space/privacy. The person organising may be happy to share with 3 others that they know well, but there'll often be individuals who don't know anyone else but the bride going on the trip. Whilst it may not always be possible, I don't think it's an unreasonable want at all to have your own room.

Caulidop · 01/06/2022 09:36

The above was intended as a reply to sharrowgirl but didn't work! Glad you got something sorted OP, hope you're feeling better about it now.

Stellamar · 01/06/2022 09:50

It would be a bit unfair to take up a single room when you're only there for one night. But if you take your own bedding and leave it made up with clean sheets for someone else to use for the 2nd and 3rd nights I think that's not too bad a deal, given that you're paying for 3 nights anyway.

I agree that it's a complete ballache to organise things like this though, so do your best to help out with organising food or whatever, and try to fit in generally with everything else.